Really struggling with my 2 yr old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 2.5 hours with you each evening is not enough bonding time at this stage. Your child might be telling you in her own 2-year old way (the new found sense of independence) that she is not happy with something. There isn’t a whole lot you can do if you can’t change the daily schedule. The key is to not let it get to you personally and continue to be patient and calm.

At this stage the kids are feeling their boundaries (as they will do from here onwards) and learning the consequences of their actions/inactions. If they push and succeed, they will push more not understanding that something isn’t for them to push. Set very clear expectations (create a big chart w stickers) and stand firm. You are doing the right to big by giving some choices. If she picks none, then you get to decide. That should be made very clear to her.

On the reward and “punishments” (I dislike this word, hence the quotes), don’t use spending time with you as leverage. You don’t want her to associate negative emotions w spending time with you. If she doesn’t want to bath, shower, or hose her down (now that the weather is warmer) in the yard. Make it fun as if you are at the beach or the pool. I used to just wipe my DD’s hair down w a wet towel if she didn’t want to wash her hair. We pretended she was at the salon and getting her hair toweled and wrapped. She loved it because it would weigh her head down and she would rabble. We all have a good laugh and I would wait to give that hair a good wash a day or two later.

Pick your battles, I would take sitting down to read a book or play cars and horses (my DD’s favorite) as a bedtime routine. The hygiene part is just a quick detour before we get to that bedtime routine. Framing these routine in the way she could accept was my big breakthrough.

I feel for you and remember as other posters pointed out, this (phase) shall pass. Good luck.

- mom to two teens (15 & 18)

This is what I think, too. That's a very long day for a 2 year old and a short time to have to perform for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 2.5 hours with you each evening is not enough bonding time at this stage. Your child might be telling you in her own 2-year old way (the new found sense of independence) that she is not happy with something. There isn’t a whole lot you can do if you can’t change the daily schedule. The key is to not let it get to you personally and continue to be patient and calm.

At this stage the kids are feeling their boundaries (as they will do from here onwards) and learning the consequences of their actions/inactions. If they push and succeed, they will push more not understanding that something isn’t for them to push. Set very clear expectations (create a big chart w stickers) and stand firm. You are doing the right to big by giving some choices. If she picks none, then you get to decide. That should be made very clear to her.

On the reward and “punishments” (I dislike this word, hence the quotes), don’t use spending time with you as leverage. You don’t want her to associate negative emotions w spending time with you. If she doesn’t want to bath, shower, or hose her down (now that the weather is warmer) in the yard. Make it fun as if you are at the beach or the pool. I used to just wipe my DD’s hair down w a wet towel if she didn’t want to wash her hair. We pretended she was at the salon and getting her hair toweled and wrapped. She loved it because it would weigh her head down and she would rabble. We all have a good laugh and I would wait to give that hair a good wash a day or two later.

Pick your battles, I would take sitting down to read a book or play cars and horses (my DD’s favorite) as a bedtime routine. The hygiene part is just a quick detour before we get to that bedtime routine. Framing these routine in the way she could accept was my big breakthrough.

I feel for you and remember as other posters pointed out, this (phase) shall pass. Good luck.

- mom to two teens (15 & 18)

This is what I think, too. That's a very long day for a 2 year old and a short time to have to perform for you, OP.

Oh good point! OP should just quit her job. Problem solved!

[Anonymous]

Have you used a visual schedule? Make a list and help her be in charge. Ask her what’s next? Be consistent but maybe let her choose what comes first. Not getting into power struggles will strengthen your relationship. It can be so exhausting!

[Anonymous]

I just want to say that I’m sorry and I’ve been there. I promise it gets better. It’s so hard being a parent at that stage when you always have to be “on “with very little breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 2.5 hours with you each evening is not enough bonding time at this stage. Your child might be telling you in her own 2-year old way (the new found sense of independence) that she is not happy with something. There isn’t a whole lot you can do if you can’t change the daily schedule. The key is to not let it get to you personally and continue to be patient and calm.

At this stage the kids are feeling their boundaries (as they will do from here onwards) and learning the consequences of their actions/inactions. If they push and succeed, they will push more not understanding that something isn’t for them to push. Set very clear expectations (create a big chart w stickers) and stand firm. You are doing the right to big by giving some choices. If she picks none, then you get to decide. That should be made very clear to her.

