Is it normal to feel jealous of pregnancy announcements if you have older kids?

[Anonymous]

I'm turning 40 this year and we have three kids, the youngest of whom is 8. We're finally at the stage where we can travel and do fun things with them and not have it be a huge hassle. I really don't want to start over with a new baby. The newborn period for us was pretty hellish all three times. None of our kids slept well, one of them was super colicky with acid reflux, could not be put down for literally months on end, it's extremely labor intensive even if you don't get a fussy baby, etc. etc. Plus, as bad as having a newborn in the house is, having a toddler was even worse.

The thing is, I do really enjoy my older kids. It started around the time the youngest was 3-4, completely potty trained, outgrew naps and strollers, etc. If I could magic into being a four year old for our family, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

So why do I feel jealous when friends announce new pregnancies? Does anyone else relate? Is this hormonal or peri-menopause or something?

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of people I know having their first kids in their late 30s to mid 40s. Everything is new and wonderful for them.

For the people who had their kids young well...you’re barely even middle-aged now and still could feasibly have more kids if you wanted. It’s that recognition that you’re done with that stage but you kind of wish you weren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of people I know having their first kids in their late 30s to mid 40s. Everything is new and wonderful for them.

For the people who had their kids young well...you’re barely even middle-aged now and still could feasibly have more kids if you wanted. It’s that recognition that you’re done with that stage but you kind of wish you weren’t.

OP here. Yes we moved here from the midwest, where most people had/have children younger and I wasn't out of the norm to have a first baby at 27. So I know lots of women expecting now and I am a little jealous.

I don't really want to have a baby but I wish we had had one more when I was like, idk, 35 or so.

[Anonymous]

Also lots of ‘second’ families popping up. Re-marriages with the couple having to have 1-2 shared children to balance out being step-parents on both sides. Which is how a friend ended up 42 with twin newborns, a 17-year-old and a 14-year-old.

[Anonymous]

You sound crazy. It doesn't make sense at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also lots of ‘second’ families popping up. Re-marriages with the couple having to have 1-2 shared children to balance out being step-parents on both sides. Which is how a friend ended up 42 with twin newborns, a 17-year-old and a 14-year-old.

eek. I cannot even imagine. I hope they have money for a night nurse and daytime nanny!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound crazy. It doesn't make sense at all.

Not OP - you’ve never had baby envy before?

[Anonymous]

Just imagine yourself in your 60's putting several kids through college, that should give you a reality check.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize. I would love to be younger, healthier, richer, and have more babies. I love the baby stage.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if it's normal but I'm sure it's at least common. I already feel this way and my youngest is one. Babies and toddlers are delightful as well as hard, and that period just FLIES by. I think I already understand why grandparents get doting and emotional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just imagine yourself in your 60's putting several kids through college, that should give you a reality check.

How is that any different from doing it in your 40s with less money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just imagine yourself in your 60's putting several kids through college, that should give you a reality check.

heh good point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound crazy. It doesn't make sense at all.

Not OP - you’ve never had baby envy before?

No, when someone gets pregnant I usually think "better you than me."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just imagine yourself in your 60's putting several kids through college, that should give you a reality check.

How is that any different from doing it in your 40s with less money?

well presumably you want to retire but might not be able to if you need an extra 75-100k a year

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm jealous of people like you! I wish I had a 13 year old at 40, you're doing life right