Bridal party conundrum- please help!

[Anonymous]

Look at including the difficult SIL as making some sort of peace offering so the drama calms down.

You could also offer the SILs the option of being bridesmaids or doing something else, like reading.

[Anonymous]

I married old enough that picking bridesmaids felt difficult as I had many phases of life (college, grad school, a few cities) so I just had my two brothers as my “bridesmen.” DH had his brother as a best man. It was really nice just having our siblings up there.

I would do neither of your SILs.

[Anonymous]

Neither of them should be a bridesmaid - keep your bridal party small.

[Anonymous]

You’ll realize at some point that who is or isn’t in the bridal party doesn’t really matter - unless it leads to a lot of hurt feelings and drama. Including the one you don’t like would be fine, excluding both sound be fine. One and not the other makes it weird and obvious you don’t like her, it’s so not worth It and could affect your relationship with your brother over something that really isn’t important in the scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

Include both of them. Anything else is going to be hurtful and ruin your wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You and your DH do not need to have equal #s in your bridal party. I mean it when I say that it just does not matter if he has 1 best man and you have 3 bridesmaids. Doesn’t matter.

Agree that equal is not necessary but 5 vs 1 (which it sounds like would be the case if OP includes her SILs) is over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...how old are you?

30

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...how old are you?

30

Skip the bridesmaids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not include either SIL in the bridal party because including one but not the other is messy (and may cause the twin whose wife is not invited to step out, which you would be very upset by). Have a bachelorette party and invite them both.

Who makes the cut for the bridal party feels like a big deal when you're in the weeds (particularly if you're getting married on the younger side) but it's not that serious. The one you feel close to is not going to feel slighted if you have two attendants and they're both your brothers. However, if you go out of your way to invite both brothers and one of their wives, you're drawing attention to your bad relationship with the one left out.

Thank you for pointing this out, those are good points, and I definitely don't want to draw attention to bad relationship.

[Anonymous]

I’d say neither, maybe have them do a reading or a toast together, the closer one will probably take the lead but they’ll officially be even.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ll realize at some point that who is or isn’t in the bridal party doesn’t really matter - unless it leads to a lot of hurt feelings and drama. Including the one you don’t like would be fine, excluding both sound be fine. One and not the other makes it weird and obvious you don’t like her, it’s so not worth It and could affect your relationship with your brother over something that really isn’t important in the scheme of things.

This is what I am afraid of, thanks for input.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not listen to the advice here and just include the SIL you like and are buddy buddy with. What makes you think the other SIL even wants to be included? If I were her, I couldn’t care less.

Most people would be hurt by this exclusion, I think. Of course not everyone would care but many/most would. I don’t even like being a bridesmaid and kind of cringe when asked but it would still hurt my feelings if I was the only family member left out of the wedding party.

Oh my goodness, I’m not included in the family photo card or newsletter by a certain family member but I don’t care. Why? Because that frees me from future obligations to this family member. No one owes anyone anything. Live your life OP.

[Anonymous]

Either include both or neither. You’ll spare yourself decades of drama and hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not listen to the advice here and just include the SIL you like and are buddy buddy with. What makes you think the other SIL even wants to be included? If I were her, I couldn’t care less.

Most people would be hurt by this exclusion, I think. Of course not everyone would care but many/most would. I don’t even like being a bridesmaid and kind of cringe when asked but it would still hurt my feelings if I was the only family member left out of the wedding party.

Oh my goodness, I’m not included in the family photo card or newsletter by a certain family member but I don’t care. Why? Because that frees me from future obligations to this family member. No one owes anyone anything. Live your life OP.

As long as OP is cool with SIL and her brother cooling ties as a result

[Anonymous]

Both or none. Don’t be rude.