On the reward and “punishments” (I dislike this word, hence the quotes), don’t use spending time with you as leverage. You don’t want her to associate negative emotions w spending time with you. If she doesn’t want to bath, shower, or hose her down (now that the weather is warmer) in the yard. Make it fun as if you are at the beach or the pool. I used to just wipe my DD’s hair down w a wet towel if she didn’t want to wash her hair. We pretended she was at the salon and getting her hair toweled and wrapped. She loved it because it would weigh her head down and she would rabble. We all have a good laugh and I would wait to give that hair a good wash a day or two later.

Pick your battles, I would take sitting down to read a book or play cars and horses (my DD’s favorite) as a bedtime routine. The hygiene part is just a quick detour before we get to that bedtime routine. Framing these routine in the way she could accept was my big breakthrough.

I feel for you and remember as other posters pointed out, this (phase) shall pass. Good luck.

- mom to two teens (15 & 18)

BS. I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old and guess what? She's a nightmare at the end of the day too and has just gotten 12 hours of my individual attention.
Since your kids are much older I will kindly suggest you probably don't remember what this stage is like and keep your mom shaming to yourself.

I am so sorry that you are frustrated as a SAHM. I have no intention to mom sham anyone during any stage of their motherhood experience. On the other hand, you are mom shaming me as someone who is not qualified to share my parenting experiences since my kids are now too old. Ironic isn't it. It is ok. Parenthood is not an easy road that comes with exact instructions. No one can prepare you for the emotional rollercoaster ride. You are probably in one of those foggy valleys that you can see past your nose. Majority of the time, everything will clear up and you will be in a different mode and mood. Your relationship with your child will go through many twist and turns. This is just one of those stops.

As I said in my post, 2 year old tantrums are these mini-people's way of trying to tell us something, be it they are in pain due to teething, or that they are overtired, over stimulated, or they really don't want to keep eating strawberries as a snack, or wear that certain pajama pants, etc. Your child could be telling you something or try to express him or herself. The evening hours are usually the most challenging. I remember my 2 year old having night terrors EVERY SINGLE night for 5 years straight after over stimulation during the day. We finally figure out the rhyme of when she would bolt up and stare blankly into space while screaming, and had to readjust her schedule to figure out just the right amount of downtime during the day to ease (simply not able to prevent) these episodes. Trust me, you just want to pull your hair out in that moment watching her going through that. My other one had reflux for the first 2 years and couldn't keep food down. YES, I remember all of it and I miss them even during those moments. It was a trying journey, but we were on it together.

So please breath and read these board with a positive attitude, taking what might work for you and leave the rest. Your resentment and frustration will show and kids are very astute.

Good luck....

+1000000 to the eye roll.

Roll your eyes all you want, you will end up with kiddos that will assume the same attitude. Seriously good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 2.5 hours with you each evening is not enough bonding time at this stage. Your child might be telling you in her own 2-year old way (the new found sense of independence) that she is not happy with something. There isn’t a whole lot you can do if you can’t change the daily schedule. The key is to not let it get to you personally and continue to be patient and calm.

At this stage the kids are feeling their boundaries (as they will do from here onwards) and learning the consequences of their actions/inactions. If they push and succeed, they will push more not understanding that something isn’t for them to push. Set very clear expectations (create a big chart w stickers) and stand firm. You are doing the right to big by giving some choices. If she picks none, then you get to decide. That should be made very clear to her.

On the reward and “punishments” (I dislike this word, hence the quotes), don’t use spending time with you as leverage. You don’t want her to associate negative emotions w spending time with you. If she doesn’t want to bath, shower, or hose her down (now that the weather is warmer) in the yard. Make it fun as if you are at the beach or the pool. I used to just wipe my DD’s hair down w a wet towel if she didn’t want to wash her hair. We pretended she was at the salon and getting her hair toweled and wrapped. She loved it because it would weigh her head down and she would rabble. We all have a good laugh and I would wait to give that hair a good wash a day or two later.

Pick your battles, I would take sitting down to read a book or play cars and horses (my DD’s favorite) as a bedtime routine. The hygiene part is just a quick detour before we get to that bedtime routine. Framing these routine in the way she could accept was my big breakthrough.

I feel for you and remember as other posters pointed out, this (phase) shall pass. Good luck.

- mom to two teens (15 & 18)

This is what I think, too. That's a very long day for a 2 year old and a short time to have to perform for you, OP.

Oh good point! OP should just quit her job. Problem solved!

