Fostering as a single parent

[Anonymous]

Has anyone done this? Will you get approved as a foster as a single? I'm a single mom of three with a great career and I would love to devote myself to also helping kids in need. I'm financially blessed and have happy, good kids. Anyone done this? Am I nuts?

Open to constructive criticism or any thoughts you might have, Please dont be unkind, I dont want to partner up again till my kids (13-10) have left the house, so I think that helping others could be a great way to make a meaningful contribution to society.

[Anonymous]

You totally can foster as a single mom, but be prepared with a good explanation of how you will handle so many kids of different ages. Paid help is fine.

If you are only willing to foster one child at a time that may make it harder to get placements, especially if you don't want to take infants.

[Anonymous]

People do it but its very hard if you have a "great" career in less you hire a nanny especially with three kids. The kids will probably have weekly family visits, lots of medical/dental appointments at first and can have weekly (or more) mental health, speech and ot therapies. Can you handle doing all that driving with 4-5 kids and a full-time job? You are probably better off waiting until your kids are in college and you have the time as its a very different need/parenting. Its a wonderful thing to do but it doesn't sound realistic as its not as simple as just having one more child in your house as these kid may have a lot of needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People do it but its very hard if you have a "great" career in less you hire a nanny especially with three kids. The kids will probably have weekly family visits, lots of medical/dental appointments at first and can have weekly (or more) mental health, speech and ot therapies. Can you handle doing all that driving with 4-5 kids and a full-time job? You are probably better off waiting until your kids are in college and you have the time as its a very different need/parenting. Its a wonderful thing to do but it doesn't sound realistic as its not as simple as just having one more child in your house as these kid may have a lot of needs.

Thanks that is a good point. I have a nanny but would switch to a live in au pair if I fostered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You totally can foster as a single mom, but be prepared with a good explanation of how you will handle so many kids of different ages. Paid help is fine.

If you are only willing to foster one child at a time that may make it harder to get placements, especially if you don't want to take infants.

Is it odd that infants are who I would most want?

[Anonymous]

You can always sign up for emergency placement or respite care. That way you only have a foster child (or baby) for short placements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People do it but its very hard if you have a "great" career in less you hire a nanny especially with three kids. The kids will probably have weekly family visits, lots of medical/dental appointments at first and can have weekly (or more) mental health, speech and ot therapies. Can you handle doing all that driving with 4-5 kids and a full-time job? You are probably better off waiting until your kids are in college and you have the time as its a very different need/parenting. Its a wonderful thing to do but it doesn't sound realistic as its not as simple as just having one more child in your house as these kid may have a lot of needs.

Thanks that is a good point. I have a nanny but would switch to a live in au pair if I fostered.

Is an au pair going to be qualified to handle a foster kid with emotional disregulation, emotional problems, etc? Your au pair from another country is going to be cool with an 8 yr old raging, screaming, breaking glass, running away, physically attacking her/him and the older siblings? That's a HELL of a lot to dump on an au pair. If I owned an au pair company and you did that through my company, I'd blacklist you. Not saying this to be cruel, but so you can be realistic.

[Anonymous]

Lots of single foster parents. Some are retired or otherwise don't work (get public assistance). I think you would get approved. The question is just whether you have enough flexibility with your job: can you go to IEP meetings? Pick a kid up from school? Go to therapy? Court? Caseworker meetings? Family visits? Assume the kid will need a lot of your time during 9-5.

Also make sure your kids are on board with this. If they get really attached to the foster child it may be hard for them to see the kid visit with or reunite with family. And if the kid has behaviors that disrupt your family, that's hard too.

I'd suggest serving as a respite caregiver or approved babysitter for foster families first, to see what it's like. Get to know foster families in your area. You'll want the support and it will help you decide if you want this. It's really important to have good foster families and I'm glad you want to do this, but you will also be inviting a lot of chaos into your lives from the kids, their families, and (sometimes most of all) the system itself.

--former foster parent (not single though). Now I volunteer with DC127 to help kids avoid going into foster care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People do it but its very hard if you have a "great" career in less you hire a nanny especially with three kids. The kids will probably have weekly family visits, lots of medical/dental appointments at first and can have weekly (or more) mental health, speech and ot therapies. Can you handle doing all that driving with 4-5 kids and a full-time job? You are probably better off waiting until your kids are in college and you have the time as its a very different need/parenting. Its a wonderful thing to do but it doesn't sound realistic as its not as simple as just having one more child in your house as these kid may have a lot of needs.

Thanks that is a good point. I have a nanny but would switch to a live in au pair if I fostered.

You'd have to check guidelines as there are rules about who can take care of a foster child and they'd have to go through background and other checks as well. Can one person handle multiple appointments per week for one child PLUS all your kids needs? Fostering is a wonderful thing to do but depending on the child/family situation if you want to give them a good life (which it sounds like) vs. the absolute minimum its a lot of work. Wait till your kids are older as they need your attention too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of single foster parents. Some are retired or otherwise don't work (get public assistance). I think you would get approved. The question is just whether you have enough flexibility with your job: can you go to IEP meetings? Pick a kid up from school? Go to therapy? Court? Caseworker meetings? Family visits? Assume the kid will need a lot of your time during 9-5.

