Playdate - did we do something wrong?

[Anonymous]

You did nothing wrong, except I might have texted to let her know we were running 10 minutes late. If it were me, I would try one more time with this family, then let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew from the moment I read in your post that you agreed to meet “around 1pm” that this wasn’t going to go well. That’s a bizarre way to plan a play date, I think. My daughter would have also had trouble waiting 10 minutes for a friend to come over. That’s an eternity for 4 year olds. I think that was poor planning on the part of the moms.

Also it sounds like you’re blaming the other mom for not making her child come back outside, but you didn’t make your child stop changing clothes before she had gone through 100 outfits because “it’s hard to get out the door with preschoolers”?

It sounds like your family and the neighbor family might be incompatible. But I don’t think the neighbor did anything wrong.

Your 4 year old tracks what time it is, to the point where she would know the kid was 10 minutes late?

Oh come on, the mom made sure kid was outside at 1pm by pumping her up for the play date “we need to put on shoes and get your ball because new friend is coming over!” Kid got excited and then disappointed by the wait and maybe hurt feelings a bit. Normal! No big deal! The moms chatted, they’ll try again later. You guys can’t put this much pressure on a play date especially when it’s right down the street! No harm done.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who is so anxious about time, being on time, that she always arrives early (rude when you are going to someone’s house) and if I’m going to her house she used to text me at the 2 min late mark (are you still coming?), drives me crazy. She’s got a kid like this and for the life of me I don’t understand why she doesn’t tell her kid that “x” will happen between a time and b time because of course it is fine to be within 10-15 min late with a casual thing like this. Why set a kid up for disappointment? I wouldn’t even have told my kid it was happening until just before at that age, as they can get upset if it is cancelled due to illness or whatever.

Anyway, OP, I wouldn’t think anything of it. Maybe kid was tired or weird that day. You did nothing wrong. Try again once or twice before deciding they are incompatible with you. And if they are, that’s ok; it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew from the moment I read in your post that you agreed to meet “around 1pm” that this wasn’t going to go well. That’s a bizarre way to plan a play date, I think. My daughter would have also had trouble waiting 10 minutes for a friend to come over. That’s an eternity for 4 year olds. I think that was poor planning on the part of the moms.

Also it sounds like you’re blaming the other mom for not making her child come back outside, but you didn’t make your child stop changing clothes before she had gone through 100 outfits because “it’s hard to get out the door with preschoolers”?

It sounds like your family and the neighbor family might be incompatible. But I don’t think the neighbor did anything wrong.

Your 4 year old tracks what time it is, to the point where she would know the kid was 10 minutes late?

She would know if we went outside and had been waiting for 10 minutes. Or if I said, “your friend Kate is coming right after lunch, so go ahead and finish eating and then she will be here.” And then she wasn’t here and my daughter was looking out the window waiting for a long time. This was a miscommunication between the moms that effected one of the kids.

[Anonymous]

* affected

[Anonymous]

The whole interaction just sounds so weird, from both sides, from start to finish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew from the moment I read in your post that you agreed to meet “around 1pm” that this wasn’t going to go well. That’s a bizarre way to plan a play date, I think. My daughter would have also had trouble waiting 10 minutes for a friend to come over. That’s an eternity for 4 year olds. I think that was poor planning on the part of the moms.

Also it sounds like you’re blaming the other mom for not making her child come back outside, but you didn’t make your child stop changing clothes before she had gone through 100 outfits because “it’s hard to get out the door with preschoolers”?

It sounds like your family and the neighbor family might be incompatible. But I don’t think the neighbor did anything wrong.

They live next door so it seems pretty fluid, not like either parent was driving 20 minutes to meet up someplace?

Irrelevant to people who plan their day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew from the moment I read in your post that you agreed to meet “around 1pm” that this wasn’t going to go well. That’s a bizarre way to plan a play date, I think. My daughter would have also had trouble waiting 10 minutes for a friend to come over. That’s an eternity for 4 year olds. I think that was poor planning on the part of the moms.

Also it sounds like you’re blaming the other mom for not making her child come back outside, but you didn’t make your child stop changing clothes before she had gone through 100 outfits because “it’s hard to get out the door with preschoolers”?

It sounds like your family and the neighbor family might be incompatible. But I don’t think the neighbor did anything wrong.

Your 4 year old tracks what time it is, to the point where she would know the kid was 10 minutes late?

Oh come on, the mom made sure kid was outside at 1pm by pumping her up for the play date “we need to put on shoes and get your ball because new friend is coming over!” Kid got excited and then disappointed by the wait and maybe hurt feelings a bit. Normal! No big deal! The moms chatted, they’ll try again later. You guys can’t put this much pressure on a play date especially when it’s right down the street! No harm done.

But if it was “around 1” why not wait for a knock on the door to go outside? Or arrange for OP to text when she is on her way and go out then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew from the moment I read in your post that you agreed to meet “around 1pm” that this wasn’t going to go well. That’s a bizarre way to plan a play date, I think. My daughter would have also had trouble waiting 10 minutes for a friend to come over. That’s an eternity for 4 year olds. I think that was poor planning on the part of the moms.