No one said that. Just need to rethink the routine for the 2.5 hours for both OP and her toddler. Reading comprehension and critical thinking isn't your cup of tea. If that poster with the 2 teens had gone through this process and come out on the happy end, what is wrong with just heeding that advice and give it a try. Else, why bother asking for advice on this forum unless you all just want to whine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 2.5 hours with you each evening is not enough bonding time at this stage. Your child might be telling you in her own 2-year old way (the new found sense of independence) that she is not happy with something. There isn’t a whole lot you can do if you can’t change the daily schedule. The key is to not let it get to you personally and continue to be patient and calm.

At this stage the kids are feeling their boundaries (as they will do from here onwards) and learning the consequences of their actions/inactions. If they push and succeed, they will push more not understanding that something isn’t for them to push. Set very clear expectations (create a big chart w stickers) and stand firm. You are doing the right to big by giving some choices. If she picks none, then you get to decide. That should be made very clear to her.

On the reward and “punishments” (I dislike this word, hence the quotes), don’t use spending time with you as leverage. You don’t want her to associate negative emotions w spending time with you. If she doesn’t want to bath, shower, or hose her down (now that the weather is warmer) in the yard. Make it fun as if you are at the beach or the pool. I used to just wipe my DD’s hair down w a wet towel if she didn’t want to wash her hair. We pretended she was at the salon and getting her hair toweled and wrapped. She loved it because it would weigh her head down and she would rabble. We all have a good laugh and I would wait to give that hair a good wash a day or two later.

Pick your battles, I would take sitting down to read a book or play cars and horses (my DD’s favorite) as a bedtime routine. The hygiene part is just a quick detour before we get to that bedtime routine. Framing these routine in the way she could accept was my big breakthrough.

I feel for you and remember as other posters pointed out, this (phase) shall pass. Good luck.

- mom to two teens (15 & 18)

This is what I think, too. That's a very long day for a 2 year old and a short time to have to perform for you, OP.

Oh good point! OP should just quit her job. Problem solved!

No one said that. Just need to rethink the routine for the 2.5 hours for both OP and her toddler. Reading comprehension and critical thinking isn't your cup of tea. If that poster with the 2 teens had gone through this process and come out on the happy end, what is wrong with just heeding that advice and give it a try. Else, why bother asking for advice on this forum unless you all just want to whine.

There are multiple people who find you insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
There are multiple people who find you insufferable.

and there are multiple people that agree with the advice/tips/shared experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 2.5 hours with you each evening is not enough bonding time at this stage. Your child might be telling you in her own 2-year old way (the new found sense of independence) that she is not happy with something. There isn’t a whole lot you can do if you can’t change the daily schedule. The key is to not let it get to you personally and continue to be patient and calm.

At this stage the kids are feeling their boundaries (as they will do from here onwards) and learning the consequences of their actions/inactions. If they push and succeed, they will push more not understanding that something isn’t for them to push. Set very clear expectations (create a big chart w stickers) and stand firm. You are doing the right to big by giving some choices. If she picks none, then you get to decide. That should be made very clear to her.

On the reward and “punishments” (I dislike this word, hence the quotes), don’t use spending time with you as leverage. You don’t want her to associate negative emotions w spending time with you. If she doesn’t want to bath, shower, or hose her down (now that the weather is warmer) in the yard. Make it fun as if you are at the beach or the pool. I used to just wipe my DD’s hair down w a wet towel if she didn’t want to wash her hair. We pretended she was at the salon and getting her hair toweled and wrapped. She loved it because it would weigh her head down and she would rabble. We all have a good laugh and I would wait to give that hair a good wash a day or two later.

Pick your battles, I would take sitting down to read a book or play cars and horses (my DD’s favorite) as a bedtime routine. The hygiene part is just a quick detour before we get to that bedtime routine. Framing these routine in the way she could accept was my big breakthrough.

I feel for you and remember as other posters pointed out, this (phase) shall pass. Good luck.

- mom to two teens (15 & 18)

This is what I think, too. That's a very long day for a 2 year old and a short time to have to perform for you, OP.

Oh good point! OP should just quit her job. Problem solved!

No one said that. Just need to rethink the routine for the 2.5 hours for both OP and her toddler. Reading comprehension and critical thinking isn't your cup of tea. If that poster with the 2 teens had gone through this process and come out on the happy end, what is wrong with just heeding that advice and give it a try. Else, why bother asking for advice on this forum unless you all just want to whine.

I'm not following- what was actually meant by "Honestly, 2.5 hours with you each evening is not enough bonding time at this stage" if not, 2.5 hrs isn't enough? Either work or the child's sleep would need to be cut to make more time. Agree with some of the other advice in the post though, including pick your battles. But we call can't magically find more hours in a day.

