BIL screams and shouts obscenities while playing video games, while we are staying there with 2yo DD

[Anonymous]

He is in his 20s and lives at home with MIL and FIL. It was disturbing to me that the only thing anyone said to him was to close his door. It was still very clearly audible. Am I being too sensitive? It was scary for me.

[Anonymous]

You are a guest in MIL's and FIL's house. You can appeal to them about the behavior and see if they will talk to their son. While it would be courteous for him to curb his behavior, you really have no say and you shouldn't confront him or ask him to change. Your spouse (BIL's sibling) could talk to their brother, but really either of you should talk to the home owners.

Otherwise, when he is playing, you should try to find the furthest place in the house from him for you and your child.

[Anonymous]

How long is the visit ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long is the visit ?

1 week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a guest in MIL's and FIL's house. You can appeal to them about the behavior and see if they will talk to their son. While it would be courteous for him to curb his behavior, you really have no say and you shouldn't confront him or ask him to change. Your spouse (BIL's sibling) could talk to their brother, but really either of you should talk to the home owners.

Otherwise, when he is playing, you should try to find the furthest place in the house from him for you and your child.

Obviously, I know this, but thanks for the lecture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is the visit ?

1 week

Ask your husband to talk to his brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is in his 20s and lives at home with MIL and FIL. It was disturbing to me that the only thing anyone said to him was to close his door. It was still very clearly audible. Am I being too sensitive? It was scary for me.

Yeah, he's being a self-centered jerk, but the bolded is a little over the top. Get a grip and just stay in a hotel if you don't like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is in his 20s and lives at home with MIL and FIL. It was disturbing to me that the only thing anyone said to him was to close his door. It was still very clearly audible. Am I being too sensitive? It was scary for me.

Yeah, he's being a self-centered jerk, but the bolded is a little over the top. Get a grip and just stay in a hotel if you don't like it.

Okay, thanks for your take on this. I would be thrilled to stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you, your DD, and your DH have to deal with that. BIL's behavior is immature and trashy. I would be pissed as hell, but there isn't much you can you do. I hope the week goes by quickly. Is the weather good where you are and can you try and do outdoor activities to get away?

How often is he playing video games? Is it hours on end? What a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a guest in MIL's and FIL's house. You can appeal to them about the behavior and see if they will talk to their son. While it would be courteous for him to curb his behavior, you really have no say and you shouldn't confront him or ask him to change. Your spouse (BIL's sibling) could talk to their brother, but really either of you should talk to the home owners.

Otherwise, when he is playing, you should try to find the furthest place in the house from him for you and your child.

Obviously, I know this, but thanks for the lecture.

Wtf. DP here. You asked for advice. Why the snark?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you, your DD, and your DH have to deal with that. BIL's behavior is immature and trashy. I would be pissed as hell, but there isn't much you can you do. I hope the week goes by quickly. Is the weather good where you are and can you try and do outdoor activities to get away?

How often is he playing video games? Is it hours on end? What a loser.

Is this comment really necessary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you, your DD, and your DH have to deal with that. BIL's behavior is immature and trashy. I would be pissed as hell, but there isn't much you can you do. I hope the week goes by quickly. Is the weather good where you are and can you try and do outdoor activities to get away?

How often is he playing video games? Is it hours on end? What a loser.

Oh come on. If BIL was on the basketball court hollering and trash talking you wouldn't call him a loser, would you? Video gamers engage in the exact same behavior, and like to do it at the same volume. I know this because I have a 14 year old who plays pick up basketball and video games, and he treats them both the same. Since video games are INSIDE I do remind him that he is sharing his space with the rest of us and to turn it down. He always does, but he does go back to full volume when he gets really excited. I don't like it, I wish boys and men didn't engage in trash talk, but they do. None of that helps OP at all, but it might help to begin with the premise that this young man is not doing anything inherently wrong. He is in his own home and doing what clearly his parents allow him to do in his own home. It is analogous to families where someone leaves the TV on all the time - it is really annoying to people who don't do that, and can seem really rude. But some families like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you, your DD, and your DH have to deal with that. BIL's behavior is immature and trashy. I would be pissed as hell, but there isn't much you can you do. I hope the week goes by quickly. Is the weather good where you are and can you try and do outdoor activities to get away?

How often is he playing video games? Is it hours on end? What a loser.

