Being told you look 'sick' at your ideal weight?

[Anonymous]

I'm 5ft but at 104 I was told I looked sick. I didn't have pudgy upper arms anymore and my stomach was nearly flat. I had a longer slim neck and a slender back and thighs and I had model defined cheekbones. I felt I looked average/normal and prettier. But when I walked into the salon full of ladies who had all gained weight during the pandemic I was told I looked sick? Could it just be them?

[Anonymous]

It's them. Women love to tear each other down.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you looked tired or stressed out. The comment, rude as it was, was not necessarily about your weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you looked tired or stressed out. The comment, rude as it was, was not necessarily about your weight.

It was because they commented on my weight loss.

[Anonymous]

OP, honest question: are you *asking* if it could be them, as in you think it might be that you actually looked sick, but maybe not -- or are you telling people you were treated badly, and you think it was out of jealousy for having lost weight while they gained?

I mean, is talking about anything other than "fat women are jealous of thin women" even relevant? I can't tell, but it seems like your mind is already made up, no?

[Anonymous]

It could be them, it could be you. It's your body so their commentary is rude and irrelevant. But if you're concerned, ask someone you trust and make clear you want their true feelings.

[Anonymous]

It could just be them.

[Anonymous]

Most Americans are overweight or obese. Most do not have an accurate perception of what someone at ideal weight looks like.

[Anonymous]

If you feel good about how u look, don’t worry about what everyone else thinks. You’re better than they are.

[Anonymous]

How do you know the “salon full of ladies” all gained weight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know the “salon full of ladies” all gained weight?

DP

PP, it's that kind of story. I think we'll find out that everyone on the bus cheered, too.

[Anonymous]

OP, I've been thin my entire life. It is my natural body state. I am thin when I eat healthy and exercise, and I am thin when I don't.

My whole life, people have commented on my weight. Sometimes people assume positive things about me because of my weight. They often figure I'm very diligent about exercise or that I'm very fit. That's actually true now but hasn't always been true. People also assume I eat well (this has never really been true). I really see fat phobia in the way people talk to me about my weight sometimes, the way they assume I have good self-control because they assume my weight is the result of effort. It's not.

But people have also said lots of nasty things about my body. Sometimes people tell me I'm too thin, that I look unwell, that I need to gain weight. Other times, people just tell me they don't like me because I'm thin, or that they are mad at me for being thin or for wearing clothes that make it clear that I am thin.

Here's the thing about all of it: it has nothing to do with me. At all. The compliments don't have anything to do with me and the insults don't either. It's all about the person saying it, what they want, what they think of their body and other people's bodies. What they think about food and exercise. What they think health is and isn't. Sometimes it's about their feelings about me, but that's still not my business.

You have to learn to let it go. It sucks to have people be unkind to you because of your body. Everyone experiences this. Fat women (actually fat women, not "I just need to lose 15 pounds" or just average weight women) experience the worst of it -- our society is cruel to fat people on a level that I'll never experience. Being denied medical care, being treated as unworthy of love, being denied or pushed out of jobs, all because of something that people truly have very little control over. Be grateful that you don't experience that and try to be kind to others. They are just doing their best. They shouldn't take out their unhappiness on you, but if they do, know it's not about you. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Jealous. You don’t look sick. I’m 5’7” and I used to be 107. I didn’t even look sick. I looked skinny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I've been thin my entire life. It is my natural body state. I am thin when I eat healthy and exercise, and I am thin when I don't.

My whole life, people have commented on my weight. Sometimes people assume positive things about me because of my weight. They often figure I'm very diligent about exercise or that I'm very fit. That's actually true now but hasn't always been true. People also assume I eat well (this has never really been true). I really see fat phobia in the way people talk to me about my weight sometimes, the way they assume I have good self-control because they assume my weight is the result of effort. It's not.

But people have also said lots of nasty things about my body. Sometimes people tell me I'm too thin, that I look unwell, that I need to gain weight. Other times, people just tell me they don't like me because I'm thin, or that they are mad at me for being thin or for wearing clothes that make it clear that I am thin.

Here's the thing about all of it: it has nothing to do with me. At all. The compliments don't have anything to do with me and the insults don't either. It's all about the person saying it, what they want, what they think of their body and other people's bodies. What they think about food and exercise. What they think health is and isn't. Sometimes it's about their feelings about me, but that's still not my business.

You have to learn to let it go. It sucks to have people be unkind to you because of your body. Everyone experiences this. Fat women (actually fat women, not "I just need to lose 15 pounds" or just average weight women) experience the worst of it -- our society is cruel to fat people on a level that I'll never experience. Being denied medical care, being treated as unworthy of love, being denied or pushed out of jobs, all because of something that people truly have very little control over. Be grateful that you don't experience that and try to be kind to others. They are just doing their best. They shouldn't take out their unhappiness on you, but if they do, know it's not about you. Let it go.

Amen

[Anonymous]

This is like my secret dream.