If there was a golden/favored child in your family, how did they turn out as adults?

[Anonymous]

I'm just understanding how this dynamic has shaped my family and caused so much dysfunction know. I'm just curious to see how it's shaped other families and if the golden child became a decent adult.

[Anonymous]

Of seven cousins, the oldest girl was favored. She was coddled by my grandmother. For some reason she was unhappy with her home life and went to three different high schools before she dropped out and had a baby at 20. Now she’s 50 and lives in a trailer in the south and is a grandmother to 4 kids born out of wedlock and one in. Her daughter had her first kid at 16. The dad was 15. I have no clue what happened. She’s still close with her mom.

[Anonymous]

She is my younger sister and she is a narcissistic brat.

[Anonymous]

I think there are variations on this. Between me and my sibling, I was favored, but there were only a few years when I could do no wrong. I'm a decent person. Career wise, I reached a certain point and plateaued because of burnout, I will never do all I am "capable" of and I think that's healthy.

My sibling and I had a strained relationship that we are slowly repairing.

[Anonymous]

The golden child in our family is a BIG Trump supporter. That should tell you all you need to know.

[Anonymous]

Both turned out great! I was dad's golden child, I am doing great. Got my masters' raised two kids, moved a lot...
A younger sister was/is mom's golden child. She is a surgeon.
She turned out better career-wise, no kids though. So, both did great, and we are still in a great sisterly relationship!

[Anonymous]

I was that person in my family. In my teens, 20s, 30s, I was driven, perfectionistic, fairly self-absorbed, and had strained relationships with my siblings. I've mellowed and matured--lots of therapy.

[Anonymous]

Older brother, lots of expectations with parents providing all possible opportunities. He did very well at young age, then went downhill - does Door Dash now.
Rabbit doesn't win the race.

[Anonymous]

Older brother was the golden child. My parents put everything into his academics. He ended up dropping out of law school and is a functional alcoholic doing odd jobs.

[Anonymous]

My younger brother. His life is a mess but he literally thinks nothing is his fault.

[Anonymous]

Extremely successful professionally and self-centered in general. Quite a temper if things don’t go his way.

[Anonymous]

My younger brother. He’s doing very well in his career, happily married with kids and we are close.

[Anonymous]

My older sister is the golden child in my family. I think her life turned out mostly how she hoped, which is a relief because she complained incessantly about not getting sufficient help or support from our parents for about 20 years and they have therefore spent the last 20 years ensuring that her every need is met. So at least she got what she wanted (it's not what I would want and I think it reflects some personality disorder issues -- she has a lot of kids and she and her husband run a business together that is a borderline lifestyle cult because she is incredibly controlling and judgmental and thinks her calling in life is to tell other people how to live), though she is entirely reliant on free childcare and frequent cash infusions from my parents.

However, my feeling is that my parents are adults and they could stop participating in this at any time, but choose not to because they are mildly afraid of my sister and desperately need her approval. It is very much their bad parenting choices coming home to roost for them.

Meanwhile, I have a functional life far away. I maintain relationships with everyone in my family, but at a distance, and there is no financial reliance or emotional enmeshment. I make sure my parents have a positive relationship with my child and I keep things friendly with them, but steer clear of drama via detachment and, when necessary, deflection.

I do feel bad for my older brother, who was labeled the f**k up as a child and it has followed him into adulthood and my parents and sister continue to hang that around his neck. However, my younger brother was also handed this label as a child and, like me, he found a way to get distance and detachment and now invests most of his energy in his wife's family, who are very supportive and kind and loving towards him. I wish my older brother could have that and have tried to offer it to him as best I can without getting dragged into the drama with my sister and parents, but he lives closer to them and also relies on my parents for a lot of financial stuff, so I am limited in what I can do. I still hope he can gain some independence.

[Anonymous]

I think my sister thinks I am, because I have children and she has chosen not to. Our parents don't help day to day or financially, just visit for fun. I wish she could see that my kids are not a project of mine the way her PhD is a project of hers, rather they are members of our family in their own right and my parents enjoy spending time with them because if that. Also I think they are prouder of her academic career and her independent streak rather than my very conventional fed job and lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

My twin brother. He’s enormously successful in his field and has a great family life. But I’m very happy with where I am now, too.

I had to take a long time to get over my resentment that he was “golden” in our family, and I think he took a long time to tone down his self-regard. And some of the resentment is still there. I love my parents but avoid going back to our childhood home because it brings up these bad feelings. That said, in retrospect I am somewhat grateful that the bright spotlight on him for so many years gave me room to develop. Maybe a self fulfilling prophecy, and hindsight is 20/20, but I think his personality needed a constant spotlight to motivate his success, and mine needed room to take its own path without constant attention.