Regrets spending so much money on kids’ activities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So? Those of us who didn't do a bunch of activities aren't well rounded?

Actually yes, that’s what we’ll rounded means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are young adults now. Looking back, we spent large sums of money on music and sports lessons, equipment, travel, camps, etc. And the time and gas involved. We let them pursue whatever interest they had and did not push them into anything in particular. However, we did have to remind them to practice because we weren’t going to pay for them to half ass something. They chose to continue in whatever activities knowing that they had to at least try their best. They were pretty good at whatever they did, but not the best. After they went to college, they quit their instruments and sports and other clubs altogether. I think they just didn’t have the time anymore. They are doing well so that is not the concern. Rather I wonder if we could have saved money or bought things for myself rather than spend large sums on things that ultimately don’t show ROI on the face of it. I wonder if I was a sucker to the competitive child-rearing atmosphere in DC.

You had the luxury of providing that stuff to your kids and they benefitted from it. Be grateful. Every different type of activity people engage in is an opportunity for growth -- intellectual, physical, emotional. They learn different types of coping skills. They learn to work as a team. They learn to persevere and how to actually get better at something. They learn to both succeed and fail with grace. They learn to push their own limits. They learn the importance of committing to something. These are all skills we need forever. In all aspects of life.

This is all good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So? Those of us who didn't do a bunch of activities aren't well rounded?

No, you aren't. Sorry.[/quote
How incredibly rude and offensive.

Agreed. Very rude. The "sports kids" were some of the worst students at my kid's high school. Most parents do the extra stuff just to make sure their kid makes the high school team to pad the kid's resume for college apps. Almost every kid does some kind of sport in hs just for the resume.

Sports are important. It is good for your health, teaches you discipline, and teaches you to work on a team. But sports are just one part of it. Music, volunteering, art, reading. Those are also activities that make a person well rounded.

No one says you have to be on an expensive sports team, just that you go and play with your friends. No one says you have to take expensive music lessons, but you can actually pay attention in music in school.

[Anonymous]

I think it was still worth it, OP. Having basic competence in a bunch of things is good for your brain development and confidence. Not to mention the social skills and resilience they had to learn when they were participating under different teachers/coaches and with different groups of kids. My parents let me try a lot. I'm sure my mom felt that horseback riding was a real burden. The stables were an hour away and it was expensive and I only did it for a year. However, I LOVE that I am comfortable around those big beasts and can go riding for fun every now and then without being scared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you misunderstood what you were investing in.

+1.

In high school, I blossomed from an awkward, unconfident, shy kid into someone poised and confident in himself. I personally owe that to my activities -- in my case, the french horn and tennis. I was never going to be a pro at either, and didn't even pursue either of them in college. But in my case, the "well rounded" thing was true. Learning how to apply myself to something really taught me valuable lessons that helped me become a better person. It would be such a shame to know that my parents were sitting at home saying they didn't get an "ROI" because I didn't become Pete Sampras or join the New York Philharmonic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let. It. Go.

Your kids had a great time doing what they did. Just because it didn't result in a career or scholarship to college does not mean it didn't add value.

This. All those experiences help them learn and grow. That’s what it is about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So? Those of us who didn't do a bunch of activities aren't well rounded?

Actually yes, that’s what we’ll rounded means. [/quote

Wow, you are really something. What an ignorant comment.

[Anonymous]

This is an interesting post. I've been thinking a bit about activities since the pandemic/shutdown has affected us so much. It's been interesting to see how our family works when we do not have the activities to keep us busy.

I agree with those who say pursuing interests is sort of the goal in and of itself. I think part of my job as a parent is to help my kids find out who they are and what they like to do. So for example soccer is not a waste if my kid decides they don't like it (or don't want to continue with it). It's just more experiences and more information for them to have about themselves.

Sports wise, we are not looking to produce college athletes (or professional). Moreso hoping that they stay active throughout their lives.

Also, hopefully my kids know that we will support them with what they want to do... that's important in and of itself.

[Anonymous]

Yes, agree it's about the life skills they teach you--staying active, teamwork, persistence and patience re: improving etc.

[Anonymous]

I think you got it all wrong, OP. You spent money for your kids's well being (mental and physical). They're well adjusted adults now; it's your ROI.

Sound like you spent more than you should, at the expense of your own interests. Maybe to keep up with the Jones.
I would regret too if I were you.

[Anonymous]

I grew up poor in another county and didn't have an opportunity to practice music, any instrument or play any sports other than the most common country sport. Didn't learn swimming either. I turned out fine, I think. LOL

It's not the final milestone that your kids would achieve but the journey and experience they enjoy in learning or hating anything they try.

You did good, OP and thanks for being a good parent to your kid.

[Anonymous]

I can understand what you all are saying to a point. But, what I don't understand is can't kids have all of these wonderful things without activities? Never mind kids who can't do all of these things. What about the ones who don't want to? Is forcing them really going to go well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the return on investment is that they are happy and hard working adults. A lot of the purpose behind those activities is keeping the kid busy to keep them from getting into trouble. Idle hands are the devil’s playground. The hard thing about parenting is that it isn’t a linear graph to show what the thing was that kept them from avoiding a bad situation or taught them a life lesson. So bottom line I think is that you did the best you could with what you had and your kids turned out great. Not every painter is going to be Picasso, but not being Picasso doesn’t mean one shouldn’t paint.

This. you raised well rounded kids

Some of these activities have payoffs as well which are not immediately obvious. I played the piano at a fairly high level (competitions, etc.) and though I am not a musician, I learned:
1. Tricks for memorizing things -- that came in handy in science classes, history classes and language classes. I do think the memory is a muscle and all those years of performing concertos and memorizing them helped me later in this way.
2. How to just sit down and stick to doing something really boring: I was always the best student in my language classes in the foreign service and when others asked me what my secret was, I would literally tell them that I have an extremely high tolerance for boredom and repetition. Suzuki (the Suzuki violin guy) talks about achieving mastery by doing something ten thousand times. It's good to teach little kids early on that some things aren't fun but they're necessary. Eventually they will figure out how to make boring things fun and tricks like breaking a thousand repetitions into groups of a hundred, etc.
3. How to interact with and have conversations with adults: By the time I was in high school I was playing music with college students and grad students and I was able to make an argument for why we should interpret something in a particular way, and I also understood a fair amount about how different people can interpret things differently all based on looking at the same page of music. (This actually came in handy in things like history classes. I could compare and contrast interpretations and understand how they emerged and also was pretty good at arguing for my viewpoint.) I truly feel like my last years as a serious musician were kind of like being in grad school for music, and when I actually went to grad school in something else entirely it felt oddly familiar.

[Anonymous]

You missed the point. You gave your kids a great gift of social and cultural capital. Maybe one day if they have enough money like you did, they will do the same for your grandkids.

I wonder if there is something else going on here. Are you otherwise disappointed in your kids? Yourself?

[Anonymous]

You bought memories. Even nagging them to practice is a memory they will always have. Totally worth it!