My son is short - help me get over it please

[Anonymous]

One of my kids is really short. 7th percentile for height. I’ve taken him for medical testing and there’s no hormonal problem, so he doesn’t qualify for growth hormone. I’ve focused on dietary supplements, but he’s a terrible eater. My other three kids are average height with one being very tall. I am short myself, but I always thought the “short genes” only ran with the women in our family since the men are all over 5’9” and my dad is 6’2”. My husband is 6’0”.

My son who is short is only 7 years old. But, at this point, with no medical problem and with his growth remaining around the 10th percentile for four years, I’m coming to realize I need to accept the fact that he’s just really small. If he stays at this percentile, the doctor predicts he will be 5’6”. It makes me feel really sad and anxious when I see him with the other boys his age and he’s a lot smaller than them. He’s also not really athletic.

He’s very smart, adorable, funny, kind. He’s an incredible kid and I feel like a total jerk for not being able to accept the blessing of a healthy child and instead feeling so upset inside about his height. There are a lot of societal stereotypes about short people and dating is hard for short men. I’m worried about teasing and him being made fun of, even as an older man.

Can someone please provide me with any helpful thoughts or wisdom to work my way through this? I hate feeling this way and just want to give him the love he deserves.

[Anonymous]

Your son is SEVEN!!!! Please get help for your anxiety. The fact that you can't love him is unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

You’re nuts. My son is also short. Who cares? Is this a troll? If not, get some therapy.

[Anonymous]

You need to stop worrying and make him know that being kind and the best person he can be is all that matters. I am 5’3” and dated a guy who was 5’5”. He treated me like a princess and never once made an issue about his height. He eventually married someone else. He was always so self confident — Navy guy, etc. He never complained about his height because he did not see this as an issue.

Also remember a late night dorm conversation with a guy who was very good looking but short. He was depressed about being short in college. I told him that he could never change his height so he should accept it and not spend time being depressed about it.

I recommend that you not focus on your son’s height but bolster his self confidence in other ways. His future girlfriends will thank you.

[Anonymous]

The Homecoming King at the nearby HS last year was about 5’5/5’6 tops. He has a girlfriend. I don’t think his height has stopped him from being well-liked and popular.

[Anonymous]

My DH is short. So am I. I always preferred short men.

My DH is also athletic and quite good looking, imo. He’s also a successful, high earning man, and most importantly he is kind and loving.

Many things are more important than height.

[Anonymous]

Blessing in disguise. He will find a partner who is a good and loving person. Not some shallow one who wants a tall man on their arm. Most of the women I knew in college who were crazy about dating tall guys were stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Blessing in disguise. He will find a partner who is a good and loving person. Not some shallow one who wants a tall man on their arm. Most of the women I knew in college who were crazy about dating tall guys were stupid.

NP. I know this is a massive over-generalization but i think guys who have the benefit of society’s favoritism towards their height tend to kind of coast on in instead of developing more fun and interesting personalities. Some short guys do the inverse and just become bitter but as far as personalities go, I prefer short men. DH is 5’6 and my awesome brother is 5’6, and neither has had a problem in their personal or professional lives.

Please be sure you don’t give any indication that his height is a negative attribute. It’s like a girl’s weight: society will give them crap for it so they really need a safe haven at home.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s normal to worry about how something like this might be hard on him in some settings, I think the more you can genuinely work on this in yourself the better off he will be otherwise he will pick up on some of your fears/potential pity/worry. My husband is 5’6 and my dad is 6’5 (along with the rest of the men in my family) so just saying I was very used to being around tall men and it still didn’t matter. And it truly doesn’t seem to bother my husband. He’s like cool I’m short. Some people are tall. His family never made a deal about it and it just was the way it was.

If he has moments in high school or middle school where he struggles with it (especially having tall brothers) be empathic, listen, but not overly like “don’t worry!!! You’ll still be able to date!!” Because I think that will come across as yes I agree this is kind of a problem but you’re still goi to be ok. Instead, listen, reflect back, say woof sweetie I know it can be so hard when you feel different. What is it your most worried about? And keep asking questions like that, help him through his worries. Also know he may never have these worries! I’m not kidding that my husband does not care.

It matters so much less once in adulthood. So focus on working on yourself and your perceptions of short men, which it sounds like you’re doing. My husband is kind and a great father and I wouldn’t take a tall guy over him any day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is short. So am I. I always preferred short men.

My DH is also athletic and quite good looking, imo. He’s also a successful, high earning man, and most importantly he is kind and loving.

Many things are more important than height.

I could have written this.

OP: I’m glad you recognize this is an unnecessary and probably damaging hangup. I am glad your son has a parent who is looking to change her attitude to make his life better.

[Anonymous]

Also start working on making sure you and your family as a family rule don’t talk about and comment on other people’s bodies. I think that’s how my husbands house was such a safe place. They truly do not comment on people’s bodies - not those in their home, not extended family, not people on the street. Good and bad. Bodies are bodies and we feed them well and move them to our enjoyment is how they live their life and it creates such a safe spot! You may think you don’t do this too but after being around my husbands family I realized how much my family actually does make comments in subtle ways. Not saying oh that person is fat! Of course, but in more subtle ways that tell you how different bodies rank. So start paying attention and you will probably notice ways you are relating what are ideal bodies (this is the same for weight, you shouldn’t be relaying that a certain weight is ideal either, health and weight are not synonymous so focus on behaviors like finding ways you enjoy moving your body etc). Don’t comment on each other’s bodies if at all possible.

[Anonymous]

Lots of successful, attractive short men out there! This is not as big of a problem as you think it is, OP. My cousin is 5’7” and he’s handsome, ex-fighter pilot, with a wife who is a bit taller than him. And, FWIW I don’t think 5’6” is all that short.

[Anonymous]

I think what would be more messed up for him in the long term - would be your thinking there’s something wrong with being short rather than actually being short.

I have one son who is 30th percentile and you do have to deal with kids saying you’re short or whatever but I say things like - good things come in small packages etc. And even when someone says you’re pretty or whatever to one of the kids - I say the real Forrest Gump says “pretty is as pretty does and the most important thing is how you treat people.”

My (shorter) son is very sweet and smart. He is not the coolest kid but I think moms these days know what’s up. My friend told her daughter not to “sleep on” boys like my son and that you’re going to want the nice, smart ones in the long term LOL.

When I met husband - I was told in advance - he was good looking but a little short. When I opened the door - I was like, I guess this is him, haha. I guess I am assuming it will be like that for this son I’m speaking of most likely.

Oh well - it’s like - this is who you are and you’re great. Everyone’s different. No one is better.

[Anonymous]

If you have a bunch of kids the chances are some of them will be outliers in some regard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Homecoming King at the nearby HS last year was about 5’5/5’6 tops. He has a girlfriend. I don’t think his height has stopped him from being well-liked and popular.

Mine was too (20 years ago). His height never stopped his popularity, athletic abilities, intellect - and everyone agreed how good looking he was. He was the whole package, and very kind too which is of course the most important thing.