Is it wrong for me to deny my daughter love from her paternal grandparents?

[Anonymous]

It’s quite cruel and self-centered of you to cut your MIL out like that over what sound like trivialities. She has no relationship with her son because she sent you too many forwards, and then reacted in a misguided way? You don’t have a lot of natural empathy or compassion, do you?

It’s cruel to both your MIL and your child to deny them a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it is wrong of you to deny your daughter from her grandparents. Kids need all the love they can get. You sound remarkably immature OP. I hope you decide to get some help in therapy so you can mature. Even a little will help.

This.

[Anonymous]

Why were they cut out of your life? People don't magically change. Just because they're the grandparents, doesn't automatically mean they are allowed access to your child. Especially, if they do not respect you or treat you kindly. If you and your child have a great relationship with your parents, and they're active grandparents, I wouldn't even entertain the idea of allowing your ILs in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why were they cut out of your life? People don't magically change. Just because they're the grandparents, doesn't automatically mean they are allowed access to your child. Especially, if they do not respect you or treat you kindly. If you and your child have a great relationship with your parents, and they're active grandparents, I wouldn't even entertain the idea of allowing your ILs in.

OP said that it's because the MIL blocked them on WhatsApp after they complained she was forwarding too many things. She doesn't identify anything else that they did, and certainly not anything horrible.

And it sounds like the husband would be okay with his parents having contact, but he's deferring to his wife. It's his kid, too.

[Anonymous]

I can only imagine that dh is waking up and realizing he married a selfish bith of a drama queen. Lets hope he can get full custody because you are going to be a toxic parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I also denied my in-laws the joy of having a relationship with my kids. They have nothing else to be proud of in the way of accomplishments. No good jobs, no wealth, no education, no connections. Mediocre people who feel most comfortable with other mediocre people. They are not abusive or dysfunctional, just average. Nothing to love for except for their kids or grandkids. So once MIL looked down on me for being snobby, I withdrew. My kids are adults and have minimal relationship and I’m not mad about it. We gave them so much more and my parents too.

So why couldn't you get a man from a better family? Why settle for a child of mediocre parents and carry forward their genes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I also denied my in-laws the joy of having a relationship with my kids. They have nothing else to be proud of in the way of accomplishments. No good jobs, no wealth, no education, no connections. Mediocre people who feel most comfortable with other mediocre people. They are not abusive or dysfunctional, just average. Nothing to love for except for their kids or grandkids. So once MIL looked down on me for being snobby, I withdrew. My kids are adults and have minimal relationship and I’m not mad about it. We gave them so much more and my parents too.

So why couldn't you get a man from a better family? Why settle for a child of mediocre parents and carry forward their genes?

The pp you are responding to is likely just trolling, and looking for attention, or she's a narcissist and lacks introspection. As a narc she had to select the perfect supply, a DH who would go along with whatever she wished and ho she could easily separate from his family.

[Anonymous]

It would really matter what they were forwarding.

There is no entitlement to family members. My sister in law joined an extreme religious sect with some horrifying beliefs about women. She’s not going to have a relationship with my daughter— and more to the point her husband and sons are not ever going to be around my daughter. Sometimes being a good parent is more important than being a “good” in law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws have not been the nicest to me. MIL blocked my husband and me out on whatsapp during my ankle fracture because my husband told her to stop sending me forwards. She passed some comments on me after marriage. We cut them out 4 years ago but husband reached out and spoke to them during covid. He did tell them about our daughter when she was 3 months old. They did talk to my daughter. Everytime my husband spoke to his mom she asked about me and if I was doing ok. I haven't spoken to her. My daughter is now 14 months and I feel like I am denying her their love. They have been wanting to see her but my husband has kept it to the minimum since I told him I feel they don't deserve to know her but from my daughter's perspective I feel I am not being fair to her. Any thoughts?

What did I just read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I also denied my in-laws the joy of having a relationship with my kids. They have nothing else to be proud of in the way of accomplishments. No good jobs, no wealth, no education, no connections. Mediocre people who feel most comfortable with other mediocre people. They are not abusive or dysfunctional, just average. Nothing to love for except for their kids or grandkids. So once MIL looked down on me for being snobby, I withdrew. My kids are adults and have minimal relationship and I’m not mad about it. We gave them so much more and my parents too.

So why couldn't you get a man from a better family? Why settle for a child of mediocre parents and carry forward their genes?

My DH is the oldest sibling and made his own way despite being on welfare and living in a trailer when he was young. He put himself through college and grad school and earns in the mid 6 figures. He is humble and generous and smart. His siblings did not fare so well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws have not been the nicest to me. MIL blocked my husband and me out on whatsapp during my ankle fracture because my husband told her to stop sending me forwards. She passed some comments on me after marriage. We cut them out 4 years ago but husband reached out and spoke to them during covid. He did tell them about our daughter when she was 3 months old. They did talk to my daughter. Everytime my husband spoke to his mom she asked about me and if I was doing ok. I haven't spoken to her. My daughter is now 14 months and I feel like I am denying her their love. They have been wanting to see her but my husband has kept it to the minimum since I told him I feel they don't deserve to know her but from my daughter's perspective I feel I am not being fair to her. Any thoughts?

What did I just read?

Incoherent babbling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws have not been the nicest to me. MIL blocked my husband and me out on whatsapp during my ankle fracture because my husband told her to stop sending me forwards. She passed some comments on me after marriage. We cut them out 4 years ago but husband reached out and spoke to them during covid. He did tell them about our daughter when she was 3 months old. They did talk to my daughter. Everytime my husband spoke to his mom she asked about me and if I was doing ok. I haven't spoken to her. My daughter is now 14 months and I feel like I am denying her their love. They have been wanting to see her but my husband has kept it to the minimum since I told him I feel they don't deserve to know her but from my daughter's perspective I feel I am not being fair to her. Any thoughts?

What did I just read?

Incoherent babbling.

sounds like an olive branch, take it.

[Anonymous]

You can have boundaries that work for you with your MIL while also giving your in laws and child a chance for a relationship.

They don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

If your mil is showing earnest interest in your well-being, and is also interested in knowing her grandchild, then it would be a mistake to reject it.

[Anonymous]

Barring the need to protect your child from someone, you should never throw grown-up problems and disagreements on kids. It isn’t their problem, and they have the right to have loving relationships with anyone in their family who will treat them with love and kindness.

I have always limited contact between my own mother and my child, but that’s because my mother is abusive. She has very little interest in seeing or speaking to any of her grandkids, so it isn’t difficult. It literally never comes up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother was extremely abusive to me as a child. Physically and emotionally. I actually did a stint in foster care because the abuse was so extreme. We were estranged for most of my adult life. But even I would not deny my DD access to her grandmother (always supervised). They are actually very close and my mother is doing everything for DD that she could not do for me. And my baby deserves that.

I don’t mean to detail but I have a question about this. If your mother ever abused your daughter— even once— how would you be able to live with yourself putting your child with someone you knew was capable of abuse? I am struggling with this in my own life right now; I think my parent would never dare put a hand on my daughter but if I’m wrong, and my daughter is traumatized, how will I live with myself not protecting her?