Angry. Petty plan, and I don't care.

[Anonymous]

I'm angry. I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years, and I have been expressing a desire for increased commitment (living together) and marriage for a long time. We're in our mid 30s, so this doesn't seem unreasonable. He always agrees and says he wants it too, but when it comes down to planning and getting serious, he bails.
We've discussed moving in together many times and have set a few dates. When it gets time to start looking for a place together, he says he's not ready for X, Y, or Z.
A few months ago, we discussed getting engaged this fall. We were both in agreement that it would be a good time to do it so he would have time to buy a ring, plan a proposal, etc. I asked many, many times if he was okay with this. He always assured me he was. Last week, I brought up something to do with the engagement, and he said he'd changed his mind. He said he wanted to get engaged, but he didn't think doing it in the fall was the right time. He thought it was too soon, and we still had some issues to work on.

I am at my wit's end. I have stayed with him through so much unnecessary crap. I have to beg for sex. I have to beg for commitment. He isn't romantic. He has a bad temper and is cruel when he's upset. He is still in contact with his ex-wife, even though I've explicitly asked him not to be. I've watched him flirt with my MALE friends at parties (he's bisexual). There's so much more, and I don't even want to type it all out at this point. The tl;dr is that he hasn't been a stellar partner, and I have always been patient, loving, and forgiving.


So, I am done, but I am angry as hell for putting up with so much crap for so long and incessantly being dragged along. What I'm going to do is be syrupy sweet, continue the course, and not rock the boat. I will not complain. I will not argue. I will not discuss the future. I will be nothing but pleasant and easy. I want him to want to marry me. I want him to propose to me. And when he does, I will laugh in his face and tell him to get lost. I want to hurt him the way he's hurt me so many times. He deserves it. He cane end up alone like he's destined to.

[Anonymous]

I support it. He sounds like a tool. I honestly wish I could help you screw him over.

[Anonymous]

But just end the drama and get out. You deserve better. He may never want to marry you.

[Anonymous]

Ok.

[Anonymous]

What if he never proposes? So much time, energy & happiness lost. Send him a two word text saying it's over and block.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But just end the drama and get out. You deserve better. He may never want to marry you.

I agree but, man, do I get it! I have been played by men before, and the hot rage of injustice that burns inside of you is almost too much to handle. The fertile years you wasted, the time you could have spent dating great catches who would have treated you well, the years wasted on his games-- it feels almost insurmountable to ignore. I have felt what you're feeling. You have my total empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm angry. I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years, and I have been expressing a desire for increased commitment (living together) and marriage for a long time. We're in our mid 30s, so this doesn't seem unreasonable. He always agrees and says he wants it too, but when it comes down to planning and getting serious, he bails.
We've discussed moving in together many times and have set a few dates. When it gets time to start looking for a place together, he says he's not ready for X, Y, or Z.
A few months ago, we discussed getting engaged this fall. We were both in agreement that it would be a good time to do it so he would have time to buy a ring, plan a proposal, etc. I asked many, many times if he was okay with this. He always assured me he was. Last week, I brought up something to do with the engagement, and he said he'd changed his mind. He said he wanted to get engaged, but he didn't think doing it in the fall was the right time. He thought it was too soon, and we still had some issues to work on.

I am at my wit's end. I have stayed with him through so much unnecessary crap. I have to beg for sex. I have to beg for commitment. He isn't romantic. He has a bad temper and is cruel when he's upset. He is still in contact with his ex-wife, even though I've explicitly asked him not to be. I've watched him flirt with my MALE friends at parties (he's bisexual). There's so much more, and I don't even want to type it all out at this point. The tl;dr is that he hasn't been a stellar partner, and I have always been patient, loving, and forgiving.


So, I am done, but I am angry as hell for putting up with so much crap for so long and incessantly being dragged along. What I'm going to do is be syrupy sweet, continue the course, and not rock the boat. I will not complain. I will not argue. I will not discuss the future. I will be nothing but pleasant and easy. I want him to want to marry me. I want him to propose to me. And when he does, I will laugh in his face and tell him to get lost. I want to hurt him the way he's hurt me so many times. He deserves it. He cane end up alone like he's destined to.

