Elderly Parent Re-marrying. Protecting Assets.
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Anonymous
| You can’t do a thing. He could sign over everything to her and as long as he is competent, you can’t do a thing about it. Sorry, OP. |
Anonymous
| OP here - I’m surprised at the responses that are asking why they are marrying. I really think it’s because he wants a companion. Don’t you think it’s overstepping big boundaries to try to talk him out of remarrying? Did any of you try to talk an elderly parent out of remarrying? He’s still got all of his faculties, so I worry about how he would take this kind of conversation. |
Anonymous
| You don't have to be married to enjoy companionship. Getting married at his age is just asking for complications, and completely unnecessary. |
Anonymous
My sister in law (husband's sister) tried to talk her father out of remarrying. That did not work, so she tried to talk him into getting some type of renup. That also did not work and caused a lot of contention between her and the new wife. FIL and his new wife have been married over a decade now. |
Anonymous
For some people, their religious beliefs will not allow them to share a bed with someone who isn't their spouse. I'm the pp immediately above and that was the case with my FIL and his new wife; they wanted to be able to travel together but she said there's no way she'd share a bedroom with a man who wasn't her husband. |
Anonymous
Just throwing this out there that this is also how some (notice I said some) women manipulate men into marrying them so they can have control over their finances. I’d be very skeptical if I were OP that her father’s girlfriend has the best of intentions. |
Anonymous
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And everybody would be happy to have this younger girlfriend do all the caregiving but get nothing.
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Anonymous
Yup. I don’t see what OP needs to fuss about. Statistically her father doesn’t have much time left. Seems like a good arrangement for OP honestly. |
Anonymous
Is she younger? OP said her dad is 80 — how old is the girlfriend? |
Anonymous
She already said--mid-late 60s. Keep up. |
Anonymous
This. So much this. |
Anonymous
I'm the PP whose dad married the younger woman and they've been separated for years. She's doing none of the caregiving. These situations do not always work out that way. I my dad's wife is sleazy, but at the end of the day, I blame my dad entirely for his very bad decisions. If OP's father's girlfriend is doing the caregiving, then yes she should be compensated for that. I don't think anyone is disputing that. However, OP has not said that she is. You are assuming this is the case, and sometimes it's not. |
Anonymous
| My grandfather had a companion for 17 years after my grandmother died. Neither wanted to get married because it could complicate elder care and disposal of assets to children. It is strange to me an 80 would want to get married unless there was a specific reason that has nothing to do with love. |
Anonymous
| My step-grandfather was 80 and a bachelor when he married my widowed grandmother (in her late 60s). They had many good years together. (They were of the generation where you did not live together if you weren't married.) He set up his estate in a trust so that it supported my grandmother during her lifetime and then the remainder went to his nieces. |
Anonymous
My mom remarried at 71 yrs old. I was a bit taken back at first, but came around and understood. She told me that when you are old(er) that you already know what to look for in a partner, how to navigate life, etc. PLUs, she told me that she and fiance are both retired so life is different compared to me and DH. They are NOT starting a family, not raising a family (BTDT for both mom and fiance), they don't have stressful jobs (both retired obviously), no long commutes to factor in, no financial strain, etc....ALL the things that typically break up marriages or cause strife and stress. Further, when you're old and by yourself you really want a companion. Someone more than a meet-up to go to lunch with you, someone more than to just play Bridge with, etc. Someone with you 24/7. Loneliness can be really hard. Being a 3rd wheel amongst other friends who are couples is really hard. Coming home to an empty house 24/7 for years on end is really hard. It is hard to imagine or understand unless you yourself have gone years without a partner in-hand. I am so busy with my young family, DH, job, household stuff, activities, errands, etc. that I didn't really understand this concept. I could go on, but you get the idea. Anyway, I posted up thread already so I won't repeat, but I did want to add the aforementioned in case it was helpful. |