If there was a golden/favored child in your family, how did they turn out as adults?

[Anonymous]

He's brilliant and is wealthy. He followed our dad into a very stressful field. He made a lot of money, but I'm not sure he's happy at work?

He also likes being correct all the time and will try to sound like he knows it all (love when he tries to lecture me about my industry). He loses his temper when things don't go according to his plans/expectations. His house is LOUD. People are always shouting and fighting. He has one sweet, quiet child who I always feel badly for...the kid is so stressed out.

I'm the black sheep...took a job in a helping profession I love. I make way less, but I'm happy at home and at work. My house is chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, there is. Because Golden was so academically successful, they ignored all the messages that she had personality issues (acted superior to others, took pleasure in failures of those she saw as competition, couldn't maintains friendships unless the person worshiped her and did things for her without expecting much in return, relationships with significant others ended poorly every time, etc.) So she is still quite successful and very into keeping up appearances, but she seems to have few close friends, she keeps getting into personality clashes at work and with parents of her kid's friends. She leads a conflict and drama filled life, but makes a great living and is a top notch in the field.

You just described my sister to a T.
It has to be the payback for the work success.

Wow. I just posted about my brother and it's kind of similar?

Super successful, but lots of drama.

[Anonymous]

My much older sister for sometime was considered the most responsible. However, later on we found out they were very irresponsible with money. And made a lot of bad decisions. Her husband was VP of a company and she was a dept. manager. Long story, but they were out of jobs when another company took over at age 50. He ended up dying, and she lives on very little today. Squandered it all foolishly. Took out of her 401k to give her spoiled daughter a wedding she couldn't afford. My life turned out very well, not perfect but we are all set. I guess I've been the golden child now since the rose colored glasses came off. She's also very selfish which I think hurts people down the road.

[Anonymous]

My older brother and his wife are both the golden children of their families. While I wouldn't say their struggling, they’ve been complacent in mediocre federal jobs they don't like and have had to borrow money from my parents from time to time. Because our families always told them they were the best and brightest and would have it all, they live in constant comparison and competition with other people. Overall they seem pretty unhappy.

[Anonymous]

My sibling was the golden child, I was the black sheep by surprised everyone and have become very successful in my field and work has led me and my family to love abroad multiple times. My sibling in a drunk moment actually told me I didn't deserve what I had, it was supposed to be them.

[Anonymous]

I was the golden child. There were 4 of us total. My older brother who had a terrible personality conflict with my dad is super successful career wise, making substantially into the 7 figures. He got divorced over not wanting kids and it makes me sad because I know that’s childhood trauma/he’s be a great dad. Still not in touch with our parents. I have a relatively prestigious Fed law job as these things go. Happy home life with 3 great kids. Younger sister was by far the least academically successful, but had a great work ethic. Only a 2 year college degree, but making high five figures in a nice low cost of living area. Loves her job. Good personality and would have gotten on well with our parents if not for their academic expectations. Reconciled now. Littlest brother never fully launched but has some medical issues. Hopefully he meets someone. That would make all the difference in his eventually quality of life. He was the next shiniest kid — the silver child? — and they just coddled him way too much.

[Anonymous]

I was one, particularly for my mom. My dad was too self absorbed to focus on any child. I could do no wrong, was made out to be the perfect child. I played the role until I was in my 30s. I always had to look the part. My mom lived through my successes. She obsessed over my looks, every detail. Every pound (she wanted me to gain), every hair, every drop of make up, every outfit had to be perfect, especially in front of her family and friends. She had pictures of me up everywhere, hardly any of my sibling. It wasn’t until I had my own kids that I realized how messed up it was, and how my parents literally knew nothing about me. They literally never had a 2 way conversation with me or asked me any questions about my life. My mom was too busy crafting her illusion of perfection in me.
I ended up marrying someone who was almost as self absorbed as my dad, but not abusive and I continued being completely invisible only willing to show people the perfect facade. I feared there really was nothing there underneath it all because not one person had seen “me”. I had no self identity. I’m married with kids, and gave up my career bc my husband made more and his job was inflexible and he also seems to be handicapped and hen it comes to household things like cooking cleaning and shopping and childcare and social and family commitments. And also because I just lost all motivation in my career. I was just going through the motions. I’m slowly starting to care les and less what everyone thinks.

