I can't keep subsidizing DS

[Anonymous]

My 19-year-old son refuses to look for a job and he doesn’t want to go to college. Should I continue supporting him or make him leave the house?

He had a 3.75 GPA out of high school, and yet he refused to apply to any university. If he wanted to, he probably could have gotten into Harvard, Yale, Princeton, UVA or any school that he wanted to.

Instead he sits around all day, playing video games, talking on Snapchat and just being lazy. He refuses to work and is generally starting to get on all of our nerves (Covid-19 made it worse with the quartining).

so where do we go from here? What is the end game and should we just cut all ties and kick him out or be mindful and continue to support him?

[Anonymous]

Why has he refused to get a job and move out?

[Anonymous]

I think you've reached a point where you need to be firm and let DS know that he needs to get a job or move the heck out.

[Anonymous]

Kick em.out

[Anonymous]

military is an option or tell him to leave. his choice.

[Anonymous]

Kick him out! You’re making it far too easy for him to rely on your “subsidizing”. Does he even pay rent? Who cares about Yale pipe dreams, he’s a loser, I’m sorry. I’m a woman who started paying $20 in rent a week the July I turned 18. This grown ass man can’t do that? You must be so proud of yourself, OP.

[Anonymous]

College, military, job, or leave. Those are his options. Don't back down, OP.

[Anonymous]

I would have kicked him out the August after he graduated from high school. You don't get to do NOTHING in this house. You can work full time, school full time, or do each part time to equal full time. But you need to be busy full time.

So he would have known the spring before he graduated that he needed to do something. And I'd totally have bagged up his clothes and toothbrush and put them outside, turned off his phone, taken his keys, car, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College, military, job, or leave. Those are his options. Don't back down, OP.

^^ or pre-professional training program

[Anonymous]

Sorry to burst your bubble but he wasn't getting into any school he wanted with a GPA of 3.75. Sit down with him and tell him he gets a job, joins the military, or you sit down together and have him apply to a community college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kick him out! You’re making it far too easy for him to rely on your “subsidizing”. Does he even pay rent? Who cares about Yale pipe dreams, he’s a loser, I’m sorry. I’m a woman who started paying $20 in rent a week the July I turned 18. This grown ass man can’t do that? You must be so proud of yourself, OP.

Dp. This is really harsh.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't kick him out.

But I'd tell him that if he wants access to the wi-fi you pay for, he needs to either be enrolled in college courses full time (start at NVCC) OR working full time (40+ hours a week) or some combo of the 2. So part time work, and 2 college course I'd be okay with.

If he does not comply, you cut off his wi-fi and smart phone. That'll get his attention. Hand him a flip phone, with only a few minutes for calls to NVCC and for job applications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have kicked him out the August after he graduated from high school. You don't get to do NOTHING in this house. You can work full time, school full time, or do each part time to equal full time. But you need to be busy full time.

So he would have known the spring before he graduated that he needed to do something. And I'd totally have bagged up his clothes and toothbrush and put them outside, turned off his phone, taken his keys, car, etc.

I’m always so happy when I see there are still actual parents out there! Bravo, PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kick him out! You’re making it far too easy for him to rely on your “subsidizing”. Does he even pay rent? Who cares about Yale pipe dreams, he’s a loser, I’m sorry. I’m a woman who started paying $20 in rent a week the July I turned 18. This grown ass man can’t do that? You must be so proud of yourself, OP.

Dp. This is really harsh.

It’s tough love. She should learn some and use it on her son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't kick him out.

But I'd tell him that if he wants access to the wi-fi you pay for, he needs to either be enrolled in college courses full time (start at NVCC) OR working full time (40+ hours a week) or some combo of the 2. So part time work, and 2 college course I'd be okay with.

If he does not comply, you cut off his wi-fi and smart phone. That'll get his attention. Hand him a flip phone, with only a few minutes for calls to NVCC and for job applications.

Also for me, the main reason I'd keep him in the house is that it sounds like he needs support into this. I'd even go so far as to choose the NVCC classes. Maybe get him evaluated for depression or ADHD. He needs some guidance and support. You have to try everything before kicking him out on his own.