Elderly Parent Re-marrying. Protecting Assets.

[Anonymous]

It looks like my widower father (80) might be remarrying. I (his child) am designated as the beneficiary on all of his accounts - savings, life insurance, etc. If he does, indeed, remarry, how can I protect his new wife from taking his funds? I intend to use his money in the event he becomes unable to care for himself to pay for home health care, assisted living, etc. Any money in his accounts will not be for me - I don’t need it.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. Well, he could give you power of attorney and also put his assets in a revocable living trust and make you the trustee, or co trustee along with him. Those documents can be changed, however, they are not irrevocable unless he doesn’t have the capacity to revoke them. He probably could change the beneficiary of his life insurance plan, too.

So yes, his remarrying could mean you wind up with less inheritance. It could mean the wife gets access to the funds and spends them in a way you disagree with. You may not be able to fully control or stop that. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

You need to become the OWNER of at least the life insurance in addition to the beneficiary. Can he sign something to make you the owner?

Can your name be put on his savings as one would with a joint account?

What's his retirement account situation?

[Anonymous]

Invest in an attorney! If your father has one ask your dad if you can speak with him.

[Anonymous]

How old is his fiancé?

[Anonymous]

Pre-nup. Family trusts.

Then have your dad and his fiance figure out how to agree to a joint account (groceries, entertainment, household living, etc.).

[Anonymous]

His retirement income is social sec. and pension. Girlfriend/fiancée is mid-late 60s.

The suggestions about owning the life insurance, trusts, and pre-nup are helpful. The cost of nursing home care, esp. dementia care homes from what I have seen on this board are eye popping. I don’t want to see his life savings disappear.

[Anonymous]

Whoa. Why are they marrying? There's quite an age difference. In actuality, you will have ZERO say in his care after this marriage. The money can be in a revocable trust, but he can spend that any way he wants until death. She can also challenge.

[Anonymous]

What does your dad want? Will his new wife be coordinating care for him?

[Anonymous]

What does your dad want, OP? So, I’ll share my story in case it’s helpful. My Dad married a younger woman he’d only known a couple months so she could have citizenship. They have been separated for years (surprise) but he refuses to get a divorce. She has a good income, and he is destitute and becoming infirm. He doesn’t work. However, because he is married he doesn’t qualify for subsidized housing or Medicaid but wants me to support him. This situation has destroyed our relationship.

Our situations are different, but I’m sharing because I wonder why your dad wants to get married at his age? Does he want his girlfriend to inherit his money when he passes? Does he want her to get the social security payments? There is a reason.

[Anonymous]

Dad has been lonely since Mom died several years ago so it doesn’t surprise me that he’s gotten serious with someone. He’s active, healthy and doesn’t need “caring for”, but I’m looking towards the future when he eventually will. I know that spouses typically coordinate care. I would just like to secure his savings so he doesn’t wind up in the cheapest nursing home.

[Anonymous]

This is going to sound morbid but figure out the burial issues now with your dad. I didn’t need my dad’s money either (and there wasn’t a lot) but his second wife was obsessed with burial plots. My mom had died many years ago and my dad had bought 4 plots in a nice cemetery. Apparently, it’s really hard to get plots there now, so she really wanted to make sure she got the other 2 (that part was fine). But somehow she now has control over all 4 bc of some document she had my dad sign. My siblings and I are not local and by the time I figured this out, he was deteriorating. I planned to bring an attorney to the assisted living home on my next trip to handle some things but he deteriorated quickly. Again, this wasn’t about money but about the fact that they were divorced by this point and no one wanted her making decisions. Now she has control of my mother’s plot and my father’s. She can do whatever she wants with the other two. I have to have her transfer my parents’ plots back to me bc when she dies, her kids will have control. Long story, make sure you are in control of all of that.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you don’t get to decide. The wife will make all those decisions. She might prefer to care for him at home so she doesn’t have to pay for a nursing home.

This usually doesn’t end well. Why is he marrying?!? She sounds like a gold digger. Make sure that if there’s anything of your moms you’d like, you get it before they get married. My mom didn’t even get her moms wedding rings. Her step mom pawned then after her dad died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you don’t get to decide. The wife will make all those decisions. She might prefer to care for him at home so she doesn’t have to pay for a nursing home.

This usually doesn’t end well. Why is he marrying?!? She sounds like a gold digger. Make sure that if there’s anything of your moms you’d like, you get it before they get married. My mom didn’t even get her moms wedding rings. Her step mom pawned then after her dad died.

+1

All of this. If you have a good relationship with your dad talk to him and try to understand why he’s doing this. You get no say about anything once they’re married.

[Anonymous]

You cannot. Maybe he will want to give his wife everything. That’s the way it usually works. Kids get screwed.