BIL screams and shouts obscenities while playing video games, while we are staying there with 2yo DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a drama queen.

Please, elaborate.

NP here. He was alone in his own room yelling at a video screen. She was in another part of the house, and it had nothing to do with her. Claiming that she was scared that he might throw something alone in his own room is ridiculous and melodramatic.

Okay, thanks for your perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you, your DD, and your DH have to deal with that. BIL's behavior is immature and trashy. I would be pissed as hell, but there isn't much you can you do. I hope the week goes by quickly. Is the weather good where you are and can you try and do outdoor activities to get away?

How often is he playing video games? Is it hours on end? What a loser.

Oh come on. If BIL was on the basketball court hollering and trash talking you wouldn't call him a loser, would you? Video gamers engage in the exact same behavior, and like to do it at the same volume. I know this because I have a 14 year old who plays pick up basketball and video games, and he treats them both the same. Since video games are INSIDE I do remind him that he is sharing his space with the rest of us and to turn it down. He always does, but he does go back to full volume when he gets really excited. I don't like it, I wish boys and men didn't engage in trash talk, but they do. None of that helps OP at all, but it might help to begin with the premise that this young man is not doing anything inherently wrong. He is in his own home and doing what clearly his parents allow him to do in his own home. It is analogous to families where someone leaves the TV on all the time - it is really annoying to people who don't do that, and can seem really rude. But some families like it.

OP here, thanks for this. Yes, it is very jarring for me, and not something I grew up with. He has a job so he's not playing video games all day long. It's clearly something he does to let off steam. His work is very busy right now. I said it was scary for me not just because of the obscene language but because he sounds out of control when he screams, like he might hit something or throw something. It is actually helpful to know this is common behavior.

Are you always this dramatic and sensitive? Or just in this instance?

If you believe that being uncomfortable with being in the house with a man who screams obscenities makes me "dramatic" and "sensitive" then yes. Do you always spend your days writing insults to strangers online?

Then go outside if you're so uncomfortable. Personally, I would have just rolled my eyes and laughed at him. How do you function in life if you are this hypersensitive?

Thanks for your concern. I'm not usually around men who scream and yell obscenities, so it doesn't come up very often. And thanks for your suggestion to go outside, that is super helpful.

[Anonymous]

Look, I don't really like my in-laws either, but you're just trying to stir up trouble and play the victim. Your husband probably forced you to stay with them and you resent it. So at least own your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, I don't really like my in-laws either, but you're just trying to stir up trouble and play the victim. Your husband probably forced you to stay with them and you resent it. So at least own your feelings.

Wow, no. Is that what your spouse does to you?

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me like OP was raised in abusive household - survivors are often jumpy since they know how fast things can escalate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, I don't really like my in-laws either, but you're just trying to stir up trouble and play the victim. Your husband probably forced you to stay with them and you resent it. So at least own your feelings.

Wow, no. Is that what your spouse does to you?

Nope. And let's remember that I'm not the one having a nervous breakdown because someone yelled while playing a video game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me like OP was raised in abusive household - survivors are often jumpy since they know how fast things can escalate.

OP here. Interesting. It wasn't perfect but it definitely wasn't abusive.

DH gets a little worked up when playing but not to this level. DH was actually taken aback by his brother's behavior as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, I don't really like my in-laws either, but you're just trying to stir up trouble and play the victim. Your husband probably forced you to stay with them and you resent it. So at least own your feelings.

Wow, no. Is that what your spouse does to you?

Nope. And let's remember that I'm not the one having a nervous breakdown because someone yelled while playing a video game.

When someone says "I was scared" you interpret that as "having a nervous breakdown"? Talk about being a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me like OP was raised in abusive household - survivors are often jumpy since they know how fast things can escalate.

OP here. Interesting. It wasn't perfect but it definitely wasn't abusive.

DH gets a little worked up when playing but not to this level. DH was actually taken aback by his brother's behavior as well.

Then he should say something.

[Anonymous]

Go to a hotel if you don't like what is acceptable in your hosts' home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me like OP was raised in abusive household - survivors are often jumpy since they know how fast things can escalate.

OP here. Interesting. It wasn't perfect but it definitely wasn't abusive.

DH gets a little worked up when playing but not to this level. DH was actually taken aback by his brother's behavior as well.

Then he should say something.

Okay, thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to a hotel if you don't like what is acceptable in your hosts' home.

Thanks for this new and original advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to a hotel if you don't like what is acceptable in your hosts' home.

Thanks for this new and original advice

Glad we could help! You've been so thankful for the advice you have received, and so open to the suggestions you literally asked for. You're all set, so off you go! Best of luck! Bye! Enjoy your hotel!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to a hotel if you don't like what is acceptable in your hosts' home.

Thanks for this new and original advice

Glad we could help! You've been so thankful for the advice you have received, and so open to the suggestions you literally asked for. You're all set, so off you go! Best of luck! Bye! Enjoy your hotel!

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, I don't really like my in-laws either, but you're just trying to stir up trouble and play the victim. Your husband probably forced you to stay with them and you resent it. So at least own your feelings.

Wow, no. Is that what your spouse does to you?

Nope. And let's remember that I'm not the one having a nervous breakdown because someone yelled while playing a video game.

When someone says "I was scared" you interpret that as "having a nervous breakdown"? Talk about being a drama queen.

It's called hyperbole, and I suspect you are familiar with the concept.