Considering a doula - first child, no judgement please

[Anonymous]

Hi all, first pregnancy here. I'm considering hiring a doula, but I'm not sure I need one based on the reasons why I though I'd hire one initially. My biggest concern once I get to "almost" delivery time, is anxiety around when to go to the hospital. I personally think I'll feel really anxious around deciding when to go in, etc, and I thought that having a doula would be a way to have an informed opinion and even in-home assistance before I actually am admitted to the hospital. My husband of course will be around as well, but since he's not exactly a professional in this stuff, I thought it may help to have an outside perspective of the doula if I end up laboring at home for a little while before going into Sibley.

Second, my doctor doesn't work weekends, and if birth happens on a weekend, it will be another doctor.

I recognize Sibley doesn't allow doulas in person at this time but I thought the emotional support beforehand and during (even if it's just virtual) may be helpful.

I think I see a doula as a security blanket for some of my anxiety, but I also plan to get an epidural, and don't plan to have a natural birth or anything like that. We can afford one, but I also am not convinced I need to based on these concerns.

I don't want to hire them if it seems like I'll be able to figure this stuff out on my own, and I recognize this post may sound naive, but I think since I'm a little nervous about experiencing some of this for the first time, I'm not sure what to do. Are doctors/nurses super helpful once you're in the hospital? How will you decide when to arrive?

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is naive at all, and you shouldn't apologize. I had a doula for both of my births, in 2017 and 2019. I hadn't even really understood what a doula was or even thought about it until I was pregnant with my first. I started reading pregnancy books and quickly felt overwhelmed- neither my husband or I had really known anything about childbirth, and we didn't have family nearby. I got a doula because it helped me feel less stress and anxiety to have someone with experience on my team. I don't regret it for a second, and if you decide to go that route, you shouldn't either. A doula is definitely helpful when deciding when to go in, among other things. I think it sounds like a good idea for you, if only that it will help you feel less anxious.

[Anonymous]

I think it's great. I wish I had known about these when I gave birth back in 2008.

"It takes a village," as we all know, and, quite frankly, one of the strongest part of your village will include the people you hire.

[Anonymous]

Totally fine. Just talk through this stuff with the doulas you interview, explain what you are concerned about, and you can find someone who will work you you on that. It's probably not necessary, but if you think you'll find it helpful, and you can afford it, that's fine.

[Anonymous]

We used a doula for my first and we both found it really helpful and reassuring since it was our first time going through this and any number of things can happen.
I would recommend it! For our second we felt more confident and did it on our own. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I didn't find it helpful but do not regret paying for a doula. For me, my birth did not go as I hoped and looking back at the fact that I did the midwife/doula/exercise/massage/visualization/etc rigmarole makes me feel satisfied that I did everything I could have done, and it was just bound to end up the way it did. Other people may not need that layer of reassurance. And still other people feel like they got the birth they wanted and the doula contributed to that.

I guess what I'm saying is that if cost is not a concern, there's not really a downside to hiring one.

[Anonymous]

Does your OB’s office offer any help? Usually, they have guidelines/suggestions of when to call the doctor, labor pains etc.

[Anonymous]

Are you a private person, or do you like to have emotional experiences with relative strangers? You will get to know your doula somewhat, but she will still be a new person in your life. I hired a doula for my first pregnancy but in hindsight it was not the right decision for me - I am a very private person and constantly felt the need to "entertain" her or "perform" for her or something. This was not her fault - she was a lovely person who has successfully doula'd for many other people.

If you already know you are getting an epidural, I am going to say you really don't need a doula. The nurses at your hospital and your husband will do a fine job of helping you change positions, get you ice chips, whatever.

As for anxiety about going to the hospital, you can also review that with your dr beforehand, and call the hospital throughout early labor with updates. You will be fine.

[Anonymous]

I would recommend a doula if you are at all interested in an unmedicated birth. For what you mentioned I personally would not pay the money for a doula, but if you have the money and want the extra reassurance - go for it!

[Anonymous]

If you won't be having a natural birth, there's no real point in having a doula, at all. Even then, they're not really needed if you have a husband/partner who is 100% aware/educated/supportive.

[Anonymous]

My doula arrived at my house just as we were leaving for the hospital. She was great at the hospital. My husband didn't help at all during either labor - he was like a deer in headlights. It's worth something to have one but they are $$$$$. Don't spend a lot.

[Anonymous]

Out of curiosity, what makes you anxious about deciding when to go in? It's not a big deal at all if you go in, get checked, and get sent home if it's a false alarm or very early in the process.

[Anonymous]

I had a doula and loved it. But I wouldn’t pay for virtual support - what she did can’t be done over the Internet.

[Anonymous]

You don’t think the doctors will tell you when to go in? That’s what they are there for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t think the doctors will tell you when to go in? That’s what they are there for.

Mine told me to go in when I couldn't talk through the contractions. Had I heeded that advice, I would have delivered at home. Turns out I could talk through my contracts right up until transition.