I don't have much in terms of advice as I also have a 2.5 who really struggles with the nighttime routine, but it's worse when she's overtired. Sometimes an early bedtime is better even if it means less time with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 2.5 hours with you each evening is not enough bonding time at this stage. Your child might be telling you in her own 2-year old way (the new found sense of independence) that she is not happy with something. There isn’t a whole lot you can do if you can’t change the daily schedule. The key is to not let it get to you personally and continue to be patient and calm.

At this stage the kids are feeling their boundaries (as they will do from here onwards) and learning the consequences of their actions/inactions. If they push and succeed, they will push more not understanding that something isn’t for them to push. Set very clear expectations (create a big chart w stickers) and stand firm. You are doing the right to big by giving some choices. If she picks none, then you get to decide. That should be made very clear to her.

On the reward and “punishments” (I dislike this word, hence the quotes), don’t use spending time with you as leverage. You don’t want her to associate negative emotions w spending time with you. If she doesn’t want to bath, shower, or hose her down (now that the weather is warmer) in the yard. Make it fun as if you are at the beach or the pool. I used to just wipe my DD’s hair down w a wet towel if she didn’t want to wash her hair. We pretended she was at the salon and getting her hair toweled and wrapped. She loved it because it would weigh her head down and she would rabble. We all have a good laugh and I would wait to give that hair a good wash a day or two later.

Pick your battles, I would take sitting down to read a book or play cars and horses (my DD’s favorite) as a bedtime routine. The hygiene part is just a quick detour before we get to that bedtime routine. Framing these routine in the way she could accept was my big breakthrough.

I feel for you and remember as other posters pointed out, this (phase) shall pass. Good luck.

- mom to two teens (15 & 18)

This is what I think, too. That's a very long day for a 2 year old and a short time to have to perform for you, OP.

Oh good point! OP should just quit her job. Problem solved!

No one said that. Just need to rethink the routine for the 2.5 hours for both OP and her toddler. Reading comprehension and critical thinking isn't your cup of tea. If that poster with the 2 teens had gone through this process and come out on the happy end, what is wrong with just heeding that advice and give it a try. Else, why bother asking for advice on this forum unless you all just want to whine.

OP can't just magic more time in the day and this is a ridiculous mom guilt thing.

Little kids struggle with transitions, particularly when they're tired. This kid is tired and doing transitions. There are concrete and realistic steps she can take routines (offering choices at this age and when she's tired actually isn't a good idea). But she can't just quit her job.

[Anonymous]

Hi momma- no advice (other than treat yourself to a glass of wine) but misery loves company. My two-year-old is a terror.

[Anonymous]

The kid is tired. 2-year-olds at home all day are tired in the evenings and a similar hellish thing for all parents.
That pp is completely delusional that you are not there for your kid!
I was there and kids still screamed and tantrums to high heaven in the evenings.
Pay that pp no mind, op. She is just an insecure, petty person that has no self-value and pretends she is strong by putting people down. She knows deep down that she is using her kid as an emotional crutch for her insecurities.
Yes, that pp deserves all this that I wrote about her.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is really normal. I remember that stage - it was not bad if we went straight home, but if I HAD to run an errand? It was hell. If you don’t already, have a healthy snack ready for her in the car. Even if it means it’s her dinner (like a sandwich or something) it will take the edge off. If you can, come home and do something fun and physical. Play outside, go to the park, have a dance party, etc.

This too shall pass. I promise.

[Anonymous]

Agree with a lot of what PPs have said. I'd also recommend looking at your routine and minimizing transitions. For example, if your 2yo is playing before and after dinner, that's TWO times you need to force him to stop. I've made a few tweaks like that with DD and it's helped.

Also for the mom of teens saying 2.5hrs is not enough, another major eye roll. Given that everyone is ALSO pushing early bedtimes here, you're talking lik 5-7:30pm. How much earlier is OP supposed to stop working and get to the preschool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid is tired. 2-year-olds at home all day are tired in the evenings and a similar hellish thing for all parents.
That pp is completely delusional that you are not there for your kid!
I was there and kids still screamed and tantrums to high heaven in the evenings.
Pay that pp no mind, op. She is just an insecure, petty person that has no self-value and pretends she is strong by putting people down. She knows deep down that she is using her kid as an emotional crutch for her insecurities.
Yes, that pp deserves all this that I wrote about her.

+10000