Should I give her another chance? Disappeared after our date.

[Anonymous]

I recently reconnected with someone from about 10 years ago. We were chatting and texting a bit last month but then she kind of just disappeared. She did give me a heads up that her company had just gotten selected to bid for a large contract in South Korea and her team had to get everything together and meet a deadline that was rapidly approaching. Anywho, after about 2 weeks I contacted her again and she ended up asking me to go to dinner. We made plans and went to dinner last Wednesday. It went really well. We texted a bit here and there on Thursday. I asked her a question on Friday and got no response. I hadn’t heard from her until today. She calls me on FaceTime and apologizes for going Mia. She told me that her ex kept contacting her over the weekend, it was a really nasty breakup, and it just threw her off. Also, she didn’t want me to think she was the kind of woman who wanted a free meal and disappears and that she’d like to continue to hang out if I’m up for it.

Should I give her another chance?

[Anonymous]

if you like her, nothing about the above is a red flag. it sounds like she has a full life but is open and communicating with you about what that means as a guy she has been on one date wtih.

[Anonymous]

I would back off. I don't want to be involved in any drama with an ex.

[Anonymous]

The ex drama gives me pause. Generally speaking It's a hard pass for me for anyone still dealing with ex drama..one more chance wouldn't hurt but after that no more

[Anonymous]

No. The ex drama isn’t worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently reconnected with someone from about 10 years ago. We were chatting and texting a bit last month but then she kind of just disappeared. She did give me a heads up that her company had just gotten selected to bid for a large contract in South Korea and her team had to get everything together and meet a deadline that was rapidly approaching. Anywho, after about 2 weeks I contacted her again and she ended up asking me to go to dinner. We made plans and went to dinner last Wednesday. It went really well. We texted a bit here and there on Thursday. I asked her a question on Friday and got no response. I hadn’t heard from her until today. She calls me on FaceTime and apologizes for going Mia. She told me that her ex kept contacting her over the weekend, it was a really nasty breakup, and it just threw her off. Also, she didn’t want me to think she was the kind of woman who wanted a free meal and disappears and that she’d like to continue to hang out if I’m up for it.

Should I give her another chance?

If you like her yes, but she will likely always be a poor communicator.

[Anonymous]

I see a lot of people in these threads seem to feel an obligation to someone they have been texting with or dating for not all that long. Unless you are married or otherwise made a promise (“I will take you home from the hospital after your gallbladder surgery”) you don’t owe anyone anything. That is how people get sucked into relationships that should have been apparent will not work out and are a waste of time. It is not selfish to take the view that this particular arrangement does not meet your needs. After all, the point of a relationship is to enhance your life and make it better, not show how good of a martyr you are. (Not directing this expressly to OP; just a general statement about the purpose of relationships.)

[Anonymous]

She's not that into you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently reconnected with someone from about 10 years ago. We were chatting and texting a bit last month but then she kind of just disappeared. She did give me a heads up that her company had just gotten selected to bid for a large contract in South Korea and her team had to get everything together and meet a deadline that was rapidly approaching. Anywho, after about 2 weeks I contacted her again and she ended up asking me to go to dinner. We made plans and went to dinner last Wednesday. It went really well. We texted a bit here and there on Thursday. I asked her a question on Friday and got no response. I hadn’t heard from her until today. She calls me on FaceTime and apologizes for going Mia. She told me that her ex kept contacting her over the weekend, it was a really nasty breakup, and it just threw her off. Also, she didn’t want me to think she was the kind of woman who wanted a free meal and disappears and that she’d like to continue to hang out if I’m up for it.

Should I give her another chance?

If you like her yes, but she will likely always be a poor communicator.

What in any of that is poor communication?? She was clear all the way through, unless by good communicator you mean instant reply? That's not what that means.

[Anonymous]

Good grief. Sure, see her again. You are way overthinking this and seem ready to find fault or drama where there may not be any.