Do all of that, but quietly start dating other people. It won't be hard. This guy sounds like he doesn't expect a great deal of seriousness from you. Don't limit your options.

[Anonymous]

Sooo... you’re going to waste more time on him? Girl, he’s not going to propose for YEARS!!!! And that’s IF he proposes at all!

You need to move on with your life NOW. You don’t have years to waste if you’re in your 30’s and you want marriage and kids. MOVE ON. Next time, don’t date anyone for more than 6 months without commitment. Timeline should be maximum of 1year to get engaged.

I’ll let you in on a secret, living well is the best revenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Sooo... you’re going to waste more time on him? Girl, he’s not going to propose for YEARS!!!! And that’s IF he proposes at all!

You need to move on with your life NOW. You don’t have years to waste if you’re in your 30’s and you want marriage and kids. MOVE ON. Next time, don’t date anyone for more than 6 months without commitment. Timeline should be maximum of 1year to get engaged.

I’ll let you in on a secret, living well is the best revenge.

What? People date longer than a year without getting engaged ALL the time. Where'd you come up with this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm angry. I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years, and I have been expressing a desire for increased commitment (living together) and marriage for a long time. We're in our mid 30s, so this doesn't seem unreasonable. He always agrees and says he wants it too, but when it comes down to planning and getting serious, he bails.
We've discussed moving in together many times and have set a few dates. When it gets time to start looking for a place together, he says he's not ready for X, Y, or Z.
A few months ago, we discussed getting engaged this fall. We were both in agreement that it would be a good time to do it so he would have time to buy a ring, plan a proposal, etc. I asked many, many times if he was okay with this. He always assured me he was. Last week, I brought up something to do with the engagement, and he said he'd changed his mind. He said he wanted to get engaged, but he didn't think doing it in the fall was the right time. He thought it was too soon, and we still had some issues to work on.

I am at my wit's end. I have stayed with him through so much unnecessary crap. I have to beg for sex. I have to beg for commitment. He isn't romantic. He has a bad temper and is cruel when he's upset. He is still in contact with his ex-wife, even though I've explicitly asked him not to be. I've watched him flirt with my MALE friends at parties (he's bisexual). There's so much more, and I don't even want to type it all out at this point. The tl;dr is that he hasn't been a stellar partner, and I have always been patient, loving, and forgiving.


So, I am done, but I am angry as hell for putting up with so much crap for so long and incessantly being dragged along. What I'm going to do is be syrupy sweet, continue the course, and not rock the boat. I will not complain. I will not argue. I will not discuss the future. I will be nothing but pleasant and easy. I want him to want to marry me. I want him to propose to me. And when he does, I will laugh in his face and tell him to get lost. I want to hurt him the way he's hurt me so many times. He deserves it. He cane end up alone like he's destined to.

Honestly, why in the world would you put one more ounce of energy into that loser, even for the purpose of revenge? MOVE ON.

[Anonymous]

Yeah don’t waste your time now- start seeing other people.

[Anonymous]

You have my permission to ghost him

[Anonymous]

Good lord, just move on. You’re setting yourself up for failure here. You’re not ready to marry anyone, least of all this guy. End the relationship, take a long hard look at your own issues, and get emotionally healthy so you’re prepared to meet someone emotionally healthy to partner with.

Get out of the petty mind games and start thinking about what you really want your life to look like. This shouldn’t be it.

[Anonymous]

That might be the dumbest plan ever.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP, but your plan isn't going to work. He'll never propose. I don't know what his problem is, but it doesn't sound as if anything you do will get him to that point. You need to get out ASAP because you're not getting any younger for marriage and kids. And meanwhile, you'll be stuck being nice to such a horrible person? NOT GOING TO WORK.

I understand your need to punish him, but FIRST look after the logistics of separation. What do you need to do? Do you live together? Who leaves? Who gets what stuff, if anything is shared?

Once you figure that out, hatch a plan of get back at him. You'll have cooled off a little and hopefully you can come up with something deliciously vindictive that you share with us here...

Good luck with the next guy. Don't choose another one like him!