Really struggling with my 2 yr old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is really normal. I remember that stage - it was not bad if we went straight home, but if I HAD to run an errand? It was hell. If you don’t already, have a healthy snack ready for her in the car. Even if it means it’s her dinner (like a sandwich or something) it will take the edge off. If you can, come home and do something fun and physical. Play outside, go to the park, have a dance party, etc.

This too shall pass. I promise.

I agree. Mom of several former 2 year olds who worked outside the home.

I also think, as far as the evening routine-keep the essentials (hygiene) but if she's not down with books right now, drop that for this time. Also, I use a Time Timer with my youngest (6, with SN) and it's awesome because the child can 'see' the time left. But, remember she's only 2, so time may not be something she understands yet. A simple picture chart is a great idea too and you can print these online for free.

Really though, it is what it is and it will get better. I would defenitely try to decompress on the weekends with her-do simple fun stuff and just enjoy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 2.5 hours with you each evening is not enough bonding time at this stage. Your child might be telling you in her own 2-year old way (the new found sense of independence) that she is not happy with something. There isn’t a whole lot you can do if you can’t change the daily schedule. The key is to not let it get to you personally and continue to be patient and calm.

At this stage the kids are feeling their boundaries (as they will do from here onwards) and learning the consequences of their actions/inactions. If they push and succeed, they will push more not understanding that something isn’t for them to push. Set very clear expectations (create a big chart w stickers) and stand firm. You are doing the right to big by giving some choices. If she picks none, then you get to decide. That should be made very clear to her.

On the reward and “punishments” (I dislike this word, hence the quotes), don’t use spending time with you as leverage. You don’t want her to associate negative emotions w spending time with you. If she doesn’t want to bath, shower, or hose her down (now that the weather is warmer) in the yard. Make it fun as if you are at the beach or the pool. I used to just wipe my DD’s hair down w a wet towel if she didn’t want to wash her hair. We pretended she was at the salon and getting her hair toweled and wrapped. She loved it because it would weigh her head down and she would rabble. We all have a good laugh and I would wait to give that hair a good wash a day or two later.

Pick your battles, I would take sitting down to read a book or play cars and horses (my DD’s favorite) as a bedtime routine. The hygiene part is just a quick detour before we get to that bedtime routine. Framing these routine in the way she could accept was my big breakthrough.

I feel for you and remember as other posters pointed out, this (phase) shall pass. Good luck.

- mom to two teens (15 & 18)

BS. I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old and guess what? She's a nightmare at the end of the day too and has just gotten 12 hours of my individual attention.
Since your kids are much older I will kindly suggest you probably don't remember what this stage is like and keep your mom shaming to yourself.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 2.5 hours with you each evening is not enough bonding time at this stage. Your child might be telling you in her own 2-year old way (the new found sense of independence) that she is not happy with something. There isn’t a whole lot you can do if you can’t change the daily schedule. The key is to not let it get to you personally and continue to be patient and calm.

At this stage the kids are feeling their boundaries (as they will do from here onwards) and learning the consequences of their actions/inactions. If they push and succeed, they will push more not understanding that something isn’t for them to push. Set very clear expectations (create a big chart w stickers) and stand firm. You are doing the right to big by giving some choices. If she picks none, then you get to decide. That should be made very clear to her.

On the reward and “punishments” (I dislike this word, hence the quotes), don’t use spending time with you as leverage. You don’t want her to associate negative emotions w spending time with you. If she doesn’t want to bath, shower, or hose her down (now that the weather is warmer) in the yard. Make it fun as if you are at the beach or the pool. I used to just wipe my DD’s hair down w a wet towel if she didn’t want to wash her hair. We pretended she was at the salon and getting her hair toweled and wrapped. She loved it because it would weigh her head down and she would rabble. We all have a good laugh and I would wait to give that hair a good wash a day or two later.

Pick your battles, I would take sitting down to read a book or play cars and horses (my DD’s favorite) as a bedtime routine. The hygiene part is just a quick detour before we get to that bedtime routine. Framing these routine in the way she could accept was my big breakthrough.

I feel for you and remember as other posters pointed out, this (phase) shall pass. Good luck.

- mom to two teens (15 & 18)

BS. I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old and guess what? She's a nightmare at the end of the day too and has just gotten 12 hours of my individual attention.
Since your kids are much older I will kindly suggest you probably don't remember what this stage is like and keep your mom shaming to yourself.

Nanny here.

The witching hour is hard, regardless of what they did during the day, who they were with, etc.

