BIL screams and shouts obscenities while playing video games, while we are staying there with 2yo DD

[Anonymous]

You sound like a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you, your DD, and your DH have to deal with that. BIL's behavior is immature and trashy. I would be pissed as hell, but there isn't much you can you do. I hope the week goes by quickly. Is the weather good where you are and can you try and do outdoor activities to get away?

How often is he playing video games? Is it hours on end? What a loser.

Oh come on. If BIL was on the basketball court hollering and trash talking you wouldn't call him a loser, would you? Video gamers engage in the exact same behavior, and like to do it at the same volume. I know this because I have a 14 year old who plays pick up basketball and video games, and he treats them both the same. Since video games are INSIDE I do remind him that he is sharing his space with the rest of us and to turn it down. He always does, but he does go back to full volume when he gets really excited. I don't like it, I wish boys and men didn't engage in trash talk, but they do. None of that helps OP at all, but it might help to begin with the premise that this young man is not doing anything inherently wrong. He is in his own home and doing what clearly his parents allow him to do in his own home. It is analogous to families where someone leaves the TV on all the time - it is really annoying to people who don't do that, and can seem really rude. But some families like it.

The shouting while playing is common, doing it where a little kid can hear is not, especially for an adult! -mom of teen boys
OP here, thanks for this. Yes, it is very jarring for me, and not something I grew up with. He has a job so he's not playing video games all day long. It's clearly something he does to let off steam. His work is very busy right now. I said it was scary for me not just because of the obscene language but because he sounds out of control when he screams, like he might hit something or throw something. It is actually helpful to know this is common behavior.

[Anonymous]

Why is this in special parenting? Don't stay there if you don't like it.
Grow up and pay for your own accomodations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this in special parenting? Don't stay there if you don't like it.
Grow up and pay for your own accomodations.

It's pretty pathetic that you're so worried about where complete strangers stay when they visit their in-laws. I would happily pay for and stay in a hotel and have the money (yes, my own money that I've earned) to pay for it. In-laws want us to stay with them so they can spend more time with their granddaughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you, your DD, and your DH have to deal with that. BIL's behavior is immature and trashy. I would be pissed as hell, but there isn't much you can you do. I hope the week goes by quickly. Is the weather good where you are and can you try and do outdoor activities to get away?

How often is he playing video games? Is it hours on end? What a loser.

Oh come on. If BIL was on the basketball court hollering and trash talking you wouldn't call him a loser, would you? Video gamers engage in the exact same behavior, and like to do it at the same volume. I know this because I have a 14 year old who plays pick up basketball and video games, and he treats them both the same. Since video games are INSIDE I do remind him that he is sharing his space with the rest of us and to turn it down. He always does, but he does go back to full volume when he gets really excited. I don't like it, I wish boys and men didn't engage in trash talk, but they do. None of that helps OP at all, but it might help to begin with the premise that this young man is not doing anything inherently wrong. He is in his own home and doing what clearly his parents allow him to do in his own home. It is analogous to families where someone leaves the TV on all the time - it is really annoying to people who don't do that, and can seem really rude. But some families like it.

OP here, thanks for this. Yes, it is very jarring for me, and not something I grew up with. He has a job so he's not playing video games all day long. It's clearly something he does to let off steam. His work is very busy right now. I said it was scary for me not just because of the obscene language but because he sounds out of control when he screams, like he might hit something or throw something. It is actually helpful to know this is common behavior.

Are you always this dramatic and sensitive? Or just in this instance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a drama queen.

Please, elaborate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you, your DD, and your DH have to deal with that. BIL's behavior is immature and trashy. I would be pissed as hell, but there isn't much you can you do. I hope the week goes by quickly. Is the weather good where you are and can you try and do outdoor activities to get away?

How often is he playing video games? Is it hours on end? What a loser.

Oh come on. If BIL was on the basketball court hollering and trash talking you wouldn't call him a loser, would you? Video gamers engage in the exact same behavior, and like to do it at the same volume. I know this because I have a 14 year old who plays pick up basketball and video games, and he treats them both the same. Since video games are INSIDE I do remind him that he is sharing his space with the rest of us and to turn it down. He always does, but he does go back to full volume when he gets really excited. I don't like it, I wish boys and men didn't engage in trash talk, but they do. None of that helps OP at all, but it might help to begin with the premise that this young man is not doing anything inherently wrong. He is in his own home and doing what clearly his parents allow him to do in his own home. It is analogous to families where someone leaves the TV on all the time - it is really annoying to people who don't do that, and can seem really rude. But some families like it.

OP here, thanks for this. Yes, it is very jarring for me, and not something I grew up with. He has a job so he's not playing video games all day long. It's clearly something he does to let off steam. His work is very busy right now. I said it was scary for me not just because of the obscene language but because he sounds out of control when he screams, like he might hit something or throw something. It is actually helpful to know this is common behavior.

