Considering a doula - first child, no judgement please

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And also - avoiding a C section often means you just got lucky. And truly, I hope the first outcome you wanted was a healthy mother and baby, not avoiding a surgical birth.

That’s not why doulas are hired. It’s a supportive role, not even your ob can guarantee positive outcome. That’s also why doulas are helpful. If it’s not your thing that’s fine. Some of us find it a beneficial and worthwhile arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And also - avoiding a C section often means you just got lucky. And truly, I hope the first outcome you wanted was a healthy mother and baby, not avoiding a surgical birth.

That’s not why doulas are hired. It’s a supportive role, not even your ob can guarantee positive outcome. That’s also why doulas are helpful. If it’s not your thing that’s fine. Some of us find it a beneficial and worthwhile arrangement.

And a boatload of us who hired them feel like it was a waste of 800-1500 dollars. The threads here are full of those of us who felt like the investment was a total waste of money, that they were unhelpful, that our partners didn’t like their presence, that the advice and support they gave was superfluous to our spouses and nurses, and/or that they were pushing an agenda. YMMV. And don’t discount the fact that some of the biggest doula proponents and doulas who often post on these threads so you’re not exactly getting unbiased information since they benefit from selling women on their services.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And also - avoiding a C section often means you just got lucky. And truly, I hope the first outcome you wanted was a healthy mother and baby, not avoiding a surgical birth.

That’s not why doulas are hired. It’s a supportive role, not even your ob can guarantee positive outcome. That’s also why doulas are helpful. If it’s not your thing that’s fine. Some of us find it a beneficial and worthwhile arrangement.

And a boatload of us who hired them feel like it was a waste of 800-1500 dollars. The threads here are full of those of us who felt like the investment was a total waste of money, that they were unhelpful, that our partners didn’t like their presence, that the advice and support they gave was superfluous to our spouses and nurses, and/or that they were pushing an agenda. YMMV. And don’t discount the fact that some of the biggest doula proponents and doulas who often post on these threads so you’re not exactly getting unbiased information since they benefit from selling women on their services.

It would be better all around if posts were not anonymous. I don’t think doulas are posting to sell services, though they may post their own experiences as clients. Sometimes we’re not matched well with our care providers or project experiences. I liked my doula, but she wasn’t my ideal. I’d hire one again though. Her Pre and post birth support was amazing. Again. Interviews take care of “agenda” concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And also - avoiding a C section often means you just got lucky. And truly, I hope the first outcome you wanted was a healthy mother and baby, not avoiding a surgical birth.

No of course not— I wanted to die in childbirth rather than have my third choice of birth experiences

It’s 2020 and women are allowed to have preferences for their healthcare based on what they (and their doctors in my case) believe is the best and safest outcome for their individual circumstances. In mine, a doula was extremely helpful, but I don’t think a doula makes up for knowing what you want and being willing to do the research and put in the work if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this is naive at all, and you shouldn't apologize. I had a doula for both of my births, in 2017 and 2019. I hadn't even really understood what a doula was or even thought about it until I was pregnant with my first. I started reading pregnancy books and quickly felt overwhelmed- neither my husband or I had really known anything about childbirth, and we didn't have family nearby. I got a doula because it helped me feel less stress and anxiety to have someone with experience on my team. I don't regret it for a second, and if you decide to go that route, you shouldn't either. A doula is definitely helpful when deciding when to go in, among other things. I think it sounds like a good idea for you, if only that it will help you feel less anxious.

This is me. Just wanted to add, after reading some of the other comments here, that my doula was 100% fine with me getting an epidural for my first, and I felt no pressure either way. This was something we had discussed during the interview process, which is where I would express any concerns that other people have mentioned, such as how she deals with your partner or supports you during a c section. If you discuss these things up front, you’ll get a feel for how a specific doula will act. There’s also a review website for doulas, which is how I picked mine.

[Anonymous]

I never got the appeal of doulas. Seemed extraneous in every way. What do doctors think of doulas? My uncle, a Retire anesthesiologist, went to visit my cousin who was having a tough labor in the hospital. He asked later that there was a stranger balling in the room. That was the doula. He had never heard of them since he’d worked in a hospital serving working class people in the Bronx and was completely baffled by the trend. I’m Indian— it’s common in our culture to have moms and aunts helping. In my case, my mom came to help with the baby after the birth. When my second was a c section, she cane earlier because I had complications through my pregnancy and needed help. Obviously in these covid times, you may not be able to do that. I’d go for a night nurse before a doula if needed.

