Daughter broken-hearted over favoritism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Is it a school team or a club team?

It's right there... right there in the first sentence. Right there! All you had to do was read it:

"My daughter is trying out for a high school[u] sports team ------

Come on! You scare me that this is something that confused you!

Calm down. I think a lot of people are confused about the mechanics of a high school club sports team.

Unless your family is involved in a sport like hockey, crew or a few other sports, you probably haven't encountered this kind of hybrid. It is usually sports that require a pretty high expense/capital commitment so parents step up to help organize and fundraise/contribute extra.

I am surprised that a coach would risk putting any of this in an email rather than meet with the kid in person. In my experience, coaches actually don't play favorites with big donors or otherwise "involved" parents if a kid is clearly an inferior player - more than anything coaches want to win. I think there is more going on here.

I actually think the coach did her a favor in some ways to be upfront about playing time etc. so she can decide if it is worth it to stick with it.

Was it OP who mentioned the weird quotes about fundraising or others making those up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the rival hacked the coaches email and your daughter is being trolled. Otherwise, the coach should be fired.

I think *we* are being trolled.

[Anonymous]

There are no high school club sports that require any substantive funding at all. None.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are no high school club sports that require any substantive funding at all. None.

So, you are unfamiliar with crew in public schools? What made you decide to post here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sports shouldn't be this important. She needs different hobbies.

+1

And a reality check. That’s just life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The coaches exact words were: "If you want to win the race to Dubai, you need a road paved in gold"

Time to talk to the principal and the School Supervisor.

I don't believe that these quotes are real. If a coach ever did so far forget himself as to write insane nonsense like that in an email, I'd immediately go to principal or headmaster. Someone writing that kind of stuff seems too potentially unstable to be around children. I say this as a former middle school coach and parent of a kid who played club, rec, and school sports 2nd-12th grade.

OP here. The coach didn’t say anything like “gold in Dubai”. Somebody else made that up.

This is what I wrote: “ This evening my daughter got an email from the coach and then dissolved into tears. He said it’s great she’s going to attend every practice this week, but that she won’t be able to get much playing time this season. He said to my daughter that she just doesn’t contribute as much as the rival and her family do to the team’s fortunes. He said he’d try to get her an opportunity to compete at some point this season, but she has to understand that starting ahead of the rival won’t be happening. ”

I have to say, this whole thing has made negotiating Easter with the ex less than fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The coaches exact words were: "If you want to win the race to Dubai, you need a road paved in gold"

Time to talk to the principal and the School Supervisor.

I don't believe that these quotes are real. If a coach ever did so far forget himself as to write insane nonsense like that in an email, I'd immediately go to principal or headmaster. Someone writing that kind of stuff seems too potentially unstable to be around children. I say this as a former middle school coach and parent of a kid who played club, rec, and school sports 2nd-12th grade.

OP here. The coach didn’t say anything like “gold in Dubai”. Somebody else made that up.

This is what I wrote: “ This evening my daughter got an email from the coach and then dissolved into tears. He said it’s great she’s going to attend every practice this week, but that she won’t be able to get much playing time this season. He said to my daughter that she just doesn’t contribute as much as the rival and her family do to the team’s fortunes. He said he’d try to get her an opportunity to compete at some point this season, but she has to understand that starting ahead of the rival won’t be happening. ”

I have to say, this whole thing has made negotiating Easter with the ex less than fun.

Just go with what the ex wants, save the peace. Your child will be fine either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Is it a school team or a club team?

It's right there... right there in the first sentence. Right there! All you had to do was read it:

"My daughter is trying out for a high school[u] sports team ------

Come on! You scare me that this is something that confused you!

Good lord, you sound like a raging lunatic. OP said it was a high school sport then went on and in about how it’s a club sport. If you don’t understand why that’s confusing, I don’t know what to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Is it a school team or a club team?

It's right there... right there in the first sentence. Right there! All you had to do was read it:

"My daughter is trying out for a high school[u] sports team ------

Come on! You scare me that this is something that confused you!

Calm down. I think a lot of people are confused about the mechanics of a high school club sports team.

Unless your family is involved in a sport like hockey, crew or a few other sports, you probably haven't encountered this kind of hybrid. It is usually sports that require a pretty high expense/capital commitment so parents step up to help organize and fundraise/contribute extra.