Oh come on. If BIL was on the basketball court hollering and trash talking you wouldn't call him a loser, would you? Video gamers engage in the exact same behavior, and like to do it at the same volume. I know this because I have a 14 year old who plays pick up basketball and video games, and he treats them both the same. Since video games are INSIDE I do remind him that he is sharing his space with the rest of us and to turn it down. He always does, but he does go back to full volume when he gets really excited. I don't like it, I wish boys and men didn't engage in trash talk, but they do. None of that helps OP at all, but it might help to begin with the premise that this young man is not doing anything inherently wrong. He is in his own home and doing what clearly his parents allow him to do in his own home. It is analogous to families where someone leaves the TV on all the time - it is really annoying to people who don't do that, and can seem really rude. But some families like it.

OP here, thanks for this. Yes, it is very jarring for me, and not something I grew up with. He has a job so he's not playing video games all day long. It's clearly something he does to let off steam. His work is very busy right now. I said it was scary for me not just because of the obscene language but because he sounds out of control when he screams, like he might hit something or throw something. It is actually helpful to know this is common behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you, your DD, and your DH have to deal with that. BIL's behavior is immature and trashy. I would be pissed as hell, but there isn't much you can you do. I hope the week goes by quickly. Is the weather good where you are and can you try and do outdoor activities to get away?

How often is he playing video games? Is it hours on end? What a loser.

Oh come on. If BIL was on the basketball court hollering and trash talking you wouldn't call him a loser, would you? Video gamers engage in the exact same behavior, and like to do it at the same volume. I know this because I have a 14 year old who plays pick up basketball and video games, and he treats them both the same. Since video games are INSIDE I do remind him that he is sharing his space with the rest of us and to turn it down. He always does, but he does go back to full volume when he gets really excited. I don't like it, I wish boys and men didn't engage in trash talk, but they do. None of that helps OP at all, but it might help to begin with the premise that this young man is not doing anything inherently wrong. He is in his own home and doing what clearly his parents allow him to do in his own home. It is analogous to families where someone leaves the TV on all the time - it is really annoying to people who don't do that, and can seem really rude. But some families like it.

It’s completely different to do it when it’s audible to a toddler, though! I also don’t ha e a problem with teens trash/talking while they play but if my 14 year old did that so his young cousin could here that would be entirely different. And op’s bil is 7 years older!

Someone (op’s husband or in-laws) should say to him clearly “Larla can here you and it’s scaring her so please keep it down” if that’s the case. I do think there’s a little bit of sexism in how readily people excuse a grown man’s behavior. Can you imagine excusing a twenty something woman who was shouting and cursing at a movie so a toddler could hear? It would be completely bizarre!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you, your DD, and your DH have to deal with that. BIL's behavior is immature and trashy. I would be pissed as hell, but there isn't much you can you do. I hope the week goes by quickly. Is the weather good where you are and can you try and do outdoor activities to get away?

How often is he playing video games? Is it hours on end? What a loser.

Oh come on. If BIL was on the basketball court hollering and trash talking you wouldn't call him a loser, would you? Video gamers engage in the exact same behavior, and like to do it at the same volume. I know this because I have a 14 year old who plays pick up basketball and video games, and he treats them both the same. Since video games are INSIDE I do remind him that he is sharing his space with the rest of us and to turn it down. He always does, but he does go back to full volume when he gets really excited. I don't like it, I wish boys and men didn't engage in trash talk, but they do. None of that helps OP at all, but it might help to begin with the premise that this young man is not doing anything inherently wrong. He is in his own home and doing what clearly his parents allow him to do in his own home. It is analogous to families where someone leaves the TV on all the time - it is really annoying to people who don't do that, and can seem really rude. But some families like it.

OP here, thanks for this. Yes, it is very jarring for me, and not something I grew up with. He has a job so he's not playing video games all day long. It's clearly something he does to let off steam. His work is very busy right now. I said it was scary for me not just because of the obscene language but because he sounds out of control when he screams, like he might hit something or throw something. It is actually helpful to know this is common behavior.

This is not common behavior. He is a LOSER who still lives in mommy’s and daddy’s home.
You still can’t dictate someone’s behavior in their home. That is for the host to do. (Mom & dad)
And yes..you should stay in a hotel next time. No one is obligated to provide you lodging when you visit.