How do I know if my child has special needs, or is just a difficult, brat of a kid?

[Anonymous]

(I hate the word “brat” but used it in the subject so it would fit.)

My son is 5, almost 6, and we are searching for answers and coming up empty. We just aren’t sure if we should treat him like he has special needs, or crack down on his behavior. These behaviors we see at home. He is occasionally difficult at school but is otherwise ok. This makes me think it’s a parenting problem, not special needs, because you can’t be special needs only at home. We don’t know if we should be more strict, or more forgiving because he’s having trouble.

He NEVER listens. Ever. It’s a constant battle: “I’m just going to”...he never, ever listens.

He tantrums over small things (and big things).

He is unpleasant, lacks empathy, rude. He’s also very immature and doesn’t act appropriate with peers.

We had him tested with the public schools and he only qualified for PT services, which we knew. We’ve brought him to a development pediatrician and he said he has anxiety.

Any guidance appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Do you think maybe oppositional defiance disorder fits? That sounds like a lot.

[Anonymous]

Consistency is the best thing you can give him, same routine. every. day.

[Anonymous]

I think you crack down on the things that matter whether he has SN or not. Having adhd or autism ( to name common ones) is not an excuse to be rude to be people. If you give him his own way to avoid a tantrum you are not doing him any favors. When you say he first listen, what you mean is he doesn’t do as he is told right? Unless he is deaf he is listening, he is choosing to ignore you.

[Anonymous]

Five was a rough age for my son. Now 8, he’s so kind and doing great. Try therapy. And I bet he’ll grow out of it.

[Anonymous]

Try changing your approach and model the behavior you want to see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(I hate the word “brat” but used it in the subject so it would fit.)

My son is 5, almost 6, and we are searching for answers and coming up empty. We just aren’t sure if we should treat him like he has special needs, or crack down on his behavior. These behaviors we see at home. He is occasionally difficult at school but is otherwise ok. This makes me think it’s a parenting problem, not special needs, because you can’t be special needs only at home. We don’t know if we should be more strict, or more forgiving because he’s having trouble.

He NEVER listens. Ever. It’s a constant battle: “I’m just going to”...he never, ever listens.

He tantrums over small things (and big things).

He is unpleasant, lacks empathy, rude. He’s also very immature and doesn’t act appropriate with peers.

We had him tested with the public schools and he only qualified for PT services, which we knew. We’ve brought him to a development pediatrician and he said he has anxiety.

Any guidance appreciated.

This sounds like a diagnosis - do you have a reason to doubt it? What did the dev ped say for how to deal with your child’s anxiety?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Five was a rough age for my son. Now 8, he’s so kind and doing great. Try therapy. And I bet he’ll grow out of it.

OP here and I feel like we keep saying that also. Maybe school will help?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you crack down on the things that matter whether he has SN or not. Having adhd or autism ( to name common ones) is not an excuse to be rude to be people. If you give him his own way to avoid a tantrum you are not doing him any favors. When you say he first listen, what you mean is he doesn’t do as he is told right? Unless he is deaf he is listening, he is choosing to ignore you.

This is how I feel also. No “label” is an excuse!

For the listening, he never ever listens. He does whatever he wants.

[Anonymous]

What are you doing to address his anxiety? I have a similar kid also diagnosed with anxiety. She's learning cbt techniques with a therapist. All the experts we've talked to have said to double down on the positive parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you doing to address his anxiety? I have a similar kid also diagnosed with anxiety. She's learning cbt techniques with a therapist. All the experts we've talked to have said to double down on the positive parenting.

Resources, please? (Op)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(I hate the word “brat” but used it in the subject so it would fit.)

My son is 5, almost 6, and we are searching for answers and coming up empty. We just aren’t sure if we should treat him like he has special needs, or crack down on his behavior. These behaviors we see at home. He is occasionally difficult at school but is otherwise ok. This makes me think it’s a parenting problem, not special needs, because you can’t be special needs only at home. We don’t know if we should be more strict, or more forgiving because he’s having trouble.

He NEVER listens. Ever. It’s a constant battle: “I’m just going to”...he never, ever listens.

He tantrums over small things (and big things).

He is unpleasant, lacks empathy, rude. He’s also very immature and doesn’t act appropriate with peers.