[Anonymous]

Lmao — stranger napping! Not balling! Gross!

[Anonymous]

You should absolutely get a doula if you want one.

That said, for the kind of thing you’re worried about all that matters are the nurses and at least for me at WHC they were wonderful. I vaguely remember the doctor but she just caught the baby and sewed me up. Unless something goes wrong you won’t deal with the doctor very much anyway.

Re: early labor, you can just keep calling and talking through it. That’s why the number is there. No one expects you to know what’s happening and even if it wasn’t your first, they can be really different! Not sure a Doula will solve that problem unless she moves in with you for the last few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never got the appeal of doulas. Seemed extraneous in every way. What do doctors think of doulas? My uncle, a Retire anesthesiologist, went to visit my cousin who was having a tough labor in the hospital. He asked later that there was a stranger balling in the room. That was the doula. He had never heard of them since he’d worked in a hospital serving working class people in the Bronx and was completely baffled by the trend. I’m Indian— it’s common in our culture to have moms and aunts helping. In my case, my mom came to help with the baby after the birth. When my second was a c section, she cane earlier because I had complications through my pregnancy and needed help. Obviously in these covid times, you may not be able to do that. I’d go for a night nurse before a doula if needed.

+1 doula = waste of money. Night nurse = priceless

[Anonymous]

I didn't see the need for a doula for the birth, but I hired a postpartum one for afterwards. That was good advice for me. I had had little experience with babies and my mother was also useless with babies and lived out of state. (She had done very little baby stuff when she had me, either). It was nice to have someone come a few times a week, check on stuff, hand off the baby and do all the scary things like nail clipping, washing hair, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were very thankful to have had our Doula— she was recommended by our practice so knew the nurses, hospital policies, where the warm blankets were (epidurals can make you very chilly...) and was able to articulate many of our preferences to the nurses in a way that was much more professional sounding than “here are some scared first time parents” and as a result we had exactly the birth we wanted.

But you have to know what kind of birth you want and not expect the doula to know for you and deliver your mythical “perfect birth”. For example, I knew I wanted an epidural but knew I wanted to avoid a C Section during COVID, so all of her advice and actions were geared towards those outcomes. It also meant I avoided doulas with strong feelings against epidurals or agendas about “natural” birth. I suggest asking if your practice has a doula or doula practice they recommend, because it was very reassuring to have my doctor see the doula as a welcome part of the team and the nurses see her as help to them rather than on a different team.

You think a doula gives you the kind of birth you want? Sorry but no. It’s luck and genetics. Your intentions flr
Delivery count for about 10 percent and your doula doesn’t have much to do with that at all. Does your doula control the position of the fetus?
How fast you dilate? If your baby aspirates meconium or has irregular tracings?
If your BP shoots up or you get a fever in labor? Women who get the birth they want are often just lucky. Do you think anyone else who has complications wants them? Or got them because they didn’t hire a doula? SMDH.

Do you even realize how insane you sound? Keep your mouth shut until you take a class, you have no clue what you're even talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were very thankful to have had our Doula— she was recommended by our practice so knew the nurses, hospital policies, where the warm blankets were (epidurals can make you very chilly...) and was able to articulate many of our preferences to the nurses in a way that was much more professional sounding than “here are some scared first time parents” and as a result we had exactly the birth we wanted.

But you have to know what kind of birth you want and not expect the doula to know for you and deliver your mythical “perfect birth”. For example, I knew I wanted an epidural but knew I wanted to avoid a C Section during COVID, so all of her advice and actions were geared towards those outcomes. It also meant I avoided doulas with strong feelings against epidurals or agendas about “natural” birth. I suggest asking if your practice has a doula or doula practice they recommend, because it was very reassuring to have my doctor see the doula as a welcome part of the team and the nurses see her as help to them rather than on a different team.

You think a doula gives you the kind of birth you want? Sorry but no. It’s luck and genetics. Your intentions flr
Delivery count for about 10 percent and your doula doesn’t have much to do with that at all. Does your doula control the position of the fetus?
How fast you dilate? If your baby aspirates meconium or has irregular tracings?
If your BP shoots up or you get a fever in labor? Women who get the birth they want are often just lucky. Do you think anyone else who has complications wants them? Or got them because they didn’t hire a doula? SMDH.

