How to collect money for family gift

[Anonymous]

My family tends to do a lot of communal things - all the siblings go in for a group Xmas gift for our parents, chips in for a week at the beach etc. My sister never ever pays up unless you badger her millions of times. It's annoying. She has money. Nobody is hurting. It's just that she forgets and someone else ends up not being reimbursed.

Our parents' milestone anniversary is Valentines' Day (cheesy I know) and the four siblings are going in on a bunch of stuff. We decided (side text) to ask the never-pay sister to be the one to make the purchase and this time we'd be the one to reimburse. She said she could "try" but honestly unless someone else does it won't get done. (She has forgotten before.) So we just moved ahead. The thing is if we don't include her -- only from the three of us -- my parents will wonder what's up and the point is to get them a gift!!

Somehow my sister always weasels out of paying! It is beyond aggravating. How would you solve this?

[Anonymous]

Send her a request daily on venmo.

[Anonymous]

Just do it without her and sign the gift with -- "from your kids (except Mary)"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just do it without her and sign the gift with -- "from your kids (except Mary)"

Um.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Send her a request daily on venmo.

Can you set it up to automatically send a reminder? Do that.

[Anonymous]

Just sign the card from the three of you, leave out Mary. And when your parents say "Wait, why isn't Mary on the card?" you can say "Because Mary never pays her share and we're all sick of it. So we're doing a group gift without her. Happy anniversary!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family tends to do a lot of communal things - all the siblings go in for a group Xmas gift for our parents, chips in for a week at the beach etc. My sister never ever pays up unless you badger her millions of times. It's annoying. She has money. Nobody is hurting. It's just that she forgets and someone else ends up not being reimbursed.

Our parents' milestone anniversary is Valentines' Day (cheesy I know) and the four siblings are going in on a bunch of stuff. We decided (side text) to ask the never-pay sister to be the one to make the purchase and this time we'd be the one to reimburse. She said she could "try" but honestly unless someone else does it won't get done. (She has forgotten before.) So we just moved ahead. The thing is if we don't include her -- only from the three of us -- my parents will wonder what's up and the point is to get them a gift!!

Somehow my sister always weasels out of paying! It is beyond aggravating. How would you solve this?

Yes, time for the cheap sister to get embarrassed for not paying! Why give her credit for saving her money? Tell her what you are planning on doing. Mary, we are ordering X. If you do not give the money we are leaving you off the gift card and you have to buy something else for mom and dad. She might think you won't do it but, do it and then maybe she won't pull this crap on you all.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me with my brother. One year, “we” gave my parents a present and my dad turned to my brother and said “pay back your sister.” Your parents know your sister is a cheapskate without you telling them. Just stop signing her name to the card. There’s no need to “cover” for her. (If fee differently if she were struggling financially, but you indicate this isn’t the case.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just sign the card from the three of you, leave out Mary. And when your parents say "Wait, why isn't Mary on the card?" you can say "Because Mary never pays her share and we're all sick of it. So we're doing a group gift without her. Happy anniversary!"

This.

[Anonymous]

I have an uncle that can't afford as much as my mom and her siblings (or he's just cheap, probably that). He gets my grandparents his own gifts and the others go in on a big gift. It doesn't hurt anyone's feelings.

[Anonymous]

If she couldn't afford it, I would say just pay for her. if she can afford it, either let her know in 2 reminders if she doesn't pay up, her name will not be on the card or do your own thing. It looks petty to leave her out, but she is being a jerk. Still, might stress out your parents. Figure out if it's easier to all do your own thing or to just stop giving her credit, but you need to be absolutely certain this isn't a financial burden. if it is, just add her name and don't be petty.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's petty to leave her off. If she can't afford a gift, she should be doing something else for your parents as a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just sign the card from the three of you, leave out Mary. And when your parents say "Wait, why isn't Mary on the card?" you can say "Because Mary never pays her share and we're all sick of it. So we're doing a group gift without her. Happy anniversary!"

I wouldn't say "never" or bring up the past. I'd just say "Mary didn't choose to join us this year. I assume she had another idea."

[Anonymous]

We just let them add up and ask the family member for one big check/venmo at the end of each season or whatever. It works for us.

[Anonymous]

I’d tell your sister that if she doesn’t pay you will not include her name on the card. When your parents ask about it tell them to call Mary.