I am surprised that a coach would risk putting any of this in an email rather than meet with the kid in person. In my experience, coaches actually don't play favorites with big donors or otherwise "involved" parents if a kid is clearly an inferior player - more than anything coaches want to win. I think there is more going on here.

I actually think the coach did her a favor in some ways to be upfront about playing time etc. so she can decide if it is worth it to stick with it.

Was it OP who mentioned the weird quotes about fundraising or others making those up?

As I said above, I didn’t embellish with false quotes about gold and Dubai. That person is trolling me.

Otherwise, thank you for all your insight. It’s been really helpful as I think about this. I’ve been doing some research on “Pay to Play”. http://www.askcoachwolff.com/2020/03/29/pay-for-play-is-this-hss-policy-a-sneak-preview-of-the-future-of-travel-and-hs-sports/" target="_new" rel="nofollow">This piece is really thoughtful, discussing the St. John’s College High School allowing their baseball coach to require playing for the coach’s travel team. Indeed my daughter’s coach runs his own camp separate from the high school club team. We didn’t send our daughter to his camp last summer or Fall because Covid. I guess that was the wrong decision .

We have our kid in his camp now while the season gets ramped up. My daughter enjoys the activity, except for being benched. I’m thinking to have her continue this spring, and then attend not just his camp this summer but one or two others. Then she can get more input on her ability, and advocate for herself as school starts again in the Fall (with offseason training). The challenge is to keep my ex calm. I still get along with her sister and she’s good at talking my ex down from the ledge. Maybe I’ll text her to talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Is it a school team or a club team?

It's right there... right there in the first sentence. Right there! All you had to do was read it:

"My daughter is trying out for a high school[u] sports team ------

Come on! You scare me that this is something that confused you!

Good lord, you sound like a raging lunatic. OP said it was a high school sport then went on and in about how it’s a club sport. If you don’t understand why that’s confusing, I don’t know what to tell you.

OP here. High school sport with club (not varsity) status. Meaning the school only lends its name and some facility support to “its” team. Parents and fundraising cover the costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Is it a school team or a club team?

It's right there... right there in the first sentence. Right there! All you had to do was read it:

"My daughter is trying out for a high school[u] sports team ------

Come on! You scare me that this is something that confused you!

Good lord, you sound like a raging lunatic. OP said it was a high school sport then went on and in about how it’s a club sport. If you don’t understand why that’s confusing, I don’t know what to tell you.

OP here. High school sport with club (not varsity) status. Meaning the school only lends its name and some facility support to “its” team. Parents and fundraising cover the costs.

Ok. Thank you for clarification

[Anonymous]

Recruit the ex-wife to cosy up to the coach, take him back to her place, get some incriminating photos and hey presto, your kid’s in the starting lineup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's so sad how many people on this thread are siding with the bribe schemers.

If this was happening to your child, you'd be livid.

Seriously Wtf. Maybe they are the bribe schemers PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Is it a school team or a club team?

It's right there... right there in the first sentence. Right there! All you had to do was read it:

"My daughter is trying out for a high school[u] sports team ------

Come on! You scare me that this is something that confused you!

Calm down. I think a lot of people are confused about the mechanics of a high school club sports team.

Unless your family is involved in a sport like hockey, crew or a few other sports, you probably haven't encountered this kind of hybrid. It is usually sports that require a pretty high expense/capital commitment so parents step up to help organize and fundraise/contribute extra.

I am surprised that a coach would risk putting any of this in an email rather than meet with the kid in person. In my experience, coaches actually don't play favorites with big donors or otherwise "involved" parents if a kid is clearly an inferior player - more than anything coaches want to win. I think there is more going on here.

I actually think the coach did her a favor in some ways to be upfront about playing time etc. so she can decide if it is worth it to stick with it.

Was it OP who mentioned the weird quotes about fundraising or others making those up?

Calm down! You are an idiot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. Is it a school team or a club team?

It's right there... right there in the first sentence. Right there! All you had to do was read it:

"My daughter is trying out for a high school[u] sports team ------

Come on! You scare me that this is something that confused you!

Good lord, you sound like a raging lunatic. OP said it was a high school sport then went on and in about how it’s a club sport. If you don’t understand why that’s confusing, I don’t know what to tell you.

And you sound illiterate.