Also: You had dinner last Wednesday and today is Tuesday, so it's been less than a week since you saw her--that's not a big deal. And her not responding immediately to texts etc. is only indicative of how texting and calling today has created an expectation that people should respond now now now. It is not "disappearing" to not get right back to you after one dinner date unless maybe you slept together that night and you had expectations of more. And you DID text after the date last week, you just didn't hear from her over a weekend. Not a big deal at this stage in your not-a-relationship.

You say you texted her "a question" on Friday and she didn't respond until today, Tuesday. To me that's not a big deal unless the question was truly time-sensitive (inviting her to something over the weekend, maybe). Especially between two people who are not a couple and not even dating regularly yet. I wonder if you're overthinking this and expect her to respond pronto. Maybe she wants to move more gradually than you do. Maybe you come on stronger than you realize. Give it some calm thought.

The ex stuff does not sound like as much drama as some here make it out to be. If it were drama with a capital D she wouldn't have told you for fear of scaring you off. The fact she did tell you, and was open about the fact she needed down time due to ex's intrusiveness, could be interpreted to mean she's comfortable enough with you to tell you that -- and isn't that a good thing, not a bad one?

Of course she could be a drama queen as some here are so eager to say, but you wont' ever know unless you actually date her. What you're describing so far is couple of dates, nothing more. You don't even really know each other yet but you're ready to write her off.

[Anonymous]

If you can’t make this decision without asking here, she may not respect your manhood. Sounds like the work she does requires the ability to form conclusions and communicate efficiently, which she also did in her text. Let her go. She has work to do anyway and probably better with someone who has more confidence and strong decision making skills.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t op. I’d be put off that she couldn’t or didn’t see me on a weekend, during what my husband calls “prime dinner and screwing hours” I’d be wanting to know what exactly she was doing with that time.. not wanting to drag you into ex drama sounds.. off to me, I’d be more comfortable she said “I filed a restraining order” or “Italked to my dad to ask his oppinion” or something but “ex kept contacting her” just would make me wonder. Couple that with her not contacting you for two weeks, and at some point either she actually sees you and enjoys it or she’s stringing you along no matter how true her reasons. “s*** or get off the pot is how my grandma would say it. Remember, honesty doesn’t always equal a nice person, it just means they’ve found a sucker.

If it were me, I’d find another lady, one who has the time and the desire to be with you. This woman’s presence in your life is keeping you from falling in love, healthy women don’t want to date a guy who is so consumed with another woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t op. I’d be put off that she couldn’t or didn’t see me on a weekend, during what my husband calls “prime dinner and screwing hours” I’d be wanting to know what exactly she was doing with that time.. not wanting to drag you into ex drama sounds.. off to me, I’d be more comfortable she said “I filed a restraining order” or “Italked to my dad to ask his oppinion” or something but “ex kept contacting her” just would make me wonder. Couple that with her not contacting you for two weeks, and at some point either she actually sees you and enjoys it or she’s stringing you along no matter how true her reasons. “s*** or get off the pot is how my grandma would say it. Remember, honesty doesn’t always equal a nice person, it just means they’ve found a sucker.

If it were me, I’d find another lady, one who has the time and the desire to be with you. This woman’s presence in your life is keeping you from falling in love, healthy women don’t want to date a guy who is so consumed with another woman.

They had one date. More importantly, she’s not OP’s girlfriend so it’s none of his business what she’s up to on the weekends. Also, it was Father’s Day weekend so who knows if and what she had planned with her family.

Clingy much?
And yea, honesty in this situation is nice. Giving OP an explanation is the mature nice thing to do instead of leaving him wondering or leading him on.

[Anonymous]

OP, she didn't 'disappear" after your dinner, you communicated the next day. She doesn't owe you anything after one date. It sounds like you have different communication styles/needs at this point, but I think you should probably chill out for a bit.

What was your relationship 10 years ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, she didn't 'disappear" after your dinner, you communicated the next day. She doesn't owe you anything after one date. It sounds like you have different communication styles/needs at this point, but I think you should probably chill out for a bit.

What was your relationship 10 years ago?

We were just friends. Not good friends but we did hang out in a group a handful of times and one of those times we kissed.