How long does it take to get over the sting of rejection during the admissions process?

[Anonymous]

My DS was rejected from his top choice a few days ago. He seemed pretty down about it Friday and Saturday.

How long does it take to shake it off and move on?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP! It took my kid a few days, and then he bounced back. (this was last year - he is now really happy at the school he picked).

There are a lot of good schools out there and yours will find another place.

[Anonymous]

At that age, and with everything we have indoctrinated into high school seniors, it's really hard to let go of a school you already feel totally invested in and wed to.

I would just help guide him to understand that life doesn't work out like you think it's going to, and sometimes the universe really does what's best for you even though you can't see it. He will go to a great college and he will do well and have a great time and meet people that soon he can't even imagine not in his life. Starting to take a closer look at other schools, especially target schools, might be a good idea. I know it's hard hugs to you. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I still haven't gotten over being rejected by CU Boulder.

They rejected me and I got into Harvard. I never thought I had a chance at Harvard when I applied, and only really wanted to live in Boulder. I would have gone to CU if they had taken me.

[Anonymous]

OP, depends on the kid of course, and how quickly they tend to recover. But for most if they have another good option much of it will subside once they put down the deposit and commit, and the remainder will evaporate once they hit campus on the first day. My first got into his safety from the waitlist (yep, we screwed up that whole thing) but settled in quickly and had a great four years. I doubt he devotes any thought at all to what might have been elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still haven't gotten over being rejected by CU Boulder.

They rejected me and I got into Harvard. I never thought I had a chance at Harvard when I applied, and only really wanted to live in Boulder. I would have gone to CU if they had taken me.

~crickets~

[Anonymous]

Ours took a few days, although who knows what was still going on in their head. It helps when they get into some safeties early via rolling admissions.

It also helps when they hear about friends who are going through the same thing.

[Anonymous]

I am still upset I was rejected from Stanford. This was 1987.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, depends on the kid of course, and how quickly they tend to recover. But for most if they have another good option much of it will subside once they put down the deposit and commit, and the remainder will evaporate once they hit campus on the first day. My first got into his safety from the waitlist (yep, we screwed up that whole thing) but settled in quickly and had a great four years. I doubt he devotes any thought at all to what might have been elsewhere.

Love this post! Life is what you make of it.

[Anonymous]

It took me zero minutes to get over my top choices because I knew the odds of getting in were small, and my safe schools were great options.

My guess is that most people feel better once they find their groove at their school. Hopefully that happens sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

If you focus on one place as the only place you truly want to attend, it can be hard. But if other colleges can take that spot in your mind and you get into them, then it is an easy transition from despair to hope again.

Every kid is different. It is important that he knows a) it is not personal and b) it is not any kind of failure it is just the chance to take a slightly different path.

A door shuts and a window opens type thing, if that's not too crunchy for you.

[Anonymous]

We tried to set expectations up front that this process is like entering a lottery. You are quailed to play (apply), but it is somewhat random who wins (gets accepted). DD has been accepted by two “safeties” (good schools she’d be more than happy to attend), and didn’t sweat the deferral she received. There may be more acceptances and of course some rejections coming. It’s all part of the process. Hope your DC lands at a great school and has a great college experience!

[Anonymous]

We managed expectations way ahead of time. We also had the benefit of watching other families at her small private go through the process. Every year there are one or two families that enter the application season with the attitude that their kid’s grades and scores match the grades and scores for xyz very selective institutions so those are their target schools. Those kids typically had tough admissions seasons. If a school has a single digit percentage of acceptances, it is not a target. Our daughter loved an in state school that is tough to get into. She decided to apply ED to her first choice and she applied EA to two other instate schools and she applied to a rolling admission safety.

If she wasn’t accepted to her ED, she had one reach and one out of state target to apply to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We managed expectations way ahead of time. We also had the benefit of watching other families at her small private go through the process. Every year there are one or two families that enter the application season with the attitude that their kid’s grades and scores match the grades and scores for xyz very selective institutions so those are their target schools. Those kids typically had tough admissions seasons. If a school has a single digit percentage of acceptances, it is not a target. Our daughter loved an in state school that is tough to get into. She decided to apply ED to her first choice and she applied EA to two other instate schools and she applied to a rolling admission safety.

If she wasn’t accepted to her ED, she had one reach and one out of state target to apply to.

This post is scornful of other families. That's never a good look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still upset I was rejected from Stanford. This was 1987.

Funny I was rejected from Georgetown in 1991 but my parents wouldn’t pay for NYU. I think that hurt more as I was accepted there.