How to stay interesting?

[Anonymous]

Anyone have tips on how to stay an interesting person to know, rather than slipping into becoming a mom who only talks about the kid(s)?

I have 1 daughter, toddler age. Sometimes it's hard for me to find stuff to talk about with people that isn't kid-related. I think it's mostly covid - travel and overseas living was a huge part of my life and identity before and i often talked about that. I also had a bigger group of friends before and had larger gatherings, which make it easier to let others lead the conversation.

Once I'm sucked into parenting conversations with other parents about kid minutiae, it feels rude to change the subject. There's always work, but I work in a field people don't find intriguing and I don't want to fall into the workaholic DC stereotype. I am a younger mom (late 20s) and most of my same age friends don't have kids. So I'm very eager to keep an identity separate from motherhood. I have many hobbies, but I don't want to bore people with those, either.

I guess I'm sensitive to this because I'd like to fancy myself a modern, dynamic woman who's still sexy and interesting, and my own mom was very absorbed in motherhood in a way that turned me off the idea at first.

Tips?

[Anonymous]

It depends on what you like. My sis doesn't have kids but we watched Wandavision every week and talked about it or we send each other news articles (she also gets kid pictures). Or Great British Bakeoff, whatever floats your boat. My friends and I all read the Hugo nominees and chatted about which ones we liked and why. My best friend was struggling with infertility and her therapist suggested we avoid baby talk, so.we played board games online together and shared books.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have tips on how to stay an interesting person to know, rather than slipping into becoming a mom who only talks about the kid(s)?

I have 1 daughter, toddler age. Sometimes it's hard for me to find stuff to talk about with people that isn't kid-related. I think it's mostly covid - travel and overseas living was a huge part of my life and identity before and i often talked about that. I also had a bigger group of friends before and had larger gatherings, which make it easier to let others lead the conversation.

Once I'm sucked into parenting conversations with other parents about kid minutiae, it feels rude to change the subject. There's always work, but I work in a field people don't find intriguing and I don't want to fall into the workaholic DC stereotype. I am a younger mom (late 20s) and most of my same age friends don't have kids. So I'm very eager to keep an identity separate from motherhood. I have many hobbies, but I don't want to bore people with those, either.

I guess I'm sensitive to this because I'd like to fancy myself a modern, dynamic woman who's still sexy and interesting, and my own mom was very absorbed in motherhood in a way that turned me off the idea at first.

Tips?

My tip would be to work on your issues around this. Kierkegaard used to say that he would much rather talk with an old woman retelling family gossip at a party than anyone who considered themselves to be remarkably interesting, and I think there's something to that.

Many women in this day and age struggle with the shift of identity that comes with motherhood, regardless of whether they work or stay at home. But you don't have to be having great adventures out in the world to be interesting. Interesting is about how interested you are in others and in life.

Signed, mom who used to travel all over in remote areas and doesn't feel less interesting now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have tips on how to stay an interesting person to know, rather than slipping into becoming a mom who only talks about the kid(s)?

I have 1 daughter, toddler age. Sometimes it's hard for me to find stuff to talk about with people that isn't kid-related. I think it's mostly covid - travel and overseas living was a huge part of my life and identity before and i often talked about that. I also had a bigger group of friends before and had larger gatherings, which make it easier to let others lead the conversation.

Once I'm sucked into parenting conversations with other parents about kid minutiae, it feels rude to change the subject. There's always work, but I work in a field people don't find intriguing and I don't want to fall into the workaholic DC stereotype. I am a younger mom (late 20s) and most of my same age friends don't have kids. So I'm very eager to keep an identity separate from motherhood. I have many hobbies, but I don't want to bore people with those, either.

I guess I'm sensitive to this because I'd like to fancy myself a modern, dynamic woman who's still sexy and interesting, and my own mom was very absorbed in motherhood in a way that turned me off the idea at first.

Tips?

My mom sees herself as a modern dynamic woman who never had to let becoming a mother define her and subsequently had very littler interest in being a mom. I am now a SAHM whose primary focus is my kids happiness and don't really care if that defines me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have tips on how to stay an interesting person to know, rather than slipping into becoming a mom who only talks about the kid(s)?

