Playdate - did we do something wrong?

[Anonymous]

A family just moved in down the street with a daughter the same age (4) as DD.
I met the mom and we traded #s, and I texted her this week to set up a playdate. I suggested meeting at a park near our house but they suggested meeting in their yard. It was hard to land on a time.
We settled on "around 1pm." At 1:10, after DD had changed her pants 100 times, I said, "On our way!" We walked the 60 seconds over to their house. The other girl ignored DD and it was very awkward. Then she went inside after 5 minutes and we were left kind of standing there. The mom did not try to go back in and cajole her out.
She said, oh sorry, she was thrown because you were 10 minutes late and really likes a schedule...We ended up staying talking to the mom for a bit and then left.

Now I feel really weird and bad??!?!? Did we do something wrong? Should I reach out again? In my mind, "around 1" in preschool time is within 15 or so minutes and it's tough to get kids out the door?

[Anonymous]

Now you know.

They’re ridiculous and probably not worth the effort.

I feel bad for your daughter, but no, you didn’t do anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

You did nothing wrong OP. Was it really 10 minutes? Or longer? The girl might be "regimented", but really, the mom should be teaching her to bend a bit.

[Anonymous]

Not a big deal. The other child was probably just super excited and ready starting at 12:30 and got worn out. She’s four-these things happen.

[Anonymous]

I think the other mom handled it poorly, she should have just said at 1 if that’s what she meant rather than “around 1” and she should have brought her kid back outside.

[Anonymous]

I have a kid who might have done this at that age. Mine can be really rigid about time, and might be so worked up by 10 minutes past the time she thought her friend would be there that she wouldn't be able to recover and have fun. You didn't do anything wrong. I would try again, particularly since you live so close to each other. Maybe invite them to come to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did nothing wrong OP. Was it really 10 minutes? Or longer? The girl might be "regimented", but really, the mom should be teaching her to bend a bit.

It's likely that the mom is aware and working on it, but it can be a long process. I just had a friend with a four year old visiting in our yard yesterday. It was planned get together, but he got so upset about something that he couldn't or wouldn't tell us about that they ended up needing to leave. It's just 4 year olds being themselves.

[Anonymous]

My girl was like their daughter. Difference is I would not have provided my daughter a time by that age as she was/is obsessed with the clock. Trying to haul the kid back out would have backfired so there was no point. If you are up to it, you can try again in a few weeks. Keep in mind it may be a few years before the girl becomes more flexible.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the mom is sort of weird. My kid is 4 and would have no concept of what time it is. She would just know a friend was coming over to play.

[Anonymous]

I knew from the moment I read in your post that you agreed to meet “around 1pm” that this wasn’t going to go well. That’s a bizarre way to plan a play date, I think. My daughter would have also had trouble waiting 10 minutes for a friend to come over. That’s an eternity for 4 year olds. I think that was poor planning on the part of the moms.

Also it sounds like you’re blaming the other mom for not making her child come back outside, but you didn’t make your child stop changing clothes before she had gone through 100 outfits because “it’s hard to get out the door with preschoolers”?

It sounds like your family and the neighbor family might be incompatible. But I don’t think the neighbor did anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid who might have done this at that age. Mine can be really rigid about time, and might be so worked up by 10 minutes past the time she thought her friend would be there that she wouldn't be able to recover and have fun. You didn't do anything wrong. I would try again, particularly since you live so close to each other. Maybe invite them to come to you.

yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew from the moment I read in your post that you agreed to meet “around 1pm” that this wasn’t going to go well. That’s a bizarre way to plan a play date, I think. My daughter would have also had trouble waiting 10 minutes for a friend to come over. That’s an eternity for 4 year olds. I think that was poor planning on the part of the moms.

Also it sounds like you’re blaming the other mom for not making her child come back outside, but you didn’t make your child stop changing clothes before she had gone through 100 outfits because “it’s hard to get out the door with preschoolers”?

It sounds like your family and the neighbor family might be incompatible. But I don’t think the neighbor did anything wrong.

Your 4 year old tracks what time it is, to the point where she would know the kid was 10 minutes late?

[Anonymous]

This isn’t a big deal, I don’t know why you would make it one. Kids are weird! That kid got disappointed and went inside. Your kid changed pants 100x and made you late. Roll with it and try again later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the other mom handled it poorly, she should have just said at 1 if that’s what she meant rather than “around 1” and she should have brought her kid back outside.

We don’t know which one of the moms suggested “around 1.” I also suspect something got lost over text and with all of the back and forth. I could see myself saying, “maybe 1?” I don’t mean come at 1:10. I mean suggest 12 or 2 or 1:30 if 1 isn’t good for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew from the moment I read in your post that you agreed to meet “around 1pm” that this wasn’t going to go well. That’s a bizarre way to plan a play date, I think. My daughter would have also had trouble waiting 10 minutes for a friend to come over. That’s an eternity for 4 year olds. I think that was poor planning on the part of the moms.

Also it sounds like you’re blaming the other mom for not making her child come back outside, but you didn’t make your child stop changing clothes before she had gone through 100 outfits because “it’s hard to get out the door with preschoolers”?

It sounds like your family and the neighbor family might be incompatible. But I don’t think the neighbor did anything wrong.

They live next door so it seems pretty fluid, not like either parent was driving 20 minutes to meet up someplace?