Is it normal to feel jealous of pregnancy announcements if you have older kids?

[Anonymous]

I’m 42, almost 43 and have 3 kids. I had my youngest at age 38. Youngest just turned 4 and several of her friends have baby siblings or pregnant moms.

I’m not jealous. It makes me a little sad that I know I won’t hold another baby of ours. At the same time, our family feels complete with our 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

I can relate. I’m your age with 2 school age kids. I do want another, so it can be hard not to feel a bit jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People think pregnancy and newborns are special (because they are) but no one thinks being the mom of older kids is special (even though it is). I think it’s totally normal to feel jealous of someone who is going through a new, special event who will be fawned over. In some ways, I has less to do with the baby and more to do with the recognition.

We see you moms of older kiddos. I wish society celebrated you more.

Exactly this. It’s even become more obvious during the pandemic. Hearing from a boss well let’s cut blab blah slack, she has a baby at home. As my 6 and 9 year olds decompensate over remote learning.

[Anonymous]

I sort of felt this way before COVID, but I think the pandemic has killed that feeling. I want no part of having a new baby during a pandemic. My kids are 3 and 6 and it's been so chaotic and frankly boring especially this winter when we can't do indoor playdates, go to museums, travel, etc. If we had a third boy I'm not sure I could handle a third round of pretend playing cars and monster trucks and Paw Patrol. The older ones aren't old enough to be super helpful but also wouldn't be young enough to play with the baby. I would feel so isolated without being able to meet up with other moms and babies. If we wanted my parents to help at all we'd probably have to totally lock down in every other way which would be bad for my older kids. It helps that most friends have had their 2 or 3 and are now done. One friend did just give birth and I feel happy for her but zero jealousy. I get sad when I see old photos or videos of my kids when they were babies, but then I think about the reality of chaotic mealtimes, getting 3 kids in the car, balancing older kid activities with baby nap time, and how much harder it would be to travel post-COVID. I am enjoying seeing my 6 year old develop into a full blown person and learn so much. My 3 year old is still pretty snuggly so I can enjoy that. He nursed (just once at bedtime) until 2.5 so I feel like I got all the time I wanted on that. Maybe I will feel differently when they're 6 and 9 and we're hopefully out of this pandemic (God help us), but I will be 41 at that point and I don't myself wanting to start over then.

[Anonymous]

I am 33 with 3 kids ages 2, 3 and 7 and honestly, baby #3 was a surprise. I definitely miss the excitement of it all and the newborn stage. Sometimes I think about a 4th but my 2 toddlers snap me back into reality real quick!

[Anonymous]

I think this is normal, and relates to mourning a certain part of motherhood when your kids are babies/toddlers. I used to feel this way too, and wondered if it meant I wanted another kid—but I don’t.

[Anonymous]

I understand, OP. I have three and also started at 27. Our family is complete but that excitement of a new baby is still so amazing. I think you should do something exciting. We’re building a new house and that has taken a lot of my focus and kept things interesting. Maybe plan a big post-COVID trip?

[Anonymous]

You could adopt a 4 year old!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm turning 40 this year and we have three kids, the youngest of whom is 8. We're finally at the stage where we can travel and do fun things with them and not have it be a huge hassle. I really don't want to start over with a new baby. The newborn period for us was pretty hellish all three times. None of our kids slept well, one of them was super colicky with acid reflux, could not be put down for literally months on end, it's extremely labor intensive even if you don't get a fussy baby, etc. etc. Plus, as bad as having a newborn in the house is, having a toddler was even worse.

The thing is, I do really enjoy my older kids. It started around the time the youngest was 3-4, completely potty trained, outgrew naps and strollers, etc. If I could magic into being a four year old for our family, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

So why do I feel jealous when friends announce new pregnancies? Does anyone else relate? Is this hormonal or peri-menopause or something?

Good lord, no. I am so damn happy that it isn't me!

[Anonymous]

I always hear of women having baby fever the closer they get to 40. A bunch of my friends had their 2nd and 3rd kids after 35. I have two already at 35 and always get a longing for another one whenever I hold a baby. Mine are 6 and 7 now. The longing quickly goes away though when I’m reminded of how much more fun older kids are. Babies are fine but toddlers suck.

[Anonymous]

I’m 56 and still feel that way. It means you miss that the young part of your life has passed. I have a gaggle of 30 year old cousins who are in baby made and always feel a pang. Totally normal. (And my grown son says he does not want kids so prob no grandkids for me).