Is it normal to feel jealous of pregnancy announcements if you have older kids?

[Anonymous]

I'm with you, OP. My youngest is 7 and I'm turning 40 this year, so no more babies in the cards. Part of me is glad I don't have to deal with toddler tantrums and diapers and the utter exhaustion of parenting young children anymore, but part of me is mourning the fact that I'll never have another baby. It's a time in my life that is over and I'll never get it back.

[Anonymous]

Enjoy the phase of life you are in. I think it the pandemic and lack of outlets and social engagements has you thinking about things you normally wouldn’t dwell on. The next time you are in a restaurant and someone’s toddler is having a tantrum and they have to walk out- you will be saying glad that isn’t us anymore!

[Anonymous]

I know part of my jealousy of pregnant women and new moms is that my pregnancy and post partum years were tough. Miserable while pregnant, then PPD, plus tons of upheaval in our lives (close family battling cancer, among other things). I know sometimes I just have to mourn not getting to have that be a gentle, happy time for our family. We still have lovely memories but also many challenging ones.

My point is that sometimes the envy isn’t really what you think it is. I don’t actually want another baby, I’m very happy with my family as it is. But pregnant family and friends reminds me of a tough time. It usually means I just need to journal about it or talk to my therapist, and then the envy recedes and I can just be happy for them.

[Anonymous]

I completely understand. We had three kids by the time I was 35. Then had an unexpected pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage when I was 40. At that point, I was grieving my miscarriage and had jealous pangs every time I heard a pregnancy announcement, which was often for moms whose oldest child was the same age as my youngest. Now that my oldest is 19, I am sincerely looking forward to grandchildren. Not any time soon - LOL! - but soon enough.

[Anonymous]

No idea. Every time I see one I think that goodness that isn't me!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound crazy. It doesn't make sense at all.

YOU sound crazy. It doesn't make sense to you?

[Anonymous]

I don’t actually want a baby. My husband had a vasectomy after our last child and if they came up with some magic way to undo that I would say no thank you.

But we have new babies in our family, and yes when I see their little toes (on Zoom) or think about how their head must smell, or spend an hour choosing a little outfit for a shower gift, then there’s a moment of jealousy. I think wouldn’t it be nice to be snuggling a newborn while we’re home due to covid?

Then I remember the middle of the night and come to my senses.

[Anonymous]

People think pregnancy and newborns are special (because they are) but no one thinks being the mom of older kids is special (even though it is). I think it’s totally normal to feel jealous of someone who is going through a new, special event who will be fawned over. In some ways, I has less to do with the baby and more to do with the recognition.

We see you moms of older kiddos. I wish society celebrated you more.

[Anonymous]

No, I've never had baby envy.

[Anonymous]

You've just forgotten what it's like, OP. Your kids must be out of the mommy mommy mommy phase. Mine are 2.5 and 4. It is mommy mommy mommy. All. Day Long. They will stand and cry in the hall if I shut the bathroom door. They can't help themselves to cereal or get their clothes on and off without help. Yes, they are really cute and it's fun sometimes, but much of the day I'm screaming internally.

[Anonymous]

I struggled with primary infertility in my early to mid 30s, so I front-loaded my baby envy.

[Anonymous]

I get it. I feel the same. And I’m not interested in more actual kids. But it’s fun and exciting having a baby (though mostly exhausting).

[Anonymous]

I have a different perspective OP, but it might be because my third is only 2. I am sooo glad I am not pregnant and won’t be pregnant anymore! I am 36 and I can’t wait to be 40 with an 11, 9 and 6 year old. My life is still not easy with the 2 year old around. He only now started sleeping through the night, does not communicate well, still naps, has tantrums, etc. My friends are also getting pregnant or trying for the first time (even friends that are older than me) and I am so glad I am not anxious, worried, uncomfortable, etc during COVID!

[Anonymous]

OP I’m going to be you. I had my three at 28, 31, and 32. My youngest is 2 so I’m in the thick of it and definitely don’t want another, but a lot of my friends are just getting started in their mid 30s.

[Anonymous]

Well I have a new baby and a preschooler I haven’t showered in 2 days, washed my hair in 3, slept for more than 5 hours straight, or used the bathroom alone with the door closed in months. Also, I have a huge diastasis, no core strength, back hurts, and haven’t worn a bra with underwire since my third tri. Also none of my clothes fit because I’m a lactating cow. My current shirt smells like spit up and I’m wearing the same pair of faded leggings I wore yesterday because they are one of the few items that fit. Already cried once today about going back to work. I am tired, hormonal, touched out, and have a touch of postpartum rage. My house is a mess. Because of Covid I’ve had little family support and few of the fun things that are special to having a newborn (grandparent and friend visits, mommy group, mom baby yoga, lunches with working friends to meet the baby, family holiday celebrations, etc). Pregnancy and postpartum are hard normally and even harder now due to Covid. Don’t forget how hard these years are, OP. I would love to have kids who can wipe their own butts and fix their own snack and let me shower right now.