How to alert preschool of new student in DS' class who is very aggressive/hits/bites

[Anonymous]

Hello:

Struggling with this and looking for some opinions, please. My 2.5 yr old son is in preschool and a child we know from the neighborhood has just joined his class. We played with/interacted with him for about 6 months in the neighborhood park/playground before my son resumed preschool. He was extremely aggressive. He hits, he bites, he shakes kids, he growls, he pulls hair. We have seen this countless times. To the point, where we (and several other parents) leave the playground when we see him coming, or intentionally go play in another area away from him.

I am not blaming the child. I blame his parents, who do nothing when he gets aggressive, except say "Oh there he goes again!"

This child is not in my son's class. I am torn, but my first instinct is to say something to the preschool director.

What I know: i observed consistently aggressive, scary behavior from him for a 6 month period. During that time, I would not let my child anywhere near him. I was not alone in that sentiment and action.
What I don't know: We have not interacted with him in the last 3 months due to being back in school. Maybe his behavior has changed.

I am torn about saying something. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

The preschool director will figure it out without your input. I would leave it alone if the kid is not in your kid's class. MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with giving a head's up, but don't refer to him as "aggressive" or "scary." Just say watch so-and-so's behavior -- you might need an extra teacher in the room.

They will figure it out in 30 minutes either way.

[Anonymous]

OP, 3 months is a long time, the kid's behavior may have improved. I wouldn't say anything, but I would ask my kid (presuming your kid at 2.5 is sufficiently communicative) if all the kids in his class are being gentle etc. to see if there's any issues. But they're little kids OP, they're not going to put this kid in kiddie jail. My nephew was bitten by one of his classmates, and all the preschool did was file an incident report and note that the kid would get additional monitoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The preschool director will figure it out without your input. I would leave it alone if the kid is not in your kid's class. MYOB.

He is in my son's class. His first day was yesterday.

[Anonymous]

You can let the daycare know but they will need to form their own opinion based on his behavior in class. On the one side the teachers will have a heads up and be much more alert to any behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, 3 months is a long time, the kid's behavior may have improved. I wouldn't say anything, but I would ask my kid (presuming your kid at 2.5 is sufficiently communicative) if all the kids in his class are being gentle etc. to see if there's any issues. But they're little kids OP, they're not going to put this kid in kiddie jail. My nephew was bitten by one of his classmates, and all the preschool did was file an incident report and note that the kid would get additional monitoring.

Yes, I agree 3 months is a long time. And that's why I made sure to be transparent about the timeline- that yes we observed very very intense behavior from him for 6 months, but we have not played with or interacted with him for the last 3 months. For everyone's sake, primarily his- I truly hope things have changed.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t your problem. They’ll figure it out right away. Or, they won’t. Maybe the child only acts out for his parents.

Butt out.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think it’s on you to say something? If the child is this violent and scary, don’t you think they’ll see it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The preschool director will figure it out without your input. I would leave it alone if the kid is not in your kid's class. MYOB.

He is in my son's class. His first day was yesterday.

??
From your post:
This child is not in my son's class. I am torn, but my first instinct is to say something to the preschool director.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think it’s on you to say something? If the child is this violent and scary, don’t you think they’ll see it?

+1 Yup. This isn't their first rodeo with a "wild kid". And while not ideal, growling and pulling hair are par for the course for some little kids--most of them grow out of it pretty fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t your problem. They’ll figure it out right away. Or, they won’t. Maybe the child only acts out for his parents.

Butt out.

I hope he only acted out for his parents. But when a child you purposely avoided because of a history of grabbing kids (mine included) by the neck and shaking them, pulling hair, etc...I would hope you could understand my initial reaction when I saw him pop up in pics of my kid's class on the preschool app.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The preschool director will figure it out without your input. I would leave it alone if the kid is not in your kid's class. MYOB.

He is in my son's class. His first day was yesterday.

OP, you wrote in your original post that This child is not in my son's class. .

[Anonymous]

"Keep an extra eye on Larlo. We haven't played with him for 3 months so maybe something's changed but before he used to bite and hit."

"Thank you we will."

[Anonymous]

My kid was the biter, OP. He stopped by 3.5, but it was a rough year there for a while. He became the most gentle, chill, kind child you can imagine. He does have anxiety, which seems to have gone along with the biting.

Anyway, if you are concerned about YOUR KID you can say to the pre-school director that your kid and new kid have played together and that your son was hit/bitten/shaken whatever and is nervous about being with new kid. Ask if they can keep an eye out FOR YOUR SON'S emotions, and just make sure he is feeling safe. But really, you don't need to do anything. If the kid is still struggling with behavior they'll know very soon, and if he isn't...yay!