Also it sounds like you’re blaming the other mom for not making her child come back outside, but you didn’t make your child stop changing clothes before she had gone through 100 outfits because “it’s hard to get out the door with preschoolers”?

It sounds like your family and the neighbor family might be incompatible. But I don’t think the neighbor did anything wrong.

Your 4 year old tracks what time it is, to the point where she would know the kid was 10 minutes late?

Oh come on, the mom made sure kid was outside at 1pm by pumping her up for the play date “we need to put on shoes and get your ball because new friend is coming over!” Kid got excited and then disappointed by the wait and maybe hurt feelings a bit. Normal! No big deal! The moms chatted, they’ll try again later. You guys can’t put this much pressure on a play date especially when it’s right down the street! No harm done.

Agree with this. I can’t do “about” with my kid because it takes a long time to get her in gear. So I would have started at 12:30 getting her outside for our 1pm play date. And then we’re waiting. And once my kid is grouchy, it’s not in anyone’s interest for me to follow her inside and drag her back out.

But I also wouldn’t have agreed to meet you “around 1” if I understood that you meant you’d come whenever.

[Anonymous]

We have friends that ALWAYS MAKE US WAIT. in 8 years they have never been on time. Even for zoom calls. It is incredibly rude and we just say after waiting....never mind. We have something right after and can't wait. So don't be those people.

Open to suggestions on how to deal. My DD loves their DD & it isn't fair to the kids.

It feels like a power play by the mom

[Anonymous]

I personally would never be late the very first time I was getting together with someone. I think fluid friendships are built over time, when everyone has proven to be respectful of time and reliable.

I wouldn't hold 10 minutes against anyone, but 20 minutes the first time we were meeting up with no text? I would be kind and honor the play date, but wouldn't make plans with you again. Too many rude, flaky people in this world who think their time is more valuable than mine. I spend my time with considerate, reliable people.

[Anonymous]

I do not think 10 minutes is any big deal. All mom's should understand that. I could see a 4 year old not being in to a playdate at any given time but the mom should have tried harder and been apologetic. I am squarely on Team OP. I would let them initiate the next thing and if they don't the kids will eventually meet in school and be friends or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A family just moved in down the street with a daughter the same age (4) as DD.
I met the mom and we traded #s, and I texted her this week to set up a playdate. I suggested meeting at a park near our house but they suggested meeting in their yard. It was hard to land on a time.
We settled on "around 1pm." At 1:10, after DD had changed her pants 100 times, I said, "On our way!" We walked the 60 seconds over to their house. The other girl ignored DD and it was very awkward. Then she went inside after 5 minutes and we were left kind of standing there. The mom did not try to go back in and cajole her out.
She said, oh sorry, she was thrown because you were 10 minutes late and really likes a schedule...We ended up staying talking to the mom for a bit and then left.

Now I feel really weird and bad??!?!? Did we do something wrong? Should I reach out again? In my mind, "around 1" in preschool time is within 15 or so minutes and it's tough to get kids out the door?

Why did you let your kid "change her pants 100 times"? My kid knows that we respect others' time and keep our plans. After one pant change, we'd be out the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew from the moment I read in your post that you agreed to meet “around 1pm” that this wasn’t going to go well. That’s a bizarre way to plan a play date, I think. My daughter would have also had trouble waiting 10 minutes for a friend to come over. That’s an eternity for 4 year olds. I think that was poor planning on the part of the moms.

Also it sounds like you’re blaming the other mom for not making her child come back outside, but you didn’t make your child stop changing clothes before she had gone through 100 outfits because “it’s hard to get out the door with preschoolers”?

It sounds like your family and the neighbor family might be incompatible. But I don’t think the neighbor did anything wrong.

Your 4 year old tracks what time it is, to the point where she would know the kid was 10 minutes late?

Oh come on, the mom made sure kid was outside at 1pm by pumping her up for the play date “we need to put on shoes and get your ball because new friend is coming over!” Kid got excited and then disappointed by the wait and maybe hurt feelings a bit. Normal! No big deal! The moms chatted, they’ll try again later. You guys can’t put this much pressure on a play date especially when it’s right down the street! No harm done.

But if it was “around 1” why not wait for a knock on the door to go outside? Or arrange for OP to text when she is on her way and go out then?

Look, the moms clearly miscommunicated. One mom thought they were meeting at 1pm. The OP thought they were meeting somewhere around 1pm. Some people like things definite and some people like things flexible. That’s ok. But often those two types of people aren’t super compatible!

I obviously don’t know the neighbor’s kid, but I can say for my own kid that we can’t do a play date that starts with a knock on the door. She doesn’t transition easily. She needs lots of warning. And then lots of time to get ready. She’s not neurotypical, and the neighbor’s child might not be either for all we know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have friends that ALWAYS MAKE US WAIT. in 8 years they have never been on time. Even for zoom calls. It is incredibly rude and we just say after waiting....never mind. We have something right after and can't wait. So don't be those people.

Open to suggestions on how to deal. My DD loves their DD & it isn't fair to the kids.

It feels like a power play by the mom

They are making you wait because their kid has to change pants 100 times. (I’m just kidding.)