There are a few things you can do to make it easier:
1. The schedule from pick up to sleep is sacrosanct. You don’t fudge it, even by 5 minutes, unless there’s a dire emergency.
2. Offer choices during the day. Offer comfort and reliability during the witching hour by not offering choices.
3. Toddlers sometimes eat voraciously, but they sometimes refuse to eat. As long as your child gets enough nutrients during the rest of the week, it doesn’t matter if they skip dinner every night.
4. Think of your toddler as a terrorist. You don’t negotiate with terrorists. You try to keep the situation calm, but you’re not negotiating.
5. This will pass. You may not like whatever phase comes next, so find the silver lining wherever you can. A child who melts down at home every evening feels safe enough to do so. A child who screams no at the top of her voice is learning to advocate for herself. Remind yourself that you will remember this, but your child won’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 2.5 hours with you each evening is not enough bonding time at this stage. Your child might be telling you in her own 2-year old way (the new found sense of independence) that she is not happy with something. There isn’t a whole lot you can do if you can’t change the daily schedule. The key is to not let it get to you personally and continue to be patient and calm.

At this stage the kids are feeling their boundaries (as they will do from here onwards) and learning the consequences of their actions/inactions. If they push and succeed, they will push more not understanding that something isn’t for them to push. Set very clear expectations (create a big chart w stickers) and stand firm. You are doing the right to big by giving some choices. If she picks none, then you get to decide. That should be made very clear to her.

On the reward and “punishments” (I dislike this word, hence the quotes), don’t use spending time with you as leverage. You don’t want her to associate negative emotions w spending time with you. If she doesn’t want to bath, shower, or hose her down (now that the weather is warmer) in the yard. Make it fun as if you are at the beach or the pool. I used to just wipe my DD’s hair down w a wet towel if she didn’t want to wash her hair. We pretended she was at the salon and getting her hair toweled and wrapped. She loved it because it would weigh her head down and she would rabble. We all have a good laugh and I would wait to give that hair a good wash a day or two later.

Pick your battles, I would take sitting down to read a book or play cars and horses (my DD’s favorite) as a bedtime routine. The hygiene part is just a quick detour before we get to that bedtime routine. Framing these routine in the way she could accept was my big breakthrough.

I feel for you and remember as other posters pointed out, this (phase) shall pass. Good luck.

- mom to two teens (15 & 18)

BS. I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old and guess what? She's a nightmare at the end of the day too and has just gotten 12 hours of my individual attention.
Since your kids are much older I will kindly suggest you probably don't remember what this stage is like and keep your mom shaming to yourself.

I thought her comments were helpful. I didn't see her one line about bonding - in a post of 20 sentences - as shaming the OP. It's a perspective to consider.

[Anonymous]

I think Hunt, Gather, Parent might help you. I read it and it completely changed the way I view my toddler and how I handle him at difficult times. I never see it recommended here, but I found it very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 2.5 hours with you each evening is not enough bonding time at this stage. Your child might be telling you in her own 2-year old way (the new found sense of independence) that she is not happy with something. There isn’t a whole lot you can do if you can’t change the daily schedule. The key is to not let it get to you personally and continue to be patient and calm.

At this stage the kids are feeling their boundaries (as they will do from here onwards) and learning the consequences of their actions/inactions. If they push and succeed, they will push more not understanding that something isn’t for them to push. Set very clear expectations (create a big chart w stickers) and stand firm. You are doing the right to big by giving some choices. If she picks none, then you get to decide. That should be made very clear to her.

On the reward and “punishments” (I dislike this word, hence the quotes), don’t use spending time with you as leverage. You don’t want her to associate negative emotions w spending time with you. If she doesn’t want to bath, shower, or hose her down (now that the weather is warmer) in the yard. Make it fun as if you are at the beach or the pool. I used to just wipe my DD’s hair down w a wet towel if she didn’t want to wash her hair. We pretended she was at the salon and getting her hair toweled and wrapped. She loved it because it would weigh her head down and she would rabble. We all have a good laugh and I would wait to give that hair a good wash a day or two later.

Pick your battles, I would take sitting down to read a book or play cars and horses (my DD’s favorite) as a bedtime routine. The hygiene part is just a quick detour before we get to that bedtime routine. Framing these routine in the way she could accept was my big breakthrough.

I feel for you and remember as other posters pointed out, this (phase) shall pass. Good luck.

- mom to two teens (15 & 18)

BS. I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old and guess what? She's a nightmare at the end of the day too and has just gotten 12 hours of my individual attention.
Since your kids are much older I will kindly suggest you probably don't remember what this stage is like and keep your mom shaming to yourself.

I thought her comments were helpful. I didn't see her one line about bonding - in a post of 20 sentences - as shaming the OP. It's a perspective to consider.

+1. There are some good constructive tips in that post. "Bonding" may have struct a nerve with the SAHM, but I also don't read it as mom shaming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 2.5 hours with you each evening is not enough bonding time at this stage. Your child might be telling you in her own 2-year old way (the new found sense of independence) that she is not happy with something. There isn’t a whole lot you can do if you can’t change the daily schedule. The key is to not let it get to you personally and continue to be patient and calm.

