Reply to If there was a golden/favored child in your family, how did they turn out as adults?

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[quote=Anonymous]My older sister is the golden child in my family. I think her life turned out mostly how she hoped, which is a relief because she complained incessantly about not getting sufficient help or support from our parents for about 20 years and they have therefore spent the last 20 years ensuring that her every need is met. So at least she got what she wanted (it's not what I would want and I think it reflects some personality disorder issues -- she has a lot of kids and she and her husband run a business together that is a borderline lifestyle cult because she is incredibly controlling and judgmental and thinks her calling in life is to tell other people how to live), though she is entirely reliant on free childcare and frequent cash infusions from my parents.

However, my feeling is that my parents are adults and they could stop participating in this at any time, but choose not to because they are mildly afraid of my sister and desperately need her approval. It is very much their bad parenting choices coming home to roost for them.

Meanwhile, I have a functional life far away. I maintain relationships with everyone in my family, but at a distance, and there is no financial reliance or emotional enmeshment. I make sure my parents have a positive relationship with my child and I keep things friendly with them, but steer clear of drama via detachment and, when necessary, deflection.

I do feel bad for my older brother, who was labeled the f**k up as a child and it has followed him into adulthood and my parents and sister continue to hang that around his neck. However, my younger brother was also handed this label as a child and, like me, he found a way to get distance and detachment and now invests most of his energy in his wife's family, who are very supportive and kind and loving towards him. I wish my older brother could have that and have tried to offer it to him as best I can without getting dragged into the drama with my sister and parents, but he lives closer to them and also relies on my parents for a lot of financial stuff, so I am limited in what I can do. I still hope he can gain some independence.[/quote]

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