Is it normal to feel jealous of pregnancy announcements if you have older kids?

[Anonymous]

I’m sure it’s normal but I can’t relate. I’m 42 and my youngest is 8, and I have no desire for more kids. I knew we were done years ago, when hearing about people’s pregnancies elicited a “so glad it’s not me” reaction.

[Anonymous]

I know how you feel, OP. For me, it’s not so much that I want another kid (I don’t, at all), but more of a feeling of sadness that one chapter in my life has closed and with it, part of my youth too. Not that there aren’t good things about the next stage in life, of course, but that a pretty major part is over.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s normal. I’m 44 and my youngest is five; I do still sometimes get that bittersweet feeling when I hear baby announcements, because that phase of my life is passed. Mostly, I’m thrilled it has, but expecting a new baby is such a unique and precious time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of people I know having their first kids in their late 30s to mid 40s. Everything is new and wonderful for them.

For the people who had their kids young well...you’re barely even middle-aged now and still could feasibly have more kids if you wanted. It’s that recognition that you’re done with that stage but you kind of wish you weren’t.

OP here. Yes we moved here from the midwest, where most people had/have children younger and I wasn't out of the norm to have a first baby at 27. So I know lots of women expecting now and I am a little jealous.

I don't really want to have a baby but I wish we had had one more when I was like, idk, 35 or so.

I know what you mean-it makes you feel out of the loop and old when your kids are older and everyone your age is having babies. I had my first at 24 and had a baby at 35 when I got that feeling.

[Anonymous]

^sorry don’t know why this posted twice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know how you feel, OP. For me, it’s not so much that I want another kid (I don’t, at all), but more of a feeling of sadness that one chapter in my life has closed and with it, part of my youth too. Not that there aren’t good things about the next stage in life, of course, but that a pretty major part is over.

Yes, this is such a huge aspect of it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, though I’m an older mom with a young kid (40 with a 2 year old). We haven’t ruled out a second completely, but when we encountered secondary infertility it made us reassess if maybe we could be happy as a family of three. Between Covid and some health issues, I think we are leaning towards keeping things simple with one child.

But I get pangs anytime I find out someone is pregnant or see new babies or even just any baby, because the realization that part of my life might be over us sad. I’m still hanging into all our baby stuff. I figure when I’m ready to let it go I’ll know I’ve made my decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just imagine yourself in your 60's putting several kids through college, that should give you a reality check.

How is that any different from doing it in your 40s with less money?

You will be wanting to retire in your 60s, which is a financial feat in itself. Try supporting a litter of college age kids when you are fantasizing about sitting in a recliner to rest your aching joints.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Can't relate.

[Anonymous]

Part of it is that you have a twinge of pining for the nostalgia, the excitement of a new baby, the attention/special treatment new parents (and new babies) receive. You miss how strangers in the check- out line would coo over your babes and even though your kids are totally awesome, they are no longer the cutie-patuties of babyhood.

You've BTDT. That chapter has passed for you, but for others they are only now turning to that page.

[Anonymous]

I'm 42 and happy with 2 know kids. No jealousy but a twinge of missing that exciting phase. From engagement to wedding to kids...every couple of years there was something BIG, and it was fun.

[Anonymous]

I miss the attention. Once your past 40 you start to fade into obscurity in society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I miss the attention. Once your past 40 you start to fade into obscurity in society.

Lol! I can’t quite tell if you’re being sarcastic or not but I actually agree (to a point).

Those major life milestones (getting married, getting pregnant, having babies and young kids) are all so exciting and “attention worthy”. When that feeling of being ‘seen’ ends, it feels sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I miss the attention. Once your past 40 you start to fade into obscurity in society.

Lol! I can’t quite tell if you’re being sarcastic or not but I actually agree (to a point).

Those major life milestones (getting married, getting pregnant, having babies and young kids) are all so exciting and “attention worthy”. When that feeling of being ‘seen’ ends, it feels sad.

NP here. Never understood this sentiment - I feel like people who needed to "be seen" are fixated on being "invisible" - but you know, "being seen" really doesn't matter to everyone.

So many bitter old hags! Boy, their lives must have sucked!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I sympathize. I would love to be younger, healthier, richer, and have more babies. I love the baby stage.

+1. I wish I'd had another when I was younger, even though it made zero sense at the time. I even tried to get pregnant last year (at 40) -- no luck and I've stopped, now, but if it happened by accident I wouldn't be upset.