This is not common behavior. He is a LOSER who still lives in mommy’s and daddy’s home.
You still can’t dictate someone’s behavior in their home. That is for the host to do. (Mom & dad)
And yes..you should stay in a hotel next time. No one is obligated to provide you lodging when you visit.

He's in his 20s, and you don't know his exact age. He has a job. It's a pandemic. You know nothing about him.

It IS pretty common behaviour, and the fact that you seem so invested in name calling someone you don't even know says a lot about what a horrid person you must be. In fact, what a LOSER you likely are.

--NP

[Anonymous]

OP, I have a 10 yo who gets carried away sometimes and screams or says obscenities when he plays certain videogames. I work very hard on teaching him to control it. It is very disconcerting to know some people don’t seem to be growing out of it (his dad has a neighbor who is a grown a** man and still does that too).
That said, it’s not likely to scar your 2 yo if she is not visibly upset/scared and if she is, it’s fine to calm her down.
However it would be very uncomfortable for me. I hate any unnecessary noise, too.
I am sorry you have to put up with it. I hope you feel better knowing it won’t scar your child for life. Hope the week goes by fast!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you, your DD, and your DH have to deal with that. BIL's behavior is immature and trashy. I would be pissed as hell, but there isn't much you can you do. I hope the week goes by quickly. Is the weather good where you are and can you try and do outdoor activities to get away?

How often is he playing video games? Is it hours on end? What a loser.

Oh come on. If BIL was on the basketball court hollering and trash talking you wouldn't call him a loser, would you? Video gamers engage in the exact same behavior, and like to do it at the same volume. I know this because I have a 14 year old who plays pick up basketball and video games, and he treats them both the same. Since video games are INSIDE I do remind him that he is sharing his space with the rest of us and to turn it down. He always does, but he does go back to full volume when he gets really excited. I don't like it, I wish boys and men didn't engage in trash talk, but they do. None of that helps OP at all, but it might help to begin with the premise that this young man is not doing anything inherently wrong. He is in his own home and doing what clearly his parents allow him to do in his own home. It is analogous to families where someone leaves the TV on all the time - it is really annoying to people who don't do that, and can seem really rude. But some families like it.

OP here, thanks for this. Yes, it is very jarring for me, and not something I grew up with. He has a job so he's not playing video games all day long. It's clearly something he does to let off steam. His work is very busy right now. I said it was scary for me not just because of the obscene language but because he sounds out of control when he screams, like he might hit something or throw something. It is actually helpful to know this is common behavior.

This is not common behavior. He is a LOSER who still lives in mommy’s and daddy’s home.
You still can’t dictate someone’s behavior in their home. That is for the host to do. (Mom & dad)
And yes..you should stay in a hotel next time. No one is obligated to provide you lodging when you visit.

He's in his 20s, and you don't know his exact age. He has a job. It's a pandemic. You know nothing about him.

It IS pretty common behaviour, and the fact that you seem so invested in name calling someone you don't even know says a lot about what a horrid person you must be. In fact, what a LOSER you likely are.

--NP

Do you have a son? If so what would you do if he was acting like this when you a toddler or preschooler as a houseguest? I suspect you’d be embarrassed and annoyed and tell him to knock it off which is what op’s in-laws should do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you, your DD, and your DH have to deal with that. BIL's behavior is immature and trashy. I would be pissed as hell, but there isn't much you can you do. I hope the week goes by quickly. Is the weather good where you are and can you try and do outdoor activities to get away?

How often is he playing video games? Is it hours on end? What a loser.

Oh come on. If BIL was on the basketball court hollering and trash talking you wouldn't call him a loser, would you? Video gamers engage in the exact same behavior, and like to do it at the same volume. I know this because I have a 14 year old who plays pick up basketball and video games, and he treats them both the same. Since video games are INSIDE I do remind him that he is sharing his space with the rest of us and to turn it down. He always does, but he does go back to full volume when he gets really excited. I don't like it, I wish boys and men didn't engage in trash talk, but they do. None of that helps OP at all, but it might help to begin with the premise that this young man is not doing anything inherently wrong. He is in his own home and doing what clearly his parents allow him to do in his own home. It is analogous to families where someone leaves the TV on all the time - it is really annoying to people who don't do that, and can seem really rude. But some families like it.

OP here, thanks for this. Yes, it is very jarring for me, and not something I grew up with. He has a job so he's not playing video games all day long. It's clearly something he does to let off steam. His work is very busy right now. I said it was scary for me not just because of the obscene language but because he sounds out of control when he screams, like he might hit something or throw something. It is actually helpful to know this is common behavior.

Are you always this dramatic and sensitive? Or just in this instance?

