Really struggling with my 2 yr old

[Anonymous]

Im at my wits end with my 2 year old. I know the terrible twos are supposed to be bad, but this is unbearable. Its just one tantrum or meltdown after another until bedtime. During the week she goes to daycare and I am only with her from when I pick her up at 5 until bedtime at 7:30. It is the most miserable 2.5 hours. She fights me on absolutely everything. Getting in the bath, getting out, brushing teeth, putting on pajamas, starting to read books, stopping reading books. Its never ending. The weekends are exhausting.

I try giving her choices. It makes no difference. She says no to both. She gets plenty of food, plenty of sleep and plenty of one-on-one time. She is our only child.

[Anonymous]

Does she get plenty of exercise? The more outside time the better. Even better is swimming if you can find an open pool and lessons.

It will get better--hang in there! Maybe try a day or a few hours each weekend where you don't say no except for health and safety things, so she can stay in the bath as long as she wants, play as long as she wants, wear what she wants.

[Anonymous]

I have found I need to stay rigidly consistent with my toddler (2.5) Dinner (same place, same time, same order of food), shower immediately follows bath, exactly five books and two songs, one last potty trip and teeth. Crib.

“Okay it’s time to_____”. Never ask or sound like there is room for negotiation.

Btw, my kid hated baths. We started showering him at 22 months and he loves it. I just put him in the shower, roll up my pants, and wash him with the handheld shower attachment

[Anonymous]

The only comfort in early parenting is that everything’s a phase. It’s also a good sign for your bond that she feels safe enough with you to exercise her free will with you which she might not get slot of chances to do at school.

Here’s what I suggest: try 20 min of outdoor play time as soon as you get home, something silly like bubbles or chase or neighborhood walk-so she gets a chance to decompress from daycare. Skip dinner or have it be a small snack if it’s a battle. Hope this helps op we have lots of transition tantrums over here sometimes that’s just how they cope.

[Anonymous]

OP have you read Janet Lansbury? I found her to be very helpful during this age.

[Anonymous]

When is the last snack served at daycare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im at my wits end with my 2 year old. I know the terrible twos are supposed to be bad, but this is unbearable. Its just one tantrum or meltdown after another until bedtime. During the week she goes to daycare and I am only with her from when I pick her up at 5 until bedtime at 7:30. It is the most miserable 2.5 hours. She fights me on absolutely everything. Getting in the bath, getting out, brushing teeth, putting on pajamas, starting to read books, stopping reading books. Its never ending. The weekends are exhausting.

I try giving her choices. It makes no difference. She says no to both. She gets plenty of food, plenty of sleep and plenty of one-on-one time. She is our only child.

Sounds like a problem with "transitions." At some point in age, giving a heads up once or twice ahead of time helps, like ok we are going to get in bath in 5 minutes. 3 minutes. etc. Trickery works too. Like instead of saying ok time to get ready for bed, don't say it. Ask her to sing song. Slip shirt off, distract, look at the kitty or tv, ok change bottoms, and so forth. Try to do some transitions on the sly without being obvious. So there is never any abrupt transition.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard, our 18 months old is definitely getting into tantrum phase. Definitely a vote for a brief outside time if she doesn’t get it at daycare. I have noticed more tantrums on rainy days when we are stuck home. Second option - some light kids tv to decompress after daycare with you? Unless you are very anti screen. We have found we enjoy snuggling with ours a bit watching cocomelon and seems to relax him too. Socializing with fellow toddlers at daycare all day is probably exhausting business

[Anonymous]

Have you read how to talk so little kids will listen? I found it helpful. Responding with empathy can help, although it may be more helpful when she’s a little older, more reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Agreed on keeping consistent. My 2.5 year old will sometimes remind me what's next in our routine because we literally do the same things every night, down to the same Raffi song. Initiating bedtime can be hard but once we're on the pattern he calms down

Counting is also magic at two. Instead of saying "all done" immediately try "one more time" or counting down from five. I'm telling you, world of difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have found I need to stay rigidly consistent with my toddler (2.5) Dinner (same place, same time, same order of food), shower immediately follows bath, exactly five books and two songs, one last potty trip and teeth. Crib.

“Okay it’s time to_____”. Never ask or sound like there is room for negotiation.

Btw, my kid hated baths. We started showering him at 22 months and he loves it. I just put him in the shower, roll up my pants, and wash him with the handheld shower attachment

+1. And I stay completely neutral - neither thrilled nor anxious. We move from one predictable step to the next and never waver. But the end of a busy toddler day, toddlers want to be led and know what’s next. I think it’s comforting not to have “power”. We keep the same routine on weekends too.

Set a routine and stick to it. Physically carry her if she won’t move. She’ll get with it soon.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to offer solidarity, OP. We have a similar schedule and get home from work around 5 and my 2yo has been a nightmare in the short 2+ hours window before bed.

I think part of it that she misses us while away, part is that she is tired and hungry. Our DD gets tons of outside time daily so it’s not that. Every night is filled with screaming and tantrums especially when it comes to bedtime and despite our routine being very consistent.

You’re not alone, and know it will get better at some point.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she’s exhausted and needs an earlier bedtime? I know that would be disappointing since you have such little time with her, but very soon her bedtime will get later.

If it were me I would have a snack for her at pickup in the car. Get home and have “dinner” together right away of fruit and crackers and cheese (you and dh can have real dinner later).
Then straight to bath, brush teeth, pajamas, one book (to reduce negotiations), then bed. I would avoid screens. You could even make a visual “map” of the process so she can point to the pictures of each Step. And then do it the same way every night (even on the weekends). Like a pp said it’s a stage and it won’t last forever, but in order to survive NOW it seems like your toddler could use more of something (structure, sleep, etc).

[Anonymous]

Look at Megan Leahy- the parenting coach who writes for the WaPo. She does phone consultations and is really good addressing exactly this type of situation.

[Anonymous]

Yes, rigid schedule so she knows what to expect. She is also hitting an age where you might be able to do a sticker chart (she still might be too young, but it is worth a shot). Have you asked daycare folks for some advice? They might have some good ideas. As others have said, this too will pass.