attempted suicide of acquaintance- reach out to parent?

[Anonymous]

An acquaintance of my daughter's attempted suicide and is hospitalized. They live in our neighborhood. 9th grade. Kids went to elementary and middle school together. I don't know the mom well at all but wanted to reach out to her. But I don't really know what to say. Should I drop off a gift card to a local restaurant? I really feel for her but I also don't want to intrude during a hard time. Just want to be sensitive and let them know we are sorry and thinking about their family.

[Anonymous]

I had 2 friends commit suicide in high school/college. I honestly don't know if you should reach out to the parents as well - but I would strongly encourage your daughter to reach out to this student with a card or even a text or an email or something. It could mean the world to this other person to know that they are not alone and someone...anyone...cares enough about them as an individual to reach out. I suspect that would mean far more to the parents than hearing from you would as well.

[Anonymous]

Yoir daughter should reach out.

[Anonymous]

OP here: My daughter has reached out on snapchat.

[Anonymous]

I think a simple, handwritten note dropped off to their house would be a kind gesture. Even just a simple "thinking of you" message.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: My daughter has reached out on snapchat.

Has the girl seen this? When my DD was hospitalized, she had no access to her phone.

A note dropped off at the family home (to kid and/or to parents) is a good idea. Once they have an idea of how long she will be hospitalized (some kids are very short term and then come home and do a partial/day program and others require a longer residential stay to get stabilized), you can mail some cards/letters/postcards if she will need a longer stay.

[Anonymous]

If someone had dropped off a note and a giftcard for a take out dinner, you have no idea how I would have appreciated it. And if any of your kids were in activities with mine, I would have given anything for you to offer to drive them. I would have called you later, when I had the emotional bandwidth. And, you would forever be one of my heros. You have no idea how lonely and hard it is.

[Anonymous]

A note with a hi, thinking of you type message with a food giftcard or a token gift of some sort would be kind of you.

Honestly I don't know I would encourage my kid to reach out. I think it could be complicated and possibly make things worse. Not in every circumstance, but in some.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all this input! My daughter has heard from her and she said she’d be in the hospital for 1-2 weeks. I will write a note and get a food gift card and drop it at their house. I appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

I think reaching out line others have said is a wonderful idea op. As the pp said it can be incredibly lonely to be a parent do a child dealing with significant mental health needs. While people often reach out and bring food, or offer to take your other kids, or all sorts of other things for other difficult things - when it comes to mental health people often clam up. So your instincts are wonderful to do something and say something

[Anonymous]

Treat it as you would any other illness because it is. If you'd send a card or meal if she broke her back then send one for this circumstance. The silence implies shame. You are very kind OP.

[Anonymous]

I was in this place and if you were not a close friend I would not have been happy to have you in our family’s business. People can say it’s just like any other illness but the truth is it’s not. We did not spread this news around and I would have been really upset that people I didn’t know well were chatting about it. I only told some friends at the office, in part because I took FMLA leave.

[Anonymous]

I was in this place, too, and there was sooo much silence. One of DD's friends sent a small snack basket with a teddy bear, and that was really touching and appreciated. As a mom, I would have appreciated a note or a phone call just to say "we're thinking of you." As PP noted, it really shouldn't be different from any other illness or hospitalization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in this place and if you were not a close friend I would not have been happy to have you in our family’s business. People can say it’s just like any other illness but the truth is it’s not. We did not spread this news around and I would have been really upset that people I didn’t know well were chatting about it. I only told some friends at the office, in part because I took FMLA leave.

I’m sorry that you have experienced this, but the stigma that you are perpetuating put your loved one even more at risk. It is OK to except help from others when you have a person who has symptoms of an illness that can be deadly. Hiding And shame only makes it worse for everyone who suffers, and it cuts you off from support and help that could potentially be there for you as well.

[Anonymous]

"I don't want to intrude during a difficult time. I can't imagine what you're going through, but want you to know you and Jacinda are in our thoughts. If you want to meet up for coffee outdoors, whether to talk, or be distracted by celebrity gossip, I am always available Wednesday and Fridays after 1pm."