Regrets spending so much money on kids’ activities

[Anonymous]

My kids are young adults now. Looking back, we spent large sums of money on music and sports lessons, equipment, travel, camps, etc. And the time and gas involved. We let them pursue whatever interest they had and did not push them into anything in particular. However, we did have to remind them to practice because we weren’t going to pay for them to half ass something. They chose to continue in whatever activities knowing that they had to at least try their best. They were pretty good at whatever they did, but not the best. After they went to college, they quit their instruments and sports and other clubs altogether. I think they just didn’t have the time anymore. They are doing well so that is not the concern. Rather I wonder if we could have saved money or bought things for myself rather than spend large sums on things that ultimately don’t show ROI on the face of it. I wonder if I was a sucker to the competitive child-rearing atmosphere in DC.

[Anonymous]

Let. It. Go.

Your kids had a great time doing what they did. Just because it didn't result in a career or scholarship to college does not mean it didn't add value.

[Anonymous]

I think the return on investment is that they are happy and hard working adults. A lot of the purpose behind those activities is keeping the kid busy to keep them from getting into trouble. Idle hands are the devil’s playground. The hard thing about parenting is that it isn’t a linear graph to show what the thing was that kept them from avoiding a bad situation or taught them a life lesson. So bottom line I think is that you did the best you could with what you had and your kids turned out great. Not every painter is going to be Picasso, but not being Picasso doesn’t mean one shouldn’t paint.

[Anonymous]

I want to learn to sing. I will not sing competitively or in a group or for money. I just want to get better at it. By your metric, I will get no ROI, but the enjoyment I will get from being a more confident singer will be an ROI.

Sports gave them confidence, the ability to handle loss gracefully (hopefully), coordination, and enjoyment. Those are worth something. Brain formation is shaped by experience so the experience of playing an instrument and reading music impacted them.

Hopefully having an enjoyable childhood and being successful adults, and all those experiences contribute to that, is enough of an ROI to make it worth while.

[Anonymous]

Really depends on how much money and how you went about it.

I personally think spending money to encourage interests is always money well spent, even if they don’t keep it up. Learning to play an instrument teaches an appreciation for music (and for a broader variety of music too, usually). And it’s good for brain development and dexterity. Those are all. Things you child will have long. After they stop playing. I think if a child expresses an interest in music, it would be negligent not to find done way to encourage it, within whatever your means are.

I feel similarly about sports, dance, and other activities. It encourages passion, discipline, exposure to different people and influences, collaboration... all wonderful whether it lasts a year or 10 or 40.

The stuff I don’t think is worth it is when it spills over into “I need to facilitate my child competing in this activity at a high level.” Travel team sports are the biggest example for me. I think 9 times out of 10, that’s not worth the financial and time investment. It impacts the entire family. If you have an only and they genuinely love it, ok. But if the sports travel is going to destroy every weekend for the duration of the season, force siblings to spend lots of time doing homework behind the bleachers or away from the parent who travels, etc., it does not seem worth it at all. I would only do this if my child was truly elite and they really wanted to. Otherwise... look, there are ways to play a sport without making it your whole life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the return on investment is that they are happy and hard working adults. A lot of the purpose behind those activities is keeping the kid busy to keep them from getting into trouble. Idle hands are the devil’s playground. The hard thing about parenting is that it isn’t a linear graph to show what the thing was that kept them from avoiding a bad situation or taught them a life lesson. So bottom line I think is that you did the best you could with what you had and your kids turned out great. Not every painter is going to be Picasso, but not being Picasso doesn’t mean one shouldn’t paint.

This. You were basically paying to keep them occupied and non-destructive members of society.

Also one thing the pandemic has taught me is that all those random sports clubs and after-school activities actually keep kids healthy and slim. There are a lot more fat tweens and teens in my group than used to be because they're all sitting at home 24/7.

Since gyms and health clubs are closed or severely restricted as well - same goes for parents.

[Anonymous]

No use worrying about it now... Move on.

[Anonymous]

They may well pick back up some of those interests later in life.

Why regret a penny you spent on things your kids enjoyed?

[Anonymous]

Think about what they did get out of the activities that they will be using for the rest of their lives - things like discipline, being a team player, learning how to work hard at something and keep at it, etc.

[Anonymous]

I value every activity that I was in as a kid - they gave me skills, confidence, and joy of things. Only exception was piano - hated taking pains! But I still appreciate the skill.

[Anonymous]

I think you misunderstood what you were investing in.

[Anonymous]

+1 for the comments about travel sports. I did not want to devote my life to the sport. The expense was not worth the gain. IMO, the majority of the travel parents are in a special class of parenting and I didn't want to risk exposure to toxicity. DC thrived and was at the top of the SYC leagues and school teams, and was always sought after. We've spoken as adults, and DC is glad she didn't join the travelites.

[Anonymous]

No point and a huge waste of money pushing kids who are only average/below average in sports. But, instead of dwelling on it, maybe be thankful for all that time you spent with them and the memories made. It's not something you should regret, at this point in time.

[Anonymous]

I often think about the commencement speech Steve Jobs gave years ago where he talked about how he took a calligraphy course in college and eventually used the skills from that course to help design the fonts for the Mac.

I think our lives are full of moments like that where we get inspiration and knowledge from unlikely places and often don't see a ROI on it until years later.

I'm sure your kids are better off due to those experiences.

[Anonymous]

My kid does a sport and instrument. We don't expect them to continue in college and they are not competitive or "good" at the sport but it is good exercise and many other things. Why not encourage your kids interests if you can afford it and have the time.