Regrets spending so much money on kids’ activities

[Anonymous]

I have very little natural talent for the piano, yet I played it for 11 years. I'm 42, and one of the things I'm most proud of is that I gave my senior recital...even though I haven't played since.

I can't speak to whether you should have spent your money in other ways, but I can speak to the fact that ROI on kids' activities can take multiple forms. I no longer play the sports I played as a kid, but I am very active and fit...and I'm pretty sure that growing up playing a sport and practicing every day contributed to what I view as normal. Also, one of my BFF's in the world is a friend I grew close to through my sport. She probably saved my life in college, when I was seriously depressed and she reached out at just the right time. I understand and appreciate classical music, because of the music theory my piano teacher taught me.

Your kids may never tell you, but they probably appreciate that you provided them so many opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are young adults now. Looking back, we spent large sums of money on music and sports lessons, equipment, travel, camps, etc. And the time and gas involved. We let them pursue whatever interest they had and did not push them into anything in particular. However, we did have to remind them to practice because we weren’t going to pay for them to half ass something. They chose to continue in whatever activities knowing that they had to at least try their best. They were pretty good at whatever they did, but not the best. After they went to college, they quit their instruments and sports and other clubs altogether. I think they just didn’t have the time anymore. They are doing well so that is not the concern. Rather I wonder if we could have saved money or bought things for myself rather than spend large sums on things that ultimately don’t show ROI on the face of it. I wonder if I was a sucker to the competitive child-rearing atmosphere in DC.

You criticized the competitive child-rearing atmosphere in DC, but you've still bought into the mindset. Why must there be a ROI for everything? Must we calculate everything in life in terms of investment? Your kids explored their interests as kids and enjoyed them. They turned out well as adults. Isn't that enough?

[Anonymous]

I spend a gazillion dollars on figure skating and for a while I was really upset that DD wasn’t working as hard as other skaters and they were progressing more quickly. I ranted to DH about it and how much money we were spending and he said “look, if it makes her happy, who cares?”

She will never be a great figure skater, and she isn’t highly dedicated, but she loves it and it’s not exactly an unworthy hobby.

Kids don’t do activities because they are going to find lifelong interests and excel at them. They might, but the most important thing is the experience at the time it happens. Think if it like trips you went on. They weren’t useless just because you’re now home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get what you are saying OP. I wish we spent more money traveling as a family to interests places like a safari, or to see the pyramids, or to Surf in Costa Rica than spending all the time and money we spent on sports tournaments, private sports lessons, and teams.

Thanks for this insight. As a mom of 4 (and I was working too) I always felt guilty with the number of activities my kids were in compared to other kids with a SAHP. Deep down I know the kids don’t need so many activities (right now we let the older ones have 1 activity at a time, nothing crazy like travel sports) but that lingering guilt is always there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So? Those of us who didn't do a bunch of activities aren't well rounded?

No, you aren't. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have very little natural talent for the piano, yet I played it for 11 years. I'm 42, and one of the things I'm most proud of is that I gave my senior recital...even though I haven't played since.

I can't speak to whether you should have spent your money in other ways, but I can speak to the fact that ROI on kids' activities can take multiple forms. I no longer play the sports I played as a kid, but I am very active and fit...and I'm pretty sure that growing up playing a sport and practicing every day contributed to what I view as normal. Also, one of my BFF's in the world is a friend I grew close to through my sport. She probably saved my life in college, when I was seriously depressed and she reached out at just the right time. I understand and appreciate classical music, because of the music theory my piano teacher taught me.

Your kids may never tell you, but they probably appreciate that you provided them so many opportunities.

Funny you should say that. A while ago, there was a thread on this board where the poster was complaining that she didn't have any decent extracurriculars growing up and blamed her parents for not providing her with enrichment opportunities!
So, OP, if your children's activities didn't break the bank, why are you complaining? You can't take it with you, you know.

[Anonymous]

Why assume kids even want to do these things? Plenty are forced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So? Those of us who didn't do a bunch of activities aren't well rounded?

