Narcissist vs control freak
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Anonymous
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I’d like to know how many of you ever dated or still are a narcissist or control freak?
And what’s the difference really? And how do you handle your spouse/gf/bf? Or how did you leave them? Thank you in advance! |
Anonymous
| Dated a man who showed up at at my office during negotiation meeting because I did not answer his text messages in a timely manner. He worked on the other side of town. Red flag he was a control freak. Highly insecure man. |
Anonymous
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I became involved with a coworker, who I later realized was a Narcissist. She tipped me off by mentioning her "Narcissistic tendencies". We were having trouble like I've never experienced in a relationship before, so I Googled, "Relationship with Narcissist", which really opened my eyes. I learned they're simply not capable of healthy relationships. The only (final) solution is to go No Contact with them. Do some research. There are a ton of helpful "Surviving Narcissistic Abuse" videos on YouTube, but they'll invariably tell you to get out of the relationship because it was hopeless from the start. Sorry, OP. |
Anonymous
| I dated a narcissist. Besides his constant and overt arrogance in settings with others, he consistently attempted to tear me down in blatant attempts to make himself superior. After seeking some therapy years later, it became very clear it was very emotionally abusive. He would do anything to bolster his own ego, regardless of the impacts on anyone else. |
Anonymous
| I’m a mild narcissist nearing 40 exciting and mostly wonderful years together with a moderate control freak. NPD/BPD |
Anonymous
| There's a lot of overlap. My mother is both. The two things feed each other. |
Anonymous
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Practically speaking, I'm not sure it makes a difference. I have self-diagnosed my XH as more controlling than narcissistic because I think denigrating me was a side effect of his need for controlling his environment, rather than the goal of his behavior.
In any case, when I left, I did so in the "dead of day" without giving him notice. Rented an apartment without telling him, emptied half the bank account, hired movers to take half the furniture, and was gone by the time he got home from work. |
Anonymous
My nightmare couple friends! |
Anonymous
Can you describe what a mild narcissist is? And who has BPD? How do you make your relationship work? |
Anonymous
There’s a body of work on these couples: https://www.google.com/search?q=narcissist+bpd+couples&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari And regarding “mild,” haven’t you heard that there’s such a thing as healthy levels of narcissism, and of course any disorder can range in severity. |
Anonymous
Good for you OP. That’s incredible as the pattern of abuse makes it hard for partners to leave narcissists. You’ve given many people hope with this post. |
Anonymous
| Oh I dated one, and happy to answer any questions you might have, because a narcissist will F you up for a long, long time and they can also be a control freak. They come on very strong in the beginning, make you feel like the center of the universe, romance you, take up all your time, slowly start to remove "the chaff" from your life - meaning all your less than "useful" friends, while trying to manipulate the "useful" ones, start making little comments to keep you in check and off balance, and slowly start to make you feel like you are going crazy and losing your mind, plays all kinds of manipulative mind games to make you feel insecure and unbalanced even if you were never insecure before. And then all of a sudden, when they feel like you are not giving them the 200% adoration/attention that they desperately need at all times, they can switch everything off like a light switch. |
Anonymous
Oh how to end a relationship with one - ending a relationship with a narcissist is excruciatingly painful. The only way is to go no-contact, because they will still try to control you, manipulate you, try to get their claws in your head to still mess with your head. They want to "stay friends." They will try to get their claws in on your friends as well - some friends you might just have to give up, because they are under his spell. If you are still in the same social circles, you can still be civil but refrain from giving them any satisfaction - don't give them any information because they will use it against you. |
Anonymous
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Yes. I divorced an actively alcoholic narcissist.
Love bombing so intense. I remember when he tried to say/.tease me into saying "I love you" two weeks in. I was 28/ This should have been a huge huge red flag. I bought the tripe of "when you know you know!" I thought he loved me, he loved all that I represented. I had confidence and other attributes he wanted to possess. I dont think he ever loved me, he loved what I reflected about HIM> We had three kids and the pattern of abuse and discard started. Walking on eggshellls. Realizing he held grudges (and carefully nurtured them) from a decade ago. Unpredicable rage. Gaslighting. Removed the kids and I from family who saw what was going on and were trying to help via a job transfer. Escalating abuse, devaluation, fear. Constant threats of "You are nothing without me, who would want you, you are invisible you are broken you are worthless". He discarded us, took evey joint penny he could get, came after my family money. He slandered me and maligned me in my community. He split the kids and I off from any contact with his family of origin. He spent 30 mos and $300,000 on a divorce ~ that was money he needed more than me. The more he tried to hurt me and I'd survive, the more he had to hurt me. There is no winning. There isnt even losing. There is no point in explaining, in justifying, in laying down and dying. No point. You have to go non contact. I wanted to die a thousand times over. I dont know that I will ever get "over" the way a narc exploded my life, I dont know that I will ever recover. Once youve seen the mask of the person you thought you loved being removed to reveal an actual monster underneath, you have little interest in even entertaining that ever again. I think he permanently broke me, but I am a strong, resourceful woman. I have three kids I need to show up for everyday, so I can't be broken....but damn do I feel that way most of the time. I survived and I am proud of that. |
Anonymous
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I think narcissists are controlling, but control freaks aren’t necessarily narcissists.
A narcissists is doing things to throw you off balance—intense love immediately followed by intense hatred. Making you feel crazy and that you are losing your mind. A control freak is trying to control their anxiety by controlling their environment. And will feel more consistent in their controlling (unlike a narcissist who is always changing the rules and expectations). So a control freak might insist on being the one who drives. And always needs to be that person. And if you drive, will be a back seat driver because they feel out of control. A narcissists will insist on always driving because he’s trying to convince you what a gentleman he is. After some time, he’ll start attacking you for never driving. Why does he always have to be the one who drives? Then you drive and he starts cutting you down about how you drive. (Notice the control freak isn’t cutting you down, just telling you how to drive. “Slow down” vs “You are so stupid you don’t even know that you need to slow down”. ) Then will insist that he do all the driving because you are an idiot who can’t drive. The actions might be similar, but the intention is different. |