Separate meals for the teenager?

[Anonymous]

A question for parents of teens, past and present.

What happens when your teen doesn't want the meal that is being planned/cooked? My theory has always been, as it was growing up, "You eat what the family is having, or you go without (or maybe you eat some fresh fruit as your meal)." That's the way it was growing up for me. The added bonus for my kid (over me as a kid) is that my wife (cooks three nights a week) and I (cook four nights a week) are much better cooks than my mom (seven nights a week) and dad (never) were.

When our daughter was younger, there were some dishes that were a stretch for her taste buds (e.g. a spicy Indian dish) that we didn't expect her to eat, so we substituted other things. Now that she's older, she can handle dishes like that.

Still, at least half the time, kid refuses to eat what is being planned and demands something else. Wife thinks this is fine ("she shouldn't have to eat something she doesn't want.")

Hence, two dinner meals are often cooked. One for the adults and one for the kid. Actually, this happens three times a day...I typically eat cereal for breakfast and a dinner leftover for lunch, while kid refuses to eat cereal or leftovers of any kind and expects a cooked breakfast (or at least a blended smoothie) and a cooked lunch. (And if course i get bitched at by my wife, because my kid refuses to eat anything i offer, so the breakfast and lunch duties fall to her, and that's somehow my fault.)

Is this normal and acceptable at this age?

[Anonymous]

It's okay by me but I'm not cooking another meal. My 13yr old is welcome to make herself anything she wants for dinner.

[Anonymous]

My 14-year old is responsible for making his own breakfast and lunch, so he gets to eats exactly what he wants.
For dinner, I involve him in meal planning, so he gets some days of meals he really loves, and some days that aren’t so great from his perspective. I don’t make him an entirely different meal, though I do sometimes make variations. Like pasta, where I make classic spaghetti sauce for him, but will toss my pasta with pesto.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you ask what your teen wants for dinner for the upcoming week? Does everything have to be "my way or the highway"?

Respect her decision especially if it's reasonable. Hec, not everyone likes XYZ food. I hate scallops. The smell, the texture, the look, the taste, everything. That's just me. It's not an uncommon thing.

Do you have any alternatives on hand - a bag of prepped salad and bread for grilled cheese, for example, for the days when you're eating, say, spicy Indian food that she hates?


Surely, you have food preferences yourself, no? Surely, there are certain dishes, flavors, ethnic foods, etc. that you don't like.

[Anonymous]

Teen needs to make dinner at least once a week for the whole family. She is responsible for her own breakfast and lunches.

[Anonymous]

No way would I put up with this. My child is 12 and makes breakfast and lunch for herself. Dinner is whatever I make and if she doesn't want it she can make herself a sandwich or microwave something. I will occasionally, a few times a month, make an alternative if she's sick, feeling down or celebrating an occasion.
Like PP above I do modify some dishes - more or less spice, different sauce - if it's easy to do and I know her preference beforehand.
I do ask her what types of things she wants when I'm shopping and take that into account.

[Anonymous]

Does she know how to cook?

I would allow my teen to make whatever they wanted (within reason) if they didn’t like what was being served. There is no way in hell *I* would be cooking extra meals several times a day for a teen. She should be able to eat whatever for breakfast - cereal, a smoothie, bacon and eggs, or whatever, as long as she fixes it. Don’t want leftovers for lunch? Fine - make yourself soup or grilled cheese.

She also needs to cook dinner at least once a week.

But...she’s doing this because she can. You need to let go of her eating what you fix - she doesn’t have to, but that doesn’t mean you or your wife have to fix her something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you ask what your teen wants for dinner for the upcoming week? Does everything have to be "my way or the highway"?

Respect her decision especially if it's reasonable. Hec, not everyone likes XYZ food. I hate scallops. The smell, the texture, the look, the taste, everything. That's just me. It's not an uncommon thing.

Do you have any alternatives on hand - a bag of prepped salad and bread for grilled cheese, for example, for the days when you're eating, say, spicy Indian food that she hates?


Surely, you have food preferences yourself, no? Surely, there are certain dishes, flavors, ethnic foods, etc. that you don't like.

OP here. My kid refuses to eat grilled cheese or salad. Offering those as an option isn't an option. I know those two things are just random examples, but they're also random examples of her limited palate. We're also vegetarian (eat seafood), so further limited for that reason.

[Anonymous]

Cooking and nutrition are important life skills. Better late than never to start teaching her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she know how to cook?

I would allow my teen to make whatever they wanted (within reason) if they didn’t like what was being served. There is no way in hell *I* would be cooking extra meals several times a day for a teen. She should be able to eat whatever for breakfast - cereal, a smoothie, bacon and eggs, or whatever, as long as she fixes it. Don’t want leftovers for lunch? Fine - make yourself soup or grilled cheese.

She also needs to cook dinner at least once a week.

But...she’s doing this because she can. You need to let go of her eating what you fix - she doesn’t have to, but that doesn’t mean you or your wife have to fix her something else.

OP here. Yes, kid knows how to cook, to a degree. She's just lazy, and has a limited palate, and expects her parents to serve her. Wife seems to be ok with that, and seems to expect me to be as well. Maybe this post belongs in the relationship category, although it's an issue of different parenting styles as applied to a difficult kid.

[Anonymous]

We don't 'cook' breakfast on weekdays. My kids don't like cereal either, but they know where to find bread for toast, or leftover waffles in the freezer, or hard boiled eggs in the fridge. They don't eat a whole lot before school, but lunch break is around 11am so that's OK.

Lunch - if I'm around I'll offer more of what I'm making for myself (usually heating up leftovers, sometimes a grilled cheese or bowl of soup). They can take that, or make their own sandwich.

Dinner - I give everyone an input into meal planning. If they have a specific request, I'll include it in the plan (within reason). If I'm making something that they won't eat, I try to include side dishes that they will eat, and if they want more than that, they can find something for themselves.

No way am I cooking separate, special meals for one kid.

[Anonymous]

You are setting her up to be a spoiled brat for the rest of her life. Make her cook on her own if she doesn't like the offering.

[Anonymous]

If a teenager doesn't want to eat what's being served for dinner they can cook AND clean up whatever they want to make as long as it involves protein and vegetables.

I do not cook any sort of "full breakfast" - everyone is getting their own by the age of about 5 or 6.

[Anonymous]

Give her some ideas as to what she can do with her limited palate and your vegetarian lifestyle.

Does she like pasta? There are tons of recipes you can incorporate pasta that isn't just spaghetti marinara.

Same goes for beans, soups, breads, and the like. Maybe post on the Food Forum for more meal ideas.

Get her involved though. She might like the autonomy.

[Anonymous]

I cook dinner and they don’t always eat it but I don’t make something different.

Often they eat my dinner and something else since they need more calories.

Sometimes I make them dinner that is higher in calories and more their “type of good” and I only eat a salad or bowl of soup or cottage cheese because I’m not that hungry or can’t eat that much fat or carbs.

I think it’s insane to expect everybody to eat the same thing every dinner.