Daughter broken-hearted over favoritism

[Anonymous]

This whole thing seems odd to me. In my experience, when club sports have to fundraiser like this, team members are told what the per-athlete cost of he team is, and then are expected to raise that amount through fundraising and hen have their parents cut a check for whatever they don’t earn through fundraising. U less your daughter isn’t covering the cost of her own participation, what you’ve described is unusual.

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. Is it a school team or a club team?

[Anonymous]

Is OP describing Bethesda Soccer Club?

[Anonymous]

Coaches like to win. Winning is what’s important. Winning draws other kids to the program. I doubt the reason why your child isn’t pushed ahead is because of money, when I am assuming all kids paid the same fees, and had the same fundraising requirement. This doesn’t past the smell test. Teach your kid that no matter how hard she works their may always be someone more talented than her who can just dial it in.

[Anonymous]

I agree most teams split fundraising equally, but I have seen some parents kick in more, usually to help cover the costs of another kid. Since your DD isn't planning to play in college, I agree with the course you described - have fun, hang with friends, check the box on the college application - this is what most HS athletes do anyway. I would also let her skip any future fundraising activities and, if the coach complains, suggest the other family cover her end since their kid is getting the playing time. It stinks, but she'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

I’d send this to the school, assuming this is some way sponsored by the school. I can see both sides of the argument but it is pretty gross for the coach to admit that to the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sports shouldn't be this important. She needs different hobbies.

Any hobby that a kid enjoys is fine and is important to them. Just because someone doesn't like the same hobbies you do isn't a reason to be dismissive.

[Anonymous]

OP here. To clarify, this is an official school activity, but it does NOT have varsity status. That means the school lends its name and facilities to the activity, and the activity needs to follow the school system’s regulations on when they can meet, the official health forms the participants fill out, background checks on the coaches, etc. However, no school funds are expended for coaches, equipment, buses, etc.

People wonder exactly what the coach said. He didn’t say explicitly that the rival’s parents paid $5k for their daughter to win the spot in the lineup. But I think it’s obvious what happened if you read between the lines. Yes the coach wants to win, but first he wants to compete. Unfortunately the sponsor making that happen has a daughter competing with mine.

I wish I could write a check and place my daughter onto equal footing. But then the rival’s Dad would just up the ante. This is lunch money to him.

I appreciate the thoughts on what to do. I don’t really see how going to the school matters given that this is a (school) club sport and not varsity. There’s just not enough interest for the school to step in and pressure the coach—even if somehow media covered this. He can just drop the program and turn a large number of well-off parents against the school (and my daughter).

[Anonymous]

This is a high school sport? Like player through the school? I would be pissed too and would be taking this to the Principal. If it’s a private club that is not affiliated with the school system there is not much you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a high school sport? Like player through the school? I would be pissed too and would be taking this to the Principal. If it’s a private club that is not affiliated with the school system there is not much you can do.

I am this PP . Sorry, I just read your last post OP. I didn’t growl up here or go to HS here so I don’t really understand how this works......... My DD is 8 so maybe this will make sense to me when she is in HS

[Anonymous]

This feels like a made up story.

[Anonymous]

This is exactly my kids play tennis and golf, 4 years Varsity starters, for this exact reason. It is not possible in these two sports because there is a record paper trail on what my kids do against others. Coaches get into troubles if they try to pull something like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To clarify, this is an official school activity, but it does NOT have varsity status. That means the school lends its name and facilities to the activity, and the activity needs to follow the school system’s regulations on when they can meet, the official health forms the participants fill out, background checks on the coaches, etc. However, no school funds are expended for coaches, equipment, buses, etc.

People wonder exactly what the coach said. He didn’t say explicitly that the rival’s parents paid $5k for their daughter to win the spot in the lineup. But I think it’s obvious what happened if you read between the lines. Yes the coach wants to win, but first he wants to compete. Unfortunately the sponsor making that happen has a daughter competing with mine.

I wish I could write a check and place my daughter onto equal footing. But then the rival’s Dad would just up the ante. This is lunch money to him.

I appreciate the thoughts on what to do. I don’t really see how going to the school matters given that this is a (school) club sport and not varsity. There’s just not enough interest for the school to step in and pressure the coach—even if somehow media covered this. He can just drop the program and turn a large number of well-off parents against the school (and my daughter).

This sounds like boys club hockey, but it could apply to any club sport.

I mean look at all the soccer clubs. Everyone knows certain players are on certain teams because their parents contribute money or do private coaching with the coaches and that kind of thing. This even applies to regular HS sports that are funded by the HS. In our area one group of players has been coached for years over the summer by one of the HS coaches. This is technically an ethics violation for that coach but it's a rich area and no one is going to report her. All "her" kids she coaches in the summer make the team and there's no room for anyone else. You'd argue they are better but isn't part of it because their parents have been paying for years for 1:1 coaching and small group coaching beyond what others can afford?

I'm sorry for your DC, OP. I'm not sure what I'd do. Your ex's approach sounds reasonable. Change only comes from people who speak out but I also get your position of wanting her to continue having a good relationship with the coach and her teammates.

[Anonymous]

I don’t believe a word of this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've got nothing to lose by going nuclear, OP. Your kid won't win a scholarship. She won't get into college on the strength of this team. So might as well do the right thing, and cause a MASSIVE STINK over this. Contact the PTA, the school Principal, the athletics department, and the other parents on the team. This is going to keep happening if you let it.

The thing to think about is how they will affect his kid socially at school. Tell her this sucks but it is a life lesson. Find something else. You won’t get anywhere with going nuclear.