Do you even realize how insane you sound? Keep your mouth shut until you take a class, you have no clue what you're even talking about.

Actually I’ve given birth twice, and had a doula for my first birth that was a waste of a grand. I know far more than you do what I’m talking about. A doula has zero control over the medical complications you will or won’t face in your birth. That’s a fact. They can help with decision making, comfort measures, and hands on and emotional support. But having a doula doesn’t somehow prevent you from getting a fever or high blood pressure, or mean your baby will have regular heart rate tracings, or prevent failure to progress, etc. If you think that you’re the one who badly needs some child birth education FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were very thankful to have had our Doula— she was recommended by our practice so knew the nurses, hospital policies, where the warm blankets were (epidurals can make you very chilly...) and was able to articulate many of our preferences to the nurses in a way that was much more professional sounding than “here are some scared first time parents” and as a result we had exactly the birth we wanted.

But you have to know what kind of birth you want and not expect the doula to know for you and deliver your mythical “perfect birth”. For example, I knew I wanted an epidural but knew I wanted to avoid a C Section during COVID, so all of her advice and actions were geared towards those outcomes. It also meant I avoided doulas with strong feelings against epidurals or agendas about “natural” birth. I suggest asking if your practice has a doula or doula practice they recommend, because it was very reassuring to have my doctor see the doula as a welcome part of the team and the nurses see her as help to them rather than on a different team.

You think a doula gives you the kind of birth you want? Sorry but no. It’s luck and genetics. Your intentions flr
Delivery count for about 10 percent and your doula doesn’t have much to do with that at all. Does your doula control the position of the fetus?
How fast you dilate? If your baby aspirates meconium or has irregular tracings?
If your BP shoots up or you get a fever in labor? Women who get the birth they want are often just lucky. Do you think anyone else who has complications wants them? Or got them because they didn’t hire a doula? SMDH.

Do you even realize how insane you sound? Keep your mouth shut until you take a class, you have no clue what you're even talking about.

Actually I’ve given birth twice, and had a doula for my first birth that was a waste of a grand. I know far more than you do what I’m talking about. A doula has zero control over the medical complications you will or won’t face in your birth. That’s a fact. They can help with decision making, comfort measures, and hands on and emotional support. But having a doula doesn’t somehow prevent you from getting a fever or high blood pressure, or mean your baby will have regular heart rate tracings, or prevent failure to progress, etc. If you think that you’re the one who badly needs some child birth education FFS.

No. One. Thinks. This. You’ve said your piece. Whomever that will benefit has it recorded.

[Anonymous]

I had a doula for my labor pre-COVID, and it was the best money we spent for the pregnancy. She came to our home for the last few hours of labor before we went to the hospital. Laboring at home for longer was helpful, because my labor definitely slowed down when we first got to the hospital. The doula was also very helpful for my husband. He was a deer in the headlights and completely overwhelmed by the labor experience. The doula gave him instructions that helped ease his anxiety and let him support me in a way he couldn’t in his own.

Doulas also usually offer a lot of phone/email support during pregnancy, so if you’re anxious, they will send you some curated research/articles along with their own experiences, and save you from falling down a Google wormhole.

And my doula didn’t have any agenda to push. I recommended my doula to a friend who had a very different birth plan, and the doula was supportive and professional with both of our very different births. You just interview to find someone you mesh with. I knew that my style was not “earth mama” and I preferred someone with a science background who could look at the research with me during pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a doula for my labor pre-COVID, and it was the best money we spent for the pregnancy. She came to our home for the last few hours of labor before we went to the hospital. Laboring at home for longer was helpful, because my labor definitely slowed down when we first got to the hospital. The doula was also very helpful for my husband. He was a deer in the headlights and completely overwhelmed by the labor experience. The doula gave him instructions that helped ease his anxiety and let him support me in a way he couldn’t in his own.

Doulas also usually offer a lot of phone/email support during pregnancy, so if you’re anxious, they will send you some curated research/articles along with their own experiences, and save you from falling down a Google wormhole.

And my doula didn’t have any agenda to push. I recommended my doula to a friend who had a very different birth plan, and the doula was supportive and professional with both of our very different births. You just interview to find someone you mesh with. I knew that my style was not “earth mama” and I preferred someone with a science background who could look at the research with me during pregnancy.

Could you recommend this person if you are in the area? Fellow creamy not crunchy here with a VERY anxious DH. Thanks!