Daughter broken-hearted over favoritism

[Anonymous]

My daughter is trying out for a high school sports team that our school system treats as a club. So parents are largely responsible for paying to play and then fundraising on top of that.

My daughter has been attending all the practices, and even extra ones when a rival for her position missed them. This week for Spring Break her rival is away in Florida.

This evening my daughter got an email from the coach and then dissolved into tears. He said it’s great she’s going to attend every practice this week, but that she won’t be able to get much playing time this season. He said to my daughter that she just doesn’t contribute as much as the rival and her family do to the team’s fortunes. He said he’d try to get her an opportunity to compete at some point this season, but she has to understand that starting ahead of the rival won’t be happening.

Her Mom (my ex) is furious and wants to call the coach and give him the business. I disagree because although my daughter does seem to be better at her position than the rival, as a club sport the coach has to balance the books. If the other kid’s parents can balance the club’s books with a check, well that’s the breaks. My daughter still gets to put this down as a club sport on her college application, and she gets to work with kids at practice and bond with her teammates. She also learns that life isn’t fair, and sometimes things are more complicated than they appear at first glance.

I just hung up on my ex when she screamed at me as I tried to explain this. Am I missing something? It would be one thing if it were say high school football with the school system largely funding the team. Then I’d be really upset at the coach. But I’m a high school club sport where finances matter. I just don’t see how I can begrudge the coach for doing what he has to do to keep the club going another year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is trying out for a high school sports team that our school system treats as a club. So parents are largely responsible for paying to play and then fundraising on top of that.

My daughter has been attending all the practices, and even extra ones when a rival for her position missed them. This week for Spring Break her rival is away in Florida.

This evening my daughter got an email from the coach and then dissolved into tears. He said it’s great she’s going to attend every practice this week, but that she won’t be able to get much playing time this season. He said to my daughter that she just doesn’t contribute as much as the rival and her family do to the team’s fortunes. He said he’d try to get her an opportunity to compete at some point this season, but she has to understand that starting ahead of the rival won’t be happening.

Her Mom (my ex) is furious and wants to call the coach and give him the business. I disagree because although my daughter does seem to be better at her position than the rival, as a club sport the coach has to balance the books. If the other kid’s parents can balance the club’s books with a check, well that’s the breaks. My daughter still gets to put this down as a club sport on her college application, and she gets to work with kids at practice and bond with her teammates. She also learns that life isn’t fair, and sometimes things are more complicated than they appear at first glance.

I just hung up on my ex when she screamed at me as I tried to explain this. Am I missing something? It would be one thing if it were say high school football with the school system largely funding the team. Then I’d be really upset at the coach. But I’m a high school club sport where finances matter. I just don’t see how I can begrudge the coach for doing what he has to do to keep the club going another year.

I sincerely doubt he said it this way. What did the coach say exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is trying out for a high school sports team that our school system treats as a club. So parents are largely responsible for paying to play and then fundraising on top of that.

My daughter has been attending all the practices, and even extra ones when a rival for her position missed them. This week for Spring Break her rival is away in Florida.

This evening my daughter got an email from the coach and then dissolved into tears. He said it’s great she’s going to attend every practice this week, but that she won’t be able to get much playing time this season. He said to my daughter that she just doesn’t contribute as much as the rival and her family do to the team’s fortunes. He said he’d try to get her an opportunity to compete at some point this season, but she has to understand that starting ahead of the rival won’t be happening.

Her Mom (my ex) is furious and wants to call the coach and give him the business. I disagree because although my daughter does seem to be better at her position than the rival, as a club sport the coach has to balance the books. If the other kid’s parents can balance the club’s books with a check, well that’s the breaks. My daughter still gets to put this down as a club sport on her college application, and she gets to work with kids at practice and bond with her teammates. She also learns that life isn’t fair, and sometimes things are more complicated than they appear at first glance.

I just hung up on my ex when she screamed at me as I tried to explain this. Am I missing something? It would be one thing if it were say high school football with the school system largely funding the team. Then I’d be really upset at the coach. But I’m a high school club sport where finances matter. I just don’t see how I can begrudge the coach for doing what he has to do to keep the club going another year.

You're right and your ex is crazy. But you already know that.

Your job now, OP, is to keep your daughter from turning into her mother. You have to step up to the plate here, get your ex in line so that she doesn't make a total ass of herself and really ruin the family's relationship with the coach, and have a hard heart to heart with your DD. Repeat that conversation as necessary.

[Anonymous]

Sports shouldn't be this important. She needs different hobbies.

[Anonymous]

You write a bigger check, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is trying out for a high school sports team that our school system treats as a club. So parents are largely responsible for paying to play and then fundraising on top of that.

My daughter has been attending all the practices, and even extra ones when a rival for her position missed them. This week for Spring Break her rival is away in Florida.

This evening my daughter got an email from the coach and then dissolved into tears. He said it’s great she’s going to attend every practice this week, but that she won’t be able to get much playing time this season. He said to my daughter that she just doesn’t contribute as much as the rival and her family do to the team’s fortunes. He said he’d try to get her an opportunity to compete at some point this season, but she has to understand that starting ahead of the rival won’t be happening.

Her Mom (my ex) is furious and wants to call the coach and give him the business. I disagree because although my daughter does seem to be better at her position than the rival, as a club sport the coach has to balance the books. If the other kid’s parents can balance the club’s books with a check, well that’s the breaks. My daughter still gets to put this down as a club sport on her college application, and she gets to work with kids at practice and bond with her teammates. She also learns that life isn’t fair, and sometimes things are more complicated than they appear at first glance.

I just hung up on my ex when she screamed at me as I tried to explain this. Am I missing something? It would be one thing if it were say high school football with the school system largely funding the team. Then I’d be really upset at the coach. But I’m a high school club sport where finances matter. I just don’t see how I can begrudge the coach for doing what he has to do to keep the club going another year.

I sincerely doubt he said it this way. What did the coach say exactly.

This. Not the whole story.

[Anonymous]

The coaches exact words were: "If you want to win the race to Dubai, you need a road paved in gold"

[Anonymous]

At the end of the email, he said: "The pauper is vulnerable to pride and pride is the destroyer of man's glory."

[Anonymous]

This coach sound like a weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the end of the email, he said: "The pauper is vulnerable to pride and pride is the destroyer of man's glory."

Um, what now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At the end of the email, he said: "The pauper is vulnerable to pride and pride is the destroyer of man's glory."

I think the coach has forgotten who is begging for money in his scenario,

[Anonymous]

OP,

You send that email right away to the school and tell them that you've reached your limit on favoritism! That you're fed up with some families paying their way for their children, and that your child, despite showing up to all practices and doing very well, is being passed over yet again in favor of a large check.

It may not change the roster, but it will create a paper trail for this terrible coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This coach sound like a weirdo.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and CC it to all the club's parents as well.

[Anonymous]

You've got nothing to lose by going nuclear, OP. Your kid won't win a scholarship. She won't get into college on the strength of this team. So might as well do the right thing, and cause a MASSIVE STINK over this. Contact the PTA, the school Principal, the athletics department, and the other parents on the team. This is going to keep happening if you let it.