How to collect money for family gift

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask for the money now. Say point blank “I hate badgering for reimbursements as much as you hate hearing it so either pitch in on the gift with us now or let me know you’re doing your own thing so we can take it from there.”

This, with a specific date she needs to send the funds by.

Listen to yourself. Let the sister show her love without money if that is what she wants. The materialism and focus on money here is so concerning. This is family. The gift is a loving family. It is not about how much you spend and starting a family drama and calling people cheap or finding new ways to make Larlra cough up some cash. Get some perspective. One day your parents will ill and they will pass away. Will the care about the fact y'all spent a lot of money on some gift, but made Linda feel like a loser or that they remember being surrounded by love?

Then let the sister say that she doesn't want to participate in the group gift! Right now, she's getting the benefit of everyone else paying for her gift to her parents. If she wants to get her own gift, or do something else, she needs to speak up and stop being a mooch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted a similar question a few months ago and everyone told me I should include the name of the non-paying sibling. It was a party favor that was bottles of wine with a custom label—Happy milestone Bday... from siblings. We ordered a few cases to be given as party favors for a party that one sibling did not contribute either financially or effort wise. Didn’t even attend. But we included their name anyway to make the parent think all their kids loved each other. In fact, this sibling is a deadbeat, bankrupt, chronically unemployed loser. Parent constantly defends them and makes excuses for them and gives them money.

It's lovely you had a party for your parents. You could have simply given out the party favor without anyone's name. Then you don't have to pretend the sibling contributed. Most people will assume if sibling is not there, sibling did not contribute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask for the money now. Say point blank “I hate badgering for reimbursements as much as you hate hearing it so either pitch in on the gift with us now or let me know you’re doing your own thing so we can take it from there.”

This, with a specific date she needs to send the funds by.

Listen to yourself. Let the sister show her love without money if that is what she wants. The materialism and focus on money here is so concerning. This is family. The gift is a loving family. It is not about how much you spend and starting a family drama and calling people cheap or finding new ways to make Larlra cough up some cash. Get some perspective. One day your parents will ill and they will pass away. Will the care about the fact y'all spent a lot of money on some gift, but made Linda feel like a loser or that they remember being surrounded by love?

wtf? DH and I only have one sibling each. We ask around Christmas and birthdays if they want to go in on the gift. If they say yes, they pay up.

And yes, lots of parents do want nice gifts. We gift our parents more than we gift our children.

[Anonymous]

OP, out of 5 siblings on my husband's side 2 are like this. They can afford to pay but always forget and you have to nag them for months. Taking venmo helped with one. The other is just a lost cause. The other three of us take turns buying the group gift so we can take turns having to pay the others' share and spend wasted time nagging them. If it were up to me, I wouldn't ask them to join in the group gift, but my husband and siblings don't want the drama that would ensue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask for the money now. Say point blank “I hate badgering for reimbursements as much as you hate hearing it so either pitch in on the gift with us now or let me know you’re doing your own thing so we can take it from there.”

This, with a specific date she needs to send the funds by.

Listen to yourself. Let the sister show her love without money if that is what she wants. The materialism and focus on money here is so concerning. This is family. The gift is a loving family. It is not about how much you spend and starting a family drama and calling people cheap or finding new ways to make Larlra cough up some cash. Get some perspective. One day your parents will ill and they will pass away. Will the care about the fact y'all spent a lot of money on some gift, but made Linda feel like a loser or that they remember being surrounded by love?

wtf? DH and I only have one sibling each. We ask around Christmas and birthdays if they want to go in on the gift. If they say yes, they pay up.

And yes, lots of parents do want nice gifts. We gift our parents more than we gift our children.

So your parents would rather you have resentment and discord and they get their nice gift, then just see their adult children and grandchildren getting along?

[Anonymous]

Is Sis against this idea?

[Anonymous]

Either don't do family gifts going forward or break it into parts. Brother buys camera, Sister1 buys lenses, Sister2 buys memory cards and whatever and each gives it as separate gifts with their own card. You can tell Sister3 to get a bag and tripod. If she does she does and if she doesn't there's no gift from her. Or Brother and Sister1 go in on a hotel stay. Sister 2 gives a restaurant gift card for a place near the hotel. Sister 3 can come up with her own as part of theme, do her own thing, or do nothing.