My cousin doesn’t confide in our shared friends

[Anonymous]

Couldn’t it be flattering to be the trusted one? I have friends like that - they tell me something they don’t want to or need to share with a group. Honestly, it just makes me feel good that people can trust me.

Also, as kids get older they are more sensitive. My son is 10 and for him the world would end if he thought I was telling my friends his business. He’d be mortified. I am not going to ruin that trust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t consider these friends to be as close as you perceive them to be?

But she lies. They ask how Larla is, and she lies and says she’s doing great.

Youre a horrible person.

OP, without getting into value judgments about whether you are or are not horrible....did it occur to you that even though the child has scoliosis she can still be doing great. We all have our burdens to bear, and many of us resolve to live our lives and be happy despite those burdens. I have a child who has a chronic condition that affects them every day. But I still think they are often doing great. And if my child had scoliosis, but was happy, well-adjusted, was doing well in school, and had a good group of friends, I would describe them as doing great too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t consider these friends to be as close as you perceive them to be?

But she lies. They ask how Larla is, and she lies and says she’s doing great.

She could actually be doing great in spite of having a kid with scoliosis. Some people are very positive. You sound like a downer.

Also,shy should she tell all her business to people who aren't family. My husband and I keep our drama to ourselves and I can say most people are grateful for it. With little exception most people who ask how you are doing really don't want to hear how you are truly doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t consider these friends to be as close as you perceive them to be?

But she lies. They ask how Larla is, and she lies and says she’s doing great.

But maybe she IS doing fine. Why are you under the impression that having scoliosis and doing great are mutually exclusive? Do you even know what scoliosis is?! It's a sideways curve in the spine. It's not a life threatening condition. It's not a condition that leaves someone bedridden or in a wheelchair or out of school or (most) sports or unable to socialize with friends. I had scoliosis in middle school. I wore a brace. I did pretty much all the things that normal middle schoolers did. Life WAS great. I really don't get why you think it's a "lie" that someone could have scoliosis and also be doing great.

[Anonymous]

I had scoliosis as a child. I actually was doing great, despite it. I didn't feel sick or handicapped or get made fun of, or anything. And I *HATED* overhearing my mother talk about me, my personal life, to her friends. They weren't MY friends. She wasn't telling them the things *I* wanted people to know.

Your cousin has a right to privacy, as does her daughter.

[Anonymous]

Too many people want to know things about you/your life but they are not good stewards of that information. It's perfectly acceptable to keep things to yourself and you do not owe anyone an explanation for why you do so.

[Anonymous]

I like your cousin the best. She is kind enough to give her child privacy. MYOB leave your cousin alone; you are not a nice person.

[Anonymous]

She’s more private than you are.

[Anonymous]

Ask her why and I am certain your future discussions will be nothing more than small talk about things like the weather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t consider these friends to be as close as you perceive them to be?

But she lies. They ask how Larla is, and she lies and says she’s doing great.

You just suck. Man.

Well, sucking hard on this particular occasion, anyway.

[Anonymous]

In addition to the good points others have made, I will note that some people don’t find solace in confiding to others, even close friends. Maybe she just doesn’t feel like discussing certain topics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had scoliosis as a child. I actually was doing great, despite it. I didn't feel sick or handicapped or get made fun of, or anything. And I *HATED* overhearing my mother talk about me, my personal life, to her friends. They weren't MY friends. She wasn't telling them the things *I* wanted people to know.

Your cousin has a right to privacy, as does her daughter.

Agreed. I feel like talking about things like scoliosis is like discussing your daughter’s period. It’s not your story to tell, it’s good the cousin has boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In addition to the good points others have made, I will note that some people don’t find solace in confiding to others, even close friends. Maybe she just doesn’t feel like discussing certain topics.

+1 this is me. I would be horrified if someone was mental over the fact that I wasn't sharing what apparently they wanted me to share. There are so many emotional vampires out there- you should thank your stars someone is actually willing to not share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had scoliosis as a child. I actually was doing great, despite it. I didn't feel sick or handicapped or get made fun of, or anything. And I *HATED* overhearing my mother talk about me, my personal life, to her friends. They weren't MY friends. She wasn't telling them the things *I* wanted people to know.

Your cousin has a right to privacy, as does her daughter.

Agreed. I feel like talking about things like scoliosis is like discussing your daughter’s period. It’s not your story to tell, it’s good the cousin has boundaries.

+2 (x567875434677776543)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t consider these friends to be as close as you perceive them to be?

But she lies. They ask how Larla is, and she lies and says she’s doing great.

Nah she’s not lying. She’s a private person.

I am careful who I share with. I would share my son’s medical info with a friend who has a child with the same condition, except her older child is friends with my son and DS asked me not to mention it. So I respect his wishes which I do not consider lying.