At this stage the kids are feeling their boundaries (as they will do from here onwards) and learning the consequences of their actions/inactions. If they push and succeed, they will push more not understanding that something isn’t for them to push. Set very clear expectations (create a big chart w stickers) and stand firm. You are doing the right to big by giving some choices. If she picks none, then you get to decide. That should be made very clear to her.

On the reward and “punishments” (I dislike this word, hence the quotes), don’t use spending time with you as leverage. You don’t want her to associate negative emotions w spending time with you. If she doesn’t want to bath, shower, or hose her down (now that the weather is warmer) in the yard. Make it fun as if you are at the beach or the pool. I used to just wipe my DD’s hair down w a wet towel if she didn’t want to wash her hair. We pretended she was at the salon and getting her hair toweled and wrapped. She loved it because it would weigh her head down and she would rabble. We all have a good laugh and I would wait to give that hair a good wash a day or two later.

Pick your battles, I would take sitting down to read a book or play cars and horses (my DD’s favorite) as a bedtime routine. The hygiene part is just a quick detour before we get to that bedtime routine. Framing these routine in the way she could accept was my big breakthrough.

I feel for you and remember as other posters pointed out, this (phase) shall pass. Good luck.

- mom to two teens (15 & 18)

BS. I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old and guess what? She's a nightmare at the end of the day too and has just gotten 12 hours of my individual attention.
Since your kids are much older I will kindly suggest you probably don't remember what this stage is like and keep your mom shaming to yourself.

I thought her comments were helpful. I didn't see her one line about bonding - in a post of 20 sentences - as shaming the OP. It's a perspective to consider.

+1. There are some good constructive tips in that post. "Bonding" may have struct a nerve with the SAHM, but I also don't read it as mom shaming.

What is the point of telling OP she isn't spending enough bonding time with her kid if not to shame her? Seriously? We all know what that poster meant.

[Anonymous]

It’s called the witching hour for a reason (5pm until bedtime). Now imagine being sahm and doing it all day along.

[Anonymous]

OP here- thanks everyone for all for the feedback. It made me feel much better about things. There were a lot of good takeaways and book recommendations. I will be trying these out to see what works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, 2.5 hours with you each evening is not enough bonding time at this stage. Your child might be telling you in her own 2-year old way (the new found sense of independence) that she is not happy with something. There isn’t a whole lot you can do if you can’t change the daily schedule. The key is to not let it get to you personally and continue to be patient and calm.

At this stage the kids are feeling their boundaries (as they will do from here onwards) and learning the consequences of their actions/inactions. If they push and succeed, they will push more not understanding that something isn’t for them to push. Set very clear expectations (create a big chart w stickers) and stand firm. You are doing the right to big by giving some choices. If she picks none, then you get to decide. That should be made very clear to her.

On the reward and “punishments” (I dislike this word, hence the quotes), don’t use spending time with you as leverage. You don’t want her to associate negative emotions w spending time with you. If she doesn’t want to bath, shower, or hose her down (now that the weather is warmer) in the yard. Make it fun as if you are at the beach or the pool. I used to just wipe my DD’s hair down w a wet towel if she didn’t want to wash her hair. We pretended she was at the salon and getting her hair toweled and wrapped. She loved it because it would weigh her head down and she would rabble. We all have a good laugh and I would wait to give that hair a good wash a day or two later.

Pick your battles, I would take sitting down to read a book or play cars and horses (my DD’s favorite) as a bedtime routine. The hygiene part is just a quick detour before we get to that bedtime routine. Framing these routine in the way she could accept was my big breakthrough.

I feel for you and remember as other posters pointed out, this (phase) shall pass. Good luck.

- mom to two teens (15 & 18)

BS. I'm a SAHM to a 2 year old and guess what? She's a nightmare at the end of the day too and has just gotten 12 hours of my individual attention.
Since your kids are much older I will kindly suggest you probably don't remember what this stage is like and keep your mom shaming to yourself.

Nanny here.

The witching hour is hard, regardless of what they did during the day, who they were with, etc.

There are a few things you can do to make it easier:
1. The schedule from pick up to sleep is sacrosanct. You don’t fudge it, even by 5 minutes, unless there’s a dire emergency.
2. Offer choices during the day. Offer comfort and reliability during the witching hour by not offering choices.
3. Toddlers sometimes eat voraciously, but they sometimes refuse to eat. As long as your child gets enough nutrients during the rest of the week, it doesn’t matter if they skip dinner every night.
4. Think of your toddler as a terrorist. You don’t negotiate with terrorists. You try to keep the situation calm, but you’re not negotiating.
5. This will pass. You may not like whatever phase comes next, so find the silver lining wherever you can. A child who melts down at home every evening feels safe enough to do so. A child who screams no at the top of her voice is learning to advocate for herself. Remind yourself that you will remember this, but your child won’t.

Wow- you sound like a fantastic nanny!!!