I have 1 daughter, toddler age. Sometimes it's hard for me to find stuff to talk about with people that isn't kid-related. I think it's mostly covid - travel and overseas living was a huge part of my life and identity before and i often talked about that. I also had a bigger group of friends before and had larger gatherings, which make it easier to let others lead the conversation.

Once I'm sucked into parenting conversations with other parents about kid minutiae, it feels rude to change the subject. There's always work, but I work in a field people don't find intriguing and I don't want to fall into the workaholic DC stereotype. I am a younger mom (late 20s) and most of my same age friends don't have kids. So I'm very eager to keep an identity separate from motherhood. I have many hobbies, but I don't want to bore people with those, either.

I guess I'm sensitive to this because I'd like to fancy myself a modern, dynamic woman who's still sexy and interesting, and my own mom was very absorbed in motherhood in a way that turned me off the idea at first.

Tips?

My tip would be to work on your issues around this. Kierkegaard used to say that he would much rather talk with an old woman retelling family gossip at a party than anyone who considered themselves to be remarkably interesting, and I think there's something to that.

Many women in this day and age struggle with the shift of identity that comes with motherhood, regardless of whether they work or stay at home. But you don't have to be having great adventures out in the world to be interesting. Interesting is about how interested you are in others and in life.

Signed, mom who used to travel all over in remote areas and doesn't feel less interesting now

I agree with this, but hadn't heard this line before! I find people interesting who are enthusiastic about something, who are curious about the world and the people around them, and who isn't uptight or always thinking about the impression they are making.

Ultimately, the way that you avoid talking about kid-related stuff all the time is to...not talk about kid-related stuff all the time. That's a common place to start if you are in a kid-related environment, or where that's the first thing that you know you have in common with someone, but that doesn't mean that you have to keep talking about that. You can make connections to related topics. You can ask people questions about themselves to find out if they have a hobby or something in common, or that you'd like to know more about. You can ask if they've seen any good movies or TV shows, or read any good books, or cooked something new, or whatever. What are your hobbies? Why don't you think they can provide common ground for conversation with others? If you just talk *about* them, that would be kind of boring, but that's just a matter of having a conversation v. monologuing.

[Anonymous]

Read. Stay involved politically/community. Watch movies and shows highly rated.

Change the subject when people start asking or talking about kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have tips on how to stay an interesting person to know, rather than slipping into becoming a mom who only talks about the kid(s)?

I have 1 daughter, toddler age. Sometimes it's hard for me to find stuff to talk about with people that isn't kid-related. I think it's mostly covid - travel and overseas living was a huge part of my life and identity before and i often talked about that. I also had a bigger group of friends before and had larger gatherings, which make it easier to let others lead the conversation.

Once I'm sucked into parenting conversations with other parents about kid minutiae, it feels rude to change the subject. There's always work, but I work in a field people don't find intriguing and I don't want to fall into the workaholic DC stereotype. I am a younger mom (late 20s) and most of my same age friends don't have kids. So I'm very eager to keep an identity separate from motherhood. I have many hobbies, but I don't want to bore people with those, either.

I guess I'm sensitive to this because I'd like to fancy myself a modern, dynamic woman who's still sexy and interesting, and my own mom was very absorbed in motherhood in a way that turned me off the idea at first.

Tips?

My tip would be to work on your issues around this. Kierkegaard used to say that he would much rather talk with an old woman retelling family gossip at a party than anyone who considered themselves to be remarkably interesting, and I think there's something to that.

Many women in this day and age struggle with the shift of identity that comes with motherhood, regardless of whether they work or stay at home. But you don't have to be having great adventures out in the world to be interesting. Interesting is about how interested you are in others and in life.

Signed, mom who used to travel all over in remote areas and doesn't feel less interesting now

OP here, valid point and interesting perspective!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone have tips on how to stay an interesting person to know, rather than slipping into becoming a mom who only talks about the kid(s)?

