Separate meals for the teenager?

[Anonymous]

How old is DD, did I miss it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you ask what your teen wants for dinner for the upcoming week? Does everything have to be "my way or the highway"?

Respect her decision especially if it's reasonable. Hec, not everyone likes XYZ food. I hate scallops. The smell, the texture, the look, the taste, everything. That's just me. It's not an uncommon thing.

Do you have any alternatives on hand - a bag of prepped salad and bread for grilled cheese, for example, for the days when you're eating, say, spicy Indian food that she hates?


Surely, you have food preferences yourself, no? Surely, there are certain dishes, flavors, ethnic foods, etc. that you don't like.

OP here. My kid refuses to eat grilled cheese or salad. Offering those as an option isn't an option. I know those two things are just random examples, but they're also random examples of her limited palate. We're also vegetarian (eat seafood), so further limited for that reason.

Off topic, but I think the term is pescatarian, although that might only be for fish

[Anonymous]

I make one main dish and one side or a one pot meal. If you don’t like what I have prepared for dinner, you are welcome to make yourself a sandwich or scramble some eggs.

[Anonymous]

Kid needs to start making her own breakfast and lunch.

I wouldn't make anyone eat spicy food if they don't like it.

[Anonymous]

DS does not like fish, and DH and I are trying to eat more of it, at least twice a week. On those nights we’ll cook a piece of chicken or pork for him—the rest of the meal is the same. Not that much extra effort, and he otherwise fixes his own meals (breakfasts and lunches).

[Anonymous]

She can eat cereal or a PBJ. Don’t be a short order cook or cater to her. You’ll gonna be raiding an entitled spoiled brat.

[Anonymous]

The problem I’m seeing in so many posts is that cereal is an unhealthy breakfast. At least 99% are. So to just have youR kid eat cereal or waffles and syrup. Geezuz. I hope they arent athletes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a teenager this is too much.

You need to have a heart to heart with your wife. Say you do not agree with making separate meals for the teen. If wife wants to baby the teen that’s on her. You think it’s bad parenting and you’re not going to enable or participate in this. Say you acknowledge that you can’t stop wife from doing it.

I don't have a choice but participate in it. If I don't, it's "I do more work than you (her job requires longer hours), you need to step up and do your fair share."....which I agree with...I just don't think creating more work in the name of spoiling a kid is a good way to do my fair share.

well, say that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone eats my dinner.

I make some accomodations to taste (teen has a small list of things he isn't required to eat, so if I really want eggplant, I make two meals and I won't chop mushrooms too small to pick out).

From the time he was two I said "eating is to nourish your body. It isn't entertainment."

What about when your partner cooks? Same rules?

Yup. But I am substantially more talented in the kitchen so mostly cooking is my job. It evens out other ways.

We all have our short lists and they are all honored.

[Anonymous]

You sound bitter OP, almost as if you genuinely don’t like your wife and daughter. They probably don’t like you either.

[Anonymous]

Single mom of 2 - tween and teen -- I also often cook more for them and make myself something different. Why not. I had parents who forced me to eat their likes and had other difficult food ideas. I will not do that with mine.

Only make what you know she won't like on days you have leftovers of stuff she does like. And get some better meal like options to give her besides fruit, wth. Easy stuff but she needs meals. She is a separate person with her own likes and dislikes.

That said she can make her own breakfast and lunch, or you pre-make some things like bacon, and she fries an egg and toasts an english muffin to make breakfast sandwiches. Sometimes I make my kids breakfast or lunch, but I usually just make sure I have enough options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound bitter OP, almost as if you genuinely don’t like your wife and daughter. They probably don’t like you either.

His daughter and wife sound like a lazy little brat and an infantilizing enabler, so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A question for parents of teens, past and present.

What happens when your teen doesn't want the meal that is being planned/cooked? My theory has always been, as it was growing up, "You eat what the family is having, or you go without (or maybe you eat some fresh fruit as your meal)." That's the way it was growing up for me. The added bonus for my kid (over me as a kid) is that my wife (cooks three nights a week) and I (cook four nights a week) are much better cooks than my mom (seven nights a week) and dad (never) were.

When our daughter was younger, there were some dishes that were a stretch for her taste buds (e.g. a spicy Indian dish) that we didn't expect her to eat, so we substituted other things. Now that she's older, she can handle dishes like that.

Still, at least half the time, kid refuses to eat what is being planned and demands something else. Wife thinks this is fine ("she shouldn't have to eat something she doesn't want.")

Hence, two dinner meals are often cooked. One for the adults and one for the kid. Actually, this happens three times a day...I typically eat cereal for breakfast and a dinner leftover for lunch, while kid refuses to eat cereal or leftovers of any kind and expects a cooked breakfast (or at least a blended smoothie) and a cooked lunch. (And if course i get bitched at by my wife, because my kid refuses to eat anything i offer, so the breakfast and lunch duties fall to her, and that's somehow my fault.)

Is this normal and acceptable at this age?

If your wife wants to do this for your teen, that's her business. I don't think you have to go along with it and teen can and should fend for herself.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to put dinner on the table and that's it. Teens can learn to cook for themselves.

[Anonymous]

My 13yo makes her own breakfast and lunch (has for several years), and since she’s been doing DL at home this fall, has been cooking dinner for the whole family 2 or 3 nights a week.

Your wife is definitely coddling your daughter. That’s her prerogative, but you don’t have to actively join in. If your wife genuinely enjoyed cooking for her child and felt it was an important part of her nurturing relationship, etc etc etc, that’s one thing. But she clearly doesn’t enjoy it much if she’s complaining about you not doing your part.

But you might start gently involving your daughter in the times you do cook things she likes, without framing it as punishment or a negative thing. Start making food a shared, positive experience rather than a point of contention.

[Anonymous]

We stopped separate meals a very long time ago (12 and 15). Even then- it was limited. It was tough going with one, but now he literally eats anything and craved healthy stuff.

We are foodies. I come from a family that is serious about food and my dad would take us to hole in the wall ethnic places that were outstanding growing up. My kids now have that sense of food adventure. If I let the youngest he would have existed on Purdue dinosaur chicken nuggets.