No, you aren't. Sorry.[/quote
How incredibly rude and offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1 for the comments about travel sports. I did not want to devote my life to the sport. The expense was not worth the gain. IMO, the majority of the travel parents are in a special class of parenting and I didn't want to risk exposure to toxicity. DC thrived and was at the top of the SYC leagues and school teams, and was always sought after. We've spoken as adults, and DC is glad she didn't join the travelites.

Parents with younger kids pay attention to this.

My kids are grown and travel teams are just not worth it. So many parents, deep, deep down believe their kids have a shot at the pros in whatever sport. So few kids make it even in to college sports and so many who do crap out at that level. I personally know so many parents who regret the money they spent. If you're going to do private lessons or extra lessons, do just enough to ensure your kid makes the team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So? Those of us who didn't do a bunch of activities aren't well rounded?

No, you aren't. Sorry.[/quote
How incredibly rude and offensive.

Agreed. Very rude. The "sports kids" were some of the worst students at my kid's high school. Most parents do the extra stuff just to make sure their kid makes the high school team to pad the kid's resume for college apps. Almost every kid does some kind of sport in hs just for the resume.

[Anonymous]

OP, as many others said a holistic view here would help.

My parents did not have much — they sacrificed for years of music and sports lessons. We never traveled or had any luxuries. By your metric they could have done other things with their money. I was not and will never be an athlete. I went quite far with music, enough to consider conservatory, but eventually dropped it in college. Now however 20 years later I’ve picked it up again and remember how much joy all those years in music camp and symphonies gave me. More than that it instilled intense discipline and a sense of confidence. That has carried over into my career and many other things I do.

Ultimately these things shape character. I see that working with my kids on music now. How to deal with mistakes, how to persevere, how to learn from and with others. They also shape a sense of what an active and meaningful life feels like. I feel lucky to be able to give my kids similar opportunities, especially when the alternative now is hours in front of a gaming screen or on social media. With the pandemic it’s been a lifesaver that they are able to continue music and dance classes online, and feel connected to different active communities.

[Anonymous]

Parents of young kids and OP. This is your answer: https://www.kotb.com.au/i-dont-pay-for-my-childs-dance-classes/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 for the comments about travel sports. I did not want to devote my life to the sport. The expense was not worth the gain. IMO, the majority of the travel parents are in a special class of parenting and I didn't want to risk exposure to toxicity. DC thrived and was at the top of the SYC leagues and school teams, and was always sought after. We've spoken as adults, and DC is glad she didn't join the travelites.

Parents with younger kids pay attention to this.

My kids are grown and travel teams are just not worth it. So many parents, deep, deep down believe their kids have a shot at the pros in whatever sport. So few kids make it even in to college sports and so many who do crap out at that level. I personally know so many parents who regret the money they spent. If you're going to do private lessons or extra lessons, do just enough to ensure your kid makes the team.

In many districts and for the most popular sports, you aren’t making the school team without travel and club sports. Not anymore.

As a travel sport parent, I absolutely acknowledge that there are some that see the dollar signs of scholarships and agree that that is a losing bet for the vast majority of student athletes. I also agree that there are parents who push this world well past the time their child relays that their passion for the activity has dissipated.

But I also see that when your child is devoted to a sport, finds true happiness on those teams, and you can afford the fees, it can be a team building and enriching activity. You just have to have the right mindset about it and be realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents of young kids and OP. This is your answer: https://www.kotb.com.au/i-dont-pay-for-my-childs-dance-classes/

This is so well put! Agree wholeheartedly.
- another dance mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So? Those of us who didn't do a bunch of activities aren't well rounded?

No, you aren't. Sorry.[/quote
How incredibly rude and offensive.

Agreed. Very rude. The "sports kids" were some of the worst students at my kid's high school. Most parents do the extra stuff just to make sure their kid makes the high school team to pad the kid's resume for college apps. Almost every kid does some kind of sport in hs just for the resume.

NP here. The most beautiful, talented, popular, likable and smart soccer stars (plural, and more than three of them, over the years) in my prestigious high school met a terrible demise. I would not wish that on anyone. Terribly sad, truly.