Is it wrong for me to deny my daughter love from her paternal grandparents?

[Anonymous]

My in-laws have not been the nicest to me. MIL blocked my husband and me out on whatsapp during my ankle fracture because my husband told her to stop sending me forwards. She passed some comments on me after marriage. We cut them out 4 years ago but husband reached out and spoke to them during covid. He did tell them about our daughter when she was 3 months old. They did talk to my daughter. Everytime my husband spoke to his mom she asked about me and if I was doing ok. I haven't spoken to her. My daughter is now 14 months and I feel like I am denying her their love. They have been wanting to see her but my husband has kept it to the minimum since I told him I feel they don't deserve to know her but from my daughter's perspective I feel I am not being fair to her. Any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

You guys are all so messed up. Your husband is trying to respect your wish that you told him that you don't think they deserve to know her. I don't know WHY he told her to stop sending you forwards - surely you're an adult and can A. speak for yourself and B. ignore them and C. take them for what they were - your MIL's way of trying to connect when she clearly didn't know how to talk to you

You had a baby and your MIL has REPEATEDLY reached out. Accept that. Pull yourself together.

[Anonymous]

What on earth were in the forwards? Unless it was racist QANON stuff all of this seems just outrageously overblown. Imagine ending all contact with a branch of the family over being blocked on WhatsApp, something a functioning adult shouldn't even use.

[Anonymous]

Yes it is wrong of you to deny your daughter from her grandparents. Kids need all the love they can get. You sound remarkably immature OP. I hope you decide to get some help in therapy so you can mature. Even a little will help.

[Anonymous]

Outside of an abuse or addiction/safety situation, yes I do believe a child deserves to experience the love of grandparents. It's a familial bond outside of a child's ties to his/her parents and a unique connection to an older generation. It's also important for your child to witness how forgiveness and conflict resolution work in a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What on earth were in the forwards? Unless it was racist QANON stuff all of this seems just outrageously overblown. Imagine ending all contact with a branch of the family over being blocked on WhatsApp, something a functioning adult shouldn't even use.

+1

[Anonymous]

You cut them off because she blocked you on WhatsApp? She doesn't "deserve" to know her grandchild because she "hasn't been the nicest"? Sheesh.

I agree -- outside of abuse or addiction, I don't think that denying a grandchild the ability to have a loving relationship with grandparents is justified. The more people who love your daughter, the better.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I also denied my in-laws the joy of having a relationship with my kids. They have nothing else to be proud of in the way of accomplishments. No good jobs, no wealth, no education, no connections. Mediocre people who feel most comfortable with other mediocre people. They are not abusive or dysfunctional, just average. Nothing to love for except for their kids or grandkids. So once MIL looked down on me for being snobby, I withdrew. My kids are adults and have minimal relationship and I’m not mad about it. We gave them so much more and my parents too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I also denied my in-laws the joy of having a relationship with my kids. They have nothing else to be proud of in the way of accomplishments. No good jobs, no wealth, no education, no connections. Mediocre people who feel most comfortable with other mediocre people. They are not abusive or dysfunctional, just average. Nothing to love for except for their kids or grandkids. So once MIL looked down on me for being snobby, I withdrew. My kids are adults and have minimal relationship and I’m not mad about it. We gave them so much more and my parents too.

Assuming this isn't a bizarre troll, you actually sound like complete trash.

[Anonymous]

you told your husband that your ILs do not deserve to know your daughter (their grandchild). you also closed contacts with them for years apparently. yet there is nothing in your email that explain why you reach such a harsh conclusion.

it really depends. I have people in my extended family who closed contact with a parent (and never let the parent meet their kids when they were born) but we all understand because there were very serious reasons of abuse. not "they forwarded me crap on whatsapp or Facebook" or made a rude comment years ago. it is unclear what your ILs did to you. unless there is something really significant, then obviously they should have a relationship with their son and grandchild and you can just avoid seeing them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I also denied my in-laws the joy of having a relationship with my kids. They have nothing else to be proud of in the way of accomplishments. No good jobs, no wealth, no education, no connections. Mediocre people who feel most comfortable with other mediocre people. They are not abusive or dysfunctional, just average. Nothing to love for except for their kids or grandkids. So once MIL looked down on me for being snobby, I withdrew. My kids are adults and have minimal relationship and I’m not mad about it. We gave them so much more and my parents too.

Can't imagine where she might have gotten that idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I also denied my in-laws the joy of having a relationship with my kids. They have nothing else to be proud of in the way of accomplishments. No good jobs, no wealth, no education, no connections. Mediocre people who feel most comfortable with other mediocre people. They are not abusive or dysfunctional, just average. Nothing to love for except for their kids or grandkids. So once MIL looked down on me for being snobby, I withdrew. My kids are adults and have minimal relationship and I’m not mad about it. We gave them so much more and my parents too.

Assuming this isn't a bizarre troll, you actually sound like complete trash.

They are AVERAGE people? Yes, it’s perfectly reasonable to not allow them to know their grandkids for being AVERAGE. You are definitely a great parent and a great person. For sure.

[Anonymous]

Unless there is more that you didn't share that is genuinely emotionally abusive or traumatic, yes I think it is absolutely not in the best interest of your daughter to keep them away and is really holding a grudge on what sounds like pretty small miscommunications. Kids learn how to build healthy relationships from how their parents manage relationships, how they move forward through conflict and get through family difficulties. It's normal to have differences, even conflict within families - the best model for your daughter is showing her how you try to understand the family members perspective, give them grace, also hold boundaries when you need to, but prioritize family relationships as important and worth our time and effort to improve and maintain over time. This will help your daughter have healthy relationships in her future and not be quick to make "cut offs" which can be healthy in abusive situations or situations that seriously lack boundaries, but is much more rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I also denied my in-laws the joy of having a relationship with my kids. They have nothing else to be proud of in the way of accomplishments. No good jobs, no wealth, no education, no connections. Mediocre people who feel most comfortable with other mediocre people. They are not abusive or dysfunctional, just average. Nothing to love for except for their kids or grandkids. So once MIL looked down on me for being snobby, I withdrew. My kids are adults and have minimal relationship and I’m not mad about it. We gave them so much more and my parents too.

Assuming this isn't a bizarre troll, you actually sound like complete trash.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I also denied my in-laws the joy of having a relationship with my kids. They have nothing else to be proud of in the way of accomplishments. No good jobs, no wealth, no education, no connections. Mediocre people who feel most comfortable with other mediocre people. They are not abusive or dysfunctional, just average. Nothing to love for except for their kids or grandkids. So once MIL looked down on me for being snobby, I withdrew. My kids are adults and have minimal relationship and I’m not mad about it. We gave them so much more and my parents too.

You're a garbage person. Even a "mediocre" person can be a loving grandparent.