I have 1 daughter, toddler age. Sometimes it's hard for me to find stuff to talk about with people that isn't kid-related. I think it's mostly covid - travel and overseas living was a huge part of my life and identity before and i often talked about that. I also had a bigger group of friends before and had larger gatherings, which make it easier to let others lead the conversation.

Once I'm sucked into parenting conversations with other parents about kid minutiae, it feels rude to change the subject. There's always work, but I work in a field people don't find intriguing and I don't want to fall into the workaholic DC stereotype. I am a younger mom (late 20s) and most of my same age friends don't have kids. So I'm very eager to keep an identity separate from motherhood. I have many hobbies, but I don't want to bore people with those, either.

I guess I'm sensitive to this because I'd like to fancy myself a modern, dynamic woman who's still sexy and interesting, and my own mom was very absorbed in motherhood in a way that turned me off the idea at first.

Tips?

My mom sees herself as a modern dynamic woman who never had to let becoming a mother define her and subsequently had very littler interest in being a mom. I am now a SAHM whose primary focus is my kids happiness and don't really care if that defines me.

That's fine if it's your thing! It's just not mine.

[Anonymous]

You can make connections to related topics. You can ask people questions about themselves to find out if they have a hobby or something in common, or that you'd like to know more about. You can ask if they've seen any good movies or TV shows, or read any good books, or cooked something new, or whatever. What are your hobbies? Why don't you think they can provide common ground for conversation with others? If you just talk *about* them, that would be kind of boring, but that's just a matter of having a conversation v. monologuing.


That's fair. My hobbies include running, riding my bike and hiking. I guess common enough i could engage in discussion on them with others who also are interested. I also enjoy cooking, although lately it hasn't been much fun. And I read - whoever suggested reading was on the right track.


I watch plenty of shows so that's also fair game!

[Anonymous]

According to your post, your job, hobbies, and children are all boring. I think you should just embrace it and not worry about trying to be entertaining. Go ahead and talk about your real life, people might appreciate your honesty. If you make a big effort to be entertaining, it can come across as fake.

[Anonymous]

Honestly the twenty-something who always talks about traveling and how she's lived abroad isn't particularly interesting either, so don't worry you've lost too much ground.

[Anonymous]

If you want to be interesting, be interested.

This whole post sounds like you're worried about providing charming stories about yourself at your next soiree, not actually having a conversation with someone. Don't ask about their hobbies just as a bridge to your own. Don't take up weird hobbies so you have something about yourself to mention. Don't be the female equivalent of the guy who grows a Snidely Whiplash moustache so people will ask him about it. Just talk to people. Make connections. News, pop culture, sports, neighborhood goings-on, their most recent travel - there's always plenty to talk about. The topic of conversation doesn't have to be you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:According to your post, your job, hobbies, and children are all boring. I think you should just embrace it and not worry about trying to be entertaining. Go ahead and talk about your real life, people might appreciate your honesty. If you make a big effort to be entertaining, it can come across as fake.

I don't think they're boring. But I'm self-aware enough to know that certain topics may only be interesting to me or a small subset of specialized people. Likewise with kid stuff - it's a stereotype that no one wants to look at other people's baby photos at work, etc. But regarding talking about my real life, ok, fair enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you want to be interesting, be interested.

This whole post sounds like you're worried about providing charming stories about yourself at your next soiree, not actually having a conversation with someone. Don't ask about their hobbies just as a bridge to your own. Don't take up weird hobbies so you have something about yourself to mention. Don't be the female equivalent of the guy who grows a Snidely Whiplash moustache so people will ask him about it. Just talk to people. Make connections. News, pop culture, sports, neighborhood goings-on, their most recent travel - there's always plenty to talk about. The topic of conversation doesn't have to be you.

That's...not what I was trying to convey at all. I'm not trying to be contrived or self-centered. I do ask interested questions of other people and seek to make connections, but perhaps I could do more of that. This thread got out of hand real fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly the twenty-something who always talks about traveling and how she's lived abroad isn't particularly interesting either, so don't worry you've lost too much ground.

I'm aware of that. I used to discuss traveling and living abroad with people in the same frequent-traveling community, not in a douchey "look at my photos of my life-changing Cambodia trip" way