Separate meals for the teenager?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a teenager this is too much.

You need to have a heart to heart with your wife. Say you do not agree with making separate meals for the teen. If wife wants to baby the teen that’s on her. You think it’s bad parenting and you’re not going to enable or participate in this. Say you acknowledge that you can’t stop wife from doing it.

I don't have a choice but participate in it. If I don't, it's "I do more work than you (her job requires longer hours), you need to step up and do your fair share."....which I agree with...I just don't think creating more work in the name of spoiling a kid is a good way to do my fair share.

[Anonymous]

Everyone eats my dinner.

I make some accomodations to taste (teen has a small list of things he isn't required to eat, so if I really want eggplant, I make two meals and I won't chop mushrooms too small to pick out).

From the time he was two I said "eating is to nourish your body. It isn't entertainment."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone eats my dinner.

I make some accomodations to taste (teen has a small list of things he isn't required to eat, so if I really want eggplant, I make two meals and I won't chop mushrooms too small to pick out).

From the time he was two I said "eating is to nourish your body. It isn't entertainment."

What about when your partner cooks? Same rules?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a teenager this is too much.

You need to have a heart to heart with your wife. Say you do not agree with making separate meals for the teen. If wife wants to baby the teen that’s on her. You think it’s bad parenting and you’re not going to enable or participate in this. Say you acknowledge that you can’t stop wife from doing it.

I don't have a choice but participate in it. If I don't, it's "I do more work than you (her job requires longer hours), you need to step up and do your fair share."....which I agree with...I just don't think creating more work in the name of spoiling a kid is a good way to do my fair share.

Then why not have your teen do chores with you while your wife is working her longer hours? Or you and teen make dinner together so it is ready when your wife is done with work? Of course your teen may hate it, but since you are mad at your wife for not enforcing your ideas on how much work your teen should do, I am sure you are ready to step up and enforce the chores you expect your daughter to do, right? I'm pretty sure that if you start making your teen do the laundry or mow the lawn or what not while your wife is working (not while she is off the clock and relaxing - don't give your daughter the opportunity to guilt her mom) you wife will not object.

[Anonymous]

My kids almost always eat separate meals since one is a pasta loving carnivore and the other is a vegetarian with dietary restrictions. What I do is cook for one of them each night. The other can 1) make their own meal or 2) choose something from the freezer - I purposely do a lot of batch cooking so that I can freeze individual portions for this purpose.

I know that I have preferences, so I understand that my kids do as well. It’s unrealistic to think that four people are going to enjoy the same meal every night. At the same time, I’m only cooking once. If the other kid can’t figure it out, then being hungry until they’re motivated enough to do so won’t kill them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a teenager this is too much.

You need to have a heart to heart with your wife. Say you do not agree with making separate meals for the teen. If wife wants to baby the teen that’s on her. You think it’s bad parenting and you’re not going to enable or participate in this. Say you acknowledge that you can’t stop wife from doing it.

I don't have a choice but participate in it. If I don't, it's "I do more work than you (her job requires longer hours), you need to step up and do your fair share."....which I agree with...I just don't think creating more work in the name of spoiling a kid is a good way to do my fair share.

Then step up and do other chores around the house. Load the dishwasher, take out the trash, sweep, whatever.

Is there anything that your teen wants? Something that you can facilitate? I would use a reward system to get her to take responsibility for herself, though this is tricky because some kids love being babied and really resist doing anything for themselves. It sounds like your DD is like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone eats my dinner.

I make some accomodations to taste (teen has a small list of things he isn't required to eat, so if I really want eggplant, I make two meals and I won't chop mushrooms too small to pick out).

From the time he was two I said "eating is to nourish your body. It isn't entertainment."

What about when your partner cooks? Same rules?

Why would there be different rules? Yes, one meal is cooked. I eat what my partner makes and so do the kids. (NP here btw)

[Anonymous]

Sorry to be rude OP, but your kid sounds like a brat; "demanding" another meal. And you're wife sounds like a doormat.