We had him tested with the public schools and he only qualified for PT services, which we knew. We’ve brought him to a development pediatrician and he said he has anxiety.

Any guidance appreciated.

This sounds like a diagnosis - do you have a reason to doubt it? What did the dev ped say for how to deal with your child’s anxiety?

It is a diagnosis I suppose, but the anxiety doesn’t cause the rudeness and not listening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(I hate the word “brat” but used it in the subject so it would fit.)

My son is 5, almost 6, and we are searching for answers and coming up empty. We just aren’t sure if we should treat him like he has special needs, or crack down on his behavior. These behaviors we see at home. He is occasionally difficult at school but is otherwise ok. This makes me think it’s a parenting problem, not special needs, because you can’t be special needs only at home. We don’t know if we should be more strict, or more forgiving because he’s having trouble.

He NEVER listens. Ever. It’s a constant battle: “I’m just going to”...he never, ever listens.

He tantrums over small things (and big things).

He is unpleasant, lacks empathy, rude. He’s also very immature and doesn’t act appropriate with peers.

We had him tested with the public schools and he only qualified for PT services, which we knew. We’ve brought him to a development pediatrician and he said he has anxiety.

Any guidance appreciated

This sounds like a diagnosis - do you have a reason to doubt it? What did the dev ped say for how to deal with your child’s anxiety?

It is a diagnosis I suppose, but the anxiety doesn’t cause the rudeness and not listening.

Yes, it can. It should also inform how you respond.

For my borderline kid, it’s way easier to treat him as SN. That doesn’t mean letting big things slide at all - it means using different techniques to get the desired result (a human who can get along well enough).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(I hate the word “brat” but used it in the subject so it would fit.)

My son is 5, almost 6, and we are searching for answers and coming up empty. We just aren’t sure if we should treat him like he has special needs, or crack down on his behavior. These behaviors we see at home. He is occasionally difficult at school but is otherwise ok. This makes me think it’s a parenting problem, not special needs, because you can’t be special needs only at home. We don’t know if we should be more strict, or more forgiving because he’s having trouble.

He NEVER listens. Ever. It’s a constant battle: “I’m just going to”...he never, ever listens.

He tantrums over small things (and big things).

He is unpleasant, lacks empathy, rude. He’s also very immature and doesn’t act appropriate with peers.

We had him tested with the public schools and he only qualified for PT services, which we knew. We’ve brought him to a development pediatrician and he said he has anxiety.

Any guidance appreciated

This sounds like a diagnosis - do you have a reason to doubt it? What did the dev ped say for how to deal with your child’s anxiety?

It is a diagnosis I suppose, but the anxiety doesn’t cause the rudeness and not listening.

Yes, it can. It should also inform how you respond.

For my borderline kid, it’s way easier to treat him as SN. That doesn’t mean letting big things slide at all - it means using different techniques to get the desired result (a human who can get along well enough).

Can you please elaborate? What do you mean “treat him as special needs”? What are big things?

I am STRUGGLING! The anxiety is obvious in him, but his behavior is TOUGH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(I hate the word “brat” but used it in the subject so it would fit.)

My son is 5, almost 6, and we are searching for answers and coming up empty. We just aren’t sure if we should treat him like he has special needs, or crack down on his behavior. These behaviors we see at home. He is occasionally difficult at school but is otherwise ok. This makes me think it’s a parenting problem, not special needs, because you can’t be special needs only at home. We don’t know if we should be more strict, or more forgiving because he’s having trouble.

He NEVER listens. Ever. It’s a constant battle: “I’m just going to”...he never, ever listens.

He tantrums over small things (and big things).

He is unpleasant, lacks empathy, rude. He’s also very immature and doesn’t act appropriate with peers.

We had him tested with the public schools and he only qualified for PT services, which we knew. We’ve brought him to a development pediatrician and he said he has anxiety.

Any guidance appreciated.

Take the Dr Dan Shapiro parenting class, no offered online with weekly zoom talks on the materials and things to try.
I believe a new one is starting soon.

We signed up because one of us needed more tools in the parenting toolbox.

At the end of it there are addl classes on special needs if those are suspected after trying the parenting stuff CONSISTENTLY.