My sibling is kind and has finally stepped up with responsibilities. We have a good relationship, and my sibling is eccentric and unique and talented. And since I moved further away, my sibling has been helping out our aging mom more. Finally married a good person. My mom did not want them together for the longest time for superficial reasons, but after 10 years she gave up the fight.

[Anonymous]

I was the good one who was conscientious and did all her homework, and my brother was the troublemaker. Not much has changed. I'm not super successful or anything, but I guess I do ok, and my brother is still in all kinds of trouble, sometimes with the law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sibling was the golden child, I was the black sheep by surprised everyone and have become very successful in my field and work has led me and my family to love abroad multiple times. My sibling in a drunk moment actually told me I didn't deserve what I had, it was supposed to be them.

+1

Yes! The GC absolutely feels entitled, because they have been told how "great" they are all their lives. The other children just watch from the sidelines and continue their lives, taking notes, with the main goal of NOT being the GC, because it is such a destructive spot to be in. Then, when the other children become successful it is inevitably a giant blow to the GC, who has had everything taken care for them all their lives. I wouldn't want to be a GC for all the money in the world. My sibling is the GC and has been known to drink first thing in the morning - in the house that parents bought for her, surrounded by things that parents money bought for her. Any other money she has, she stole from them. No conscience, no shame. DH's sister is also a GC - "just like mom" lazy and entitled. Who would want that miserable, lonely life? They don't even know how to get along with people for any period of time.

[Anonymous]

My eldest cousin was that golden child among 9 grandchildren. She turned out to be OK by some standards: family, good career. But all she cares about is money and she judges people by how much they make in life. She did not invite my brother to her daughter's wedding because she didn't want other guests to be uncomfortable by having a blue collared worker there. My brother is an airline mechanic. Her husband is an ex-con who spent a few years in prison for fraud and embezzlement. Not sure which one is supposed to feel "uncomfortable".

[Anonymous]

My inlaw and sibling were the golden children in both families. We are all from a poor, minority community. They were always told that they would make it out and excel at everything, travel the world etc. They have done ok professionally but not close to the expectations our families had. The major issue is They are so caught up in appearances they have a massive amount of debt and continue to borrow from parents even tho they are At an age where they should be more concerned about helping parents.

[Anonymous]

My husband is the golden child. He is the successful one out of all of his siblings. His parents were working class and didn't really push hard on education. Of course, they wanted the best for their kids but didn't know how to navigate the education in a way that would benefit their children. Teachers picked up on my husband's intelligence and he was able to do well and go to Ivy League schools.

His siblings have struggled with drug addiction, learning disabilities and financial issues. My husband is a kind and giving person so they don't outwardly resent his success or his status as the golden child but they do make jokes about him being the favorite.

[Anonymous]

My older brother was and still is the golden child. he is very successful with a nice and smart wife and daughters, and is financially well off. however, there are lingering resentments among we siblings as a result of our parents’ (mainly our mom’s) favoritism of said older brother.

[Anonymous]

Sister is successful in terms of career, relationship, kids. Troubled emotionally(anorexia) but won't seek help. Very hard to have any kind of relationship with her as she likes to be perceived as perfect and for you to be the imperfect one. Very judgy of any perceived weakness, lack of discipline etc.Would be unsurprised if a divorce for her came out of the blue one day. Not an authentic, open kind of person and never complains about any of her multiple responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Two advanced degrees, working a 50k job, divorced with two kids. He was the oldest of three and the only boy. Could do no wrong in my parents eyes. Ivy League for college. Pressured into law school. Left law for a low paying degree/career. He still doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life as he did whatever my parents wanted him to do. Left his wife because he wasn’t sure about her either (she is wonderful). He is still dissatisfied with his life unfortunately.

He is a good father and seems to have learned through therapy to have better boundaries with his children. He lets them be kids and has protected them from my parents (as have I). I feel grateful that I was not the golden child as an adult. I have a career that I enjoy and am happily married. It still pains me to see how my parents fawn over my brother. They make so many excuses for him and threw his ex wife under the bus. Like they’re actually embarrassed that their 45 yo son is divorced when they’ve been unhappily married forever.