If you believe that being uncomfortable with being in the house with a man who screams obscenities makes me "dramatic" and "sensitive" then yes. Do you always spend your days writing insults to strangers online?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a 10 yo who gets carried away sometimes and screams or says obscenities when he plays certain videogames. I work very hard on teaching him to control it. It is very disconcerting to know some people don’t seem to be growing out of it (his dad has a neighbor who is a grown a** man and still does that too).
That said, it’s not likely to scar your 2 yo if she is not visibly upset/scared and if she is, it’s fine to calm her down.
However it would be very uncomfortable for me. I hate any unnecessary noise, too.
I am sorry you have to put up with it. I hope you feel better knowing it won’t scar your child for life. Hope the week goes by fast!

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a drama queen.

Please, elaborate.

NP here. He was alone in his own room yelling at a video screen. She was in another part of the house, and it had nothing to do with her. Claiming that she was scared that he might throw something alone in his own room is ridiculous and melodramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you, your DD, and your DH have to deal with that. BIL's behavior is immature and trashy. I would be pissed as hell, but there isn't much you can you do. I hope the week goes by quickly. Is the weather good where you are and can you try and do outdoor activities to get away?

How often is he playing video games? Is it hours on end? What a loser.

Oh come on. If BIL was on the basketball court hollering and trash talking you wouldn't call him a loser, would you? Video gamers engage in the exact same behavior, and like to do it at the same volume. I know this because I have a 14 year old who plays pick up basketball and video games, and he treats them both the same. Since video games are INSIDE I do remind him that he is sharing his space with the rest of us and to turn it down. He always does, but he does go back to full volume when he gets really excited. I don't like it, I wish boys and men didn't engage in trash talk, but they do. None of that helps OP at all, but it might help to begin with the premise that this young man is not doing anything inherently wrong. He is in his own home and doing what clearly his parents allow him to do in his own home. It is analogous to families where someone leaves the TV on all the time - it is really annoying to people who don't do that, and can seem really rude. But some families like it.

OP here, thanks for this. Yes, it is very jarring for me, and not something I grew up with. He has a job so he's not playing video games all day long. It's clearly something he does to let off steam. His work is very busy right now. I said it was scary for me not just because of the obscene language but because he sounds out of control when he screams, like he might hit something or throw something. It is actually helpful to know this is common behavior.

Are you always this dramatic and sensitive? Or just in this instance?

If you believe that being uncomfortable with being in the house with a man who screams obscenities makes me "dramatic" and "sensitive" then yes. Do you always spend your days writing insults to strangers online?

Then go outside if you're so uncomfortable. Personally, I would have just rolled my eyes and laughed at him. How do you function in life if you are this hypersensitive?

[Anonymous]

Stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you, your DD, and your DH have to deal with that. BIL's behavior is immature and trashy. I would be pissed as hell, but there isn't much you can you do. I hope the week goes by quickly. Is the weather good where you are and can you try and do outdoor activities to get away?

How often is he playing video games? Is it hours on end? What a loser.

Oh come on. If BIL was on the basketball court hollering and trash talking you wouldn't call him a loser, would you? Video gamers engage in the exact same behavior, and like to do it at the same volume. I know this because I have a 14 year old who plays pick up basketball and video games, and he treats them both the same. Since video games are INSIDE I do remind him that he is sharing his space with the rest of us and to turn it down. He always does, but he does go back to full volume when he gets really excited. I don't like it, I wish boys and men didn't engage in trash talk, but they do. None of that helps OP at all, but it might help to begin with the premise that this young man is not doing anything inherently wrong. He is in his own home and doing what clearly his parents allow him to do in his own home. It is analogous to families where someone leaves the TV on all the time - it is really annoying to people who don't do that, and can seem really rude. But some families like it.

The shouting while playing is common, doing it where a little kid can hear is not, especially for an adult! -mom of teen boys
OP here, thanks for this. Yes, it is very jarring for me, and not something I grew up with. He has a job so he's not playing video games all day long. It's clearly something he does to let off steam. His work is very busy right now. I said it was scary for me not just because of the obscene language but because he sounds out of control when he screams, like he might hit something or throw something. It is actually helpful to know this is common behavior.

I'm the PP with the 14 year old. Absolutely someone should remind BIL that there is a small child in the house and to watch his words and volume. He clearly needs the reminder. That is different than calling him a loser or being afraid of him. He is acting within the bounds of normal gamer behavior, but in this context (guests with small children) it is rude and not welcoming. OP, really, you don't need to be afraid he'll hit or throw something. These games are immersive and while the game is on the screen the avatar you control is moving - jumping, twirling, running, falling, shooting and being shot. Think about what people are like when they play capture the flag, or later tag, or paint ball. All of that small energy is running through this game and your BIL - it is so immersive you forget where you are. You are also wearing headphones so you can't hear your own hollering. Especially in this pandemic, where young people can't get together, immersing yourself in something that takes you out of your present and into a fictional world feels really good.

All of that said...BIL should be a good human being and tone it way down while guests and kids are in the house.