Bridal party conundrum- please help!

[Anonymous]

I would really love to hear people's input.
My partner and I are getting married February 2022, originally wedding was planned for February of this year, but we postponed it to 2022 due to covid. The background: I have 3 brothers. The older brother is single, and he will be marrying us (he is ordained and has performed several ceremonies) my 2 younger brothers are twins, they are only a year younger than I am, and they will be my bridesmen. We are Italian and grew up in a tight-knit family, thus, family is very important to me. Here is where I am having a hard time. Both my twin brothers are married, so there is SIL1 and SIL2.
Both SILs have helped me through some tough times, however, SIL1 has been especially supportive and I have grown to really love her, meanwhile, SIL2 has caused me a lot of stress in the past and we aren't as close.
I'd like to have SIL1 be a part of my wedding party, as a bridesmaid, but I worry that SIL2 will feel left out, since she will be the only family member not included. I do not want SIL2 as a bridesmaid at all, so my question is, do I include SIL1? or do I leave her out of the wedding party to spare SIL2's feelings?

My partner will have his college roommate as his best man, and my best friend of 20 years will be my MOH.

Please help me figure this out!

[Anonymous]

...how old are you?

[Anonymous]

I'd include both SILs.

[Anonymous]

No advice except hindsight I would not have a bridal party at all.

[Anonymous]

I would not include either SIL in the bridal party because including one but not the other is messy (and may cause the twin whose wife is not invited to step out, which you would be very upset by). Have a bachelorette party and invite them both.

Who makes the cut for the bridal party feels like a big deal when you're in the weeds (particularly if you're getting married on the younger side) but it's not that serious. The one you feel close to is not going to feel slighted if you have two attendants and they're both your brothers. However, if you go out of your way to invite both brothers and one of their wives, you're drawing attention to your bad relationship with the one left out.

[Anonymous]

You definitely need to include either include either both SILs or neither- unless one is completely estranged from the families this should not even be a question. Since you’re already going non-traditional with your brothers as “brides men” why not just have the sisters be “grooms maids” to balance it out. Otherwise it will seem a little weird to have a whole posse on the bride’s side and just the best man on the groom’s.

[Anonymous]

Just include them both. It’s the kind, family centered thing to do. And it really is a small thing but something that should ideally include the whole family. It’s not like by asking someone to be in your bridal party, you’re committing to always hang out w that person forever more or declaring they’re your BFF or anything that demonstrative. It’s just someone to stand up next to you on your wedding day and possibly also be in attendance/involved in a few other wedding-related events.

[Anonymous]

I only had my sister to cut down on drama from my husbands large family.

Either both or none.

[Anonymous]

Definitely can’t exclude one SIL unless you want to create a ton of drama.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like there’s only a couple standing up with your future husband? If so, try to match the number of people he has. But you can’t only include one SIL. Include both or neither. You know this.

[Anonymous]

I would not listen to the advice here and just include the SIL you like and are buddy buddy with. What makes you think the other SIL even wants to be included? If I were her, I couldn’t care less.

[Anonymous]

If you won’t do both, then neither should be bridesmaids. You can’t treat them like friends. They are your brothers wives and will be in your life for a long time. Treat both like family. Imagine if you invited one sister to be in your wedding but not the other? It kind of doesn’t matter how you feel about them in this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not listen to the advice here and just include the SIL you like and are buddy buddy with. What makes you think the other SIL even wants to be included? If I were her, I couldn’t care less.

Most people would be hurt by this exclusion, I think. Of course not everyone would care but many/most would. I don’t even like being a bridesmaid and kind of cringe when asked but it would still hurt my feelings if I was the only family member left out of the wedding party.

[Anonymous]

Both or none. I agree with pp-surely you know this!

[Anonymous]

You and your DH do not need to have equal #s in your bridal party. I mean it when I say that it just does not matter if he has 1 best man and you have 3 bridesmaids. Doesn’t matter.