This is how it works in my house. There are no other separate meals, my boys are 20 (home from college) and 15. It's one dinner for everyone. We make food that we know everyone likes. Sometimes there might be a slight accommodation if we know one person doesn't like something, ie. alfredo sauce on the noodles, which we know my youngest doesn't like, so we'll leave some plain noodles for him, but that's easy, doesn't inconvenient me, and doesn't take me any extra time. And, most important, he's not "demanding" I do this, I'm doing it because I want to.

This is how it's always been, so my kids know that refusing dinner is not an option unless they are willing to go without. They are free to make a salad or a bowl of cereal or just eat nothing. Honestly it's not a problem though, because 95% of the time we try to serve stuff that everyone likes.

Doesn't sound like your wife sees this as a problem and your daughter's now accustomed to this short-order cook situation that is going on. Not sure what advice to give you, but good luck.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and I agree. This is probably better in the relationship forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to be rude OP, but your kid sounds like a brat; "demanding" another meal. And you're wife sounds like a doormat.

This is how it works in my house. There are no other separate meals, my boys are 20 (home from college) and 15. It's one dinner for everyone. We make food that we know everyone likes. Sometimes there might be a slight accommodation if we know one person doesn't like something, ie. alfredo sauce on the noodles, which we know my youngest doesn't like, so we'll leave some plain noodles for him, but that's easy, doesn't inconvenient me, and doesn't take me any extra time. And, most important, he's not "demanding" I do this, I'm doing it because I want to.

This is how it's always been, so my kids know that refusing dinner is not an option unless they are willing to go without. They are free to make a salad or a bowl of cereal or just eat nothing. Honestly it's not a problem though, because 95% of the time we try to serve stuff that everyone likes.

Doesn't sound like your wife sees this as a problem and your daughter's now accustomed to this short-order cook situation that is going on. Not sure what advice to give you, but good luck.

I'm the quoted poster. I meant to also mention that our family is also pescatarian.

[Anonymous]

I always cook different variations as we have difference preferences but its usually based off one thing each person will eat. If not, you cook your own meal as a teen.

[Anonymous]

Teenager cooks for themself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cook dinner and they don’t always eat it but I don’t make something different.

Often they eat my dinner and something else since they need more calories.

Sometimes I make them dinner that is higher in calories and more their “type of good” and I only eat a salad or bowl of soup or cottage cheese because I’m not that hungry or can’t eat that much fat or carbs.

I think it’s insane to expect everybody to eat the same thing every dinner.

Families have been eating the same thing for dinner for millennia. I had to explain to my kids that dinner won’t be their favorite every night. You may prefer something else, but...we’ll have that another night. My oldest son would eat a hunk of red meat for dinner every day if he had his way. My youngest would eat hot dogs daily. We aren’t doing that, but I do cook good (sometimes great food) on a daily basis. And that also means I am teaching the to be appreciative of the cook. THAT is a life skill, too.

OP - you need marital counseling. This isn’t about food.

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP. It's interesting the variation of answers and approaches outlined here. Clearly, there's no one right way to do this, you just need to be on the same page as your partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you ask what your teen wants for dinner for the upcoming week? Does everything have to be "my way or the highway"?

Respect her decision especially if it's reasonable. Hec, not everyone likes XYZ food. I hate scallops. The smell, the texture, the look, the taste, everything. That's just me. It's not an uncommon thing.

Do you have any alternatives on hand - a bag of prepped salad and bread for grilled cheese, for example, for the days when you're eating, say, spicy Indian food that she hates?


Surely, you have food preferences yourself, no? Surely, there are certain dishes, flavors, ethnic foods, etc. that you don't like.

Is the bold part what Op is actually asking about? I don't think so. This seems like the kid just doesn't want what was prepared and expects the parent to make them something different. If this is the case, then kid is either going to eat what was prepared, go hungry, or prepare something else for themselves. I'm not cooking two meals for one dinner. If its something that the kid normally wouldn't eat then, I wouldn't expect the kid to eat it. We always communicate with our kids what's for dinner. They are welcome to ask for something specific for dinner. They may or may not get it.

Part of my issue with making a separate meal for a teenager is that by 13 or older a kid should be able to speak up for themselves, specially about food and something they don't like. The kid knows when dinner is being prepared, but can't be bothered with saying something or making a suggestion.