Also make sure your kids are on board with this. If they get really attached to the foster child it may be hard for them to see the kid visit with or reunite with family. And if the kid has behaviors that disrupt your family, that's hard too.

I'd suggest serving as a respite caregiver or approved babysitter for foster families first, to see what it's like. Get to know foster families in your area. You'll want the support and it will help you decide if you want this. It's really important to have good foster families and I'm glad you want to do this, but you will also be inviting a lot of chaos into your lives from the kids, their families, and (sometimes most of all) the system itself.

--former foster parent (not single though). Now I volunteer with DC127 to help kids avoid going into foster care.

Foster parents have to have an income and not be on public assistance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You totally can foster as a single mom, but be prepared with a good explanation of how you will handle so many kids of different ages. Paid help is fine.

If you are only willing to foster one child at a time that may make it harder to get placements, especially if you don't want to take infants.

Is it odd that infants are who I would most want?

It's not odd, but there aren't that many babies in care without siblings, and the goal is to keep siblings together. Also a newborn can't go to day care for 6-8 weeks (longer if there are medical problems) so you'd need to figure out who will watch the baby.

Depending on where you live, private adoption agencies sometimes need interim families for kids whose parents plan to place them for adoption. The baby goes to the interim family during the period where the parents are allowed to rescind their adoption plan--usually 30 days. If they rescind, the baby goes back to parents. If they don't, the baby goes to an adoptive family.

But this only works if you can care for a newborn and definitely do not want to keep the baby past that recission period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of single foster parents. Some are retired or otherwise don't work (get public assistance). I think you would get approved. The question is just whether you have enough flexibility with your job: can you go to IEP meetings? Pick a kid up from school? Go to therapy? Court? Caseworker meetings? Family visits? Assume the kid will need a lot of your time during 9-5.

Also make sure your kids are on board with this. If they get really attached to the foster child it may be hard for them to see the kid visit with or reunite with family. And if the kid has behaviors that disrupt your family, that's hard too.

I'd suggest serving as a respite caregiver or approved babysitter for foster families first, to see what it's like. Get to know foster families in your area. You'll want the support and it will help you decide if you want this. It's really important to have good foster families and I'm glad you want to do this, but you will also be inviting a lot of chaos into your lives from the kids, their families, and (sometimes most of all) the system itself.

--former foster parent (not single though). Now I volunteer with DC127 to help kids avoid going into foster care.

Foster parents have to have an income and not be on public assistance.

It really depends on the state laws and the licensing agency. Foster parents have to be financially stable. But some people who get SSI and food stamps are financially stable. A lot of NYC foster parents live in public housing. Anyway, this is not super relevant to OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You totally can foster as a single mom, but be prepared with a good explanation of how you will handle so many kids of different ages. Paid help is fine.

If you are only willing to foster one child at a time that may make it harder to get placements, especially if you don't want to take infants.

Is it odd that infants are who I would most want?

No, but there are very few infants depending on the county/area so don't count on it. You really need to foster any child offered to build a relationship to then get your child preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of single foster parents. Some are retired or otherwise don't work (get public assistance). I think you would get approved. The question is just whether you have enough flexibility with your job: can you go to IEP meetings? Pick a kid up from school? Go to therapy? Court? Caseworker meetings? Family visits? Assume the kid will need a lot of your time during 9-5.

Also make sure your kids are on board with this. If they get really attached to the foster child it may be hard for them to see the kid visit with or reunite with family. And if the kid has behaviors that disrupt your family, that's hard too.

I'd suggest serving as a respite caregiver or approved babysitter for foster families first, to see what it's like. Get to know foster families in your area. You'll want the support and it will help you decide if you want this. It's really important to have good foster families and I'm glad you want to do this, but you will also be inviting a lot of chaos into your lives from the kids, their families, and (sometimes most of all) the system itself.

--former foster parent (not single though). Now I volunteer with DC127 to help kids avoid going into foster care.

Foster parents have to have an income and not be on public assistance.

It really depends on the state laws and the licensing agency. Foster parents have to be financially stable. But some people who get SSI and food stamps are financially stable. A lot of NYC foster parents live in public housing. Anyway, this is not super relevant to OP.

Maybe in NY but not in this area. I was a foster care worker for many years. We had families on social security but never public assistance. But, completely not relevant. The issue for OP is really time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People do it but its very hard if you have a "great" career in less you hire a nanny especially with three kids. The kids will probably have weekly family visits, lots of medical/dental appointments at first and can have weekly (or more) mental health, speech and ot therapies. Can you handle doing all that driving with 4-5 kids and a full-time job? You are probably better off waiting until your kids are in college and you have the time as its a very different need/parenting. Its a wonderful thing to do but it doesn't sound realistic as its not as simple as just having one more child in your house as these kid may have a lot of needs.

Thanks that is a good point. I have a nanny but would switch to a live in au pair if I fostered.

That is A LOT to put on an au pair.