Angry. Petty plan, and I don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm angry. I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years, and I have been expressing a desire for increased commitment (living together) and marriage for a long time. We're in our mid 30s, so this doesn't seem unreasonable. He always agrees and says he wants it too, but when it comes down to planning and getting serious, he bails.
We've discussed moving in together many times and have set a few dates. When it gets time to start looking for a place together, he says he's not ready for X, Y, or Z.
A few months ago, we discussed getting engaged this fall. We were both in agreement that it would be a good time to do it so he would have time to buy a ring, plan a proposal, etc. I asked many, many times if he was okay with this. He always assured me he was. Last week, I brought up something to do with the engagement, and he said he'd changed his mind. He said he wanted to get engaged, but he didn't think doing it in the fall was the right time. He thought it was too soon, and we still had some issues to work on.

I am at my wit's end. I have stayed with him through so much unnecessary crap. I have to beg for sex. I have to beg for commitment. He isn't romantic. He has a bad temper and is cruel when he's upset. He is still in contact with his ex-wife, even though I've explicitly asked him not to be. I've watched him flirt with my MALE friends at parties (he's bisexual). There's so much more, and I don't even want to type it all out at this point. The tl;dr is that he hasn't been a stellar partner, and I have always been patient, loving, and forgiving.


So, I am done, but I am angry as hell for putting up with so much crap for so long and incessantly being dragged along. What I'm going to do is be syrupy sweet, continue the course, and not rock the boat. I will not complain. I will not argue. I will not discuss the future. I will be nothing but pleasant and easy. I want him to want to marry me. I want him to propose to me. And when he does, I will laugh in his face and tell him to get lost. I want to hurt him the way he's hurt me so many times. He deserves it. He cane end up alone like he's destined to.

Honestly, why in the world would you put one more ounce of energy into that loser, even for the purpose of revenge? MOVE ON.

Yes, OP, you need to look at why you have such a hard time letting go of something that is so obviously not going to turn out the way you want. He's been playing you but you've also been playing yourself. Cut your losses and move on now.

[Anonymous]

If you're in your mid thirties you don't really have the time to drag this out for another year or two to get a moment of revenge. I understand the impulse (honestly) but don't cut off your nose to spite your face. Clean break now, and be glad you don't have to move out at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you should dump him. It will hurt and you will feel like you wasted a lot of time on him, but the longer you stay the more time wasted. There’s a lot of info prance about bisexuality on this thread. Bi means you are sexually attracted to men and women. It is not a prelude or cover up for being gay, and it does not prohibit one from being faithful to their partner. You should dump him not because he’s bi, but because he’s not ready to get married and you are.

You can't deny it's often a stepping stone to coming to terms with being homosexual. People are skeptical because he does not act attracted to her.

There are straight people on this board every day talking about how they are not getting sex from their partners. Again, the assumption by so many here that he is gay is offensive and ignorant. He is not that into her, that's what we know. Because he is not into her, doesn't mean he is incapable of being into another woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have my permission to ghost him

This is what I’d do. Also, he’s not bi, he’s gay. Just be done with it and ghost.

[Anonymous]

here are straight people on this board every day talking about how they are not getting sex from their partners. Again, the assumption by so many here that he is gay is offensive and ignorant. He is not that into her, that's what we know. Because he is not into her, doesn't mean he is incapable of being into another woman.

well most of those posters are not married to someone who admits to being bi and flirts with friends of the same sex. That, combined with his lack of interest in her (in a dating/not living together or married/ situation raises a lot ofquestions).

But at the end of the day, it does't matter if he's gay, bi, or into furries. he is NOT into OP and she's still delusional in thinking that if she's sweet he will propose to her.

HONEY, it ain't happening and you do not have one more minute to waste on this man.

Look, most men are fairly simple to figure out, relationship wise. If they want to date you, they will ask you out. If they are sexually attracted to you they will want sex, a lot. If they want to marry you, they will ask you. Without you having to beg for any of the above.

Find a guy like this. Also, nice, smart, funny and employed. Does't have to be tall , rich or handsome. Probably better if he's not--greater chance he is not an arse. But also, you should be all those things, and emotionally mature. The fact that you've stuck with this "relationship" for so long raises some questions for me about your own readiness for commitment.

[Anonymous]

Buddha said it best:

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

[Anonymous]

BREAK UP. HELLO!!!

[Anonymous]

why?

seriously, it sounds like he's not that into you. It really really hurts I know but the best thing you can do is move on.

[Anonymous]

What's your plan if he never asks? How much of your life would you waste before you give up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's your plan if he never asks? How much of your life would you waste before you give up?

OP hasn’t figured out yet that she can’t control people.

[Anonymous]

Don't cut off your nose to spite your face, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sooo... you’re going to waste more time on him? Girl, he’s not going to propose for YEARS!!!! And that’s IF he proposes at all!

You need to move on with your life NOW. You don’t have years to waste if you’re in your 30’s and you want marriage and kids. MOVE ON. Next time, don’t date anyone for more than 6 months without commitment. Timeline should be maximum of 1year to get engaged.

I’ll let you in on a secret, living well is the best revenge.

What? People date longer than a year without getting engaged ALL the time. Where'd you come up with this?

Not when you are in your mid-30s and want to have biological kids.

[Anonymous]

The longer you stay with him, OP, the harder you make it for the RIGHT guy to find you (or you to find him). Start packing tonight. Line up a place to crash. The rental market hasn’t looked better in years — take advantage of that!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sooo... you’re going to waste more time on him? Girl, he’s not going to propose for YEARS!!!! And that’s IF he proposes at all!

You need to move on with your life NOW. You don’t have years to waste if you’re in your 30’s and you want marriage and kids. MOVE ON. Next time, don’t date anyone for more than 6 months without commitment. Timeline should be maximum of 1year to get engaged.

I’ll let you in on a secret, living well is the best revenge.

What? People date longer than a year without getting engaged ALL the time. Where'd you come up with this?

As one data point, I might have been skeptical of the year deadline too, when I was still in a relationship with the person I dated before my husband.

But with the right person, you know within a year that your relationship will go the distance. Maybe you don’t get engaged within that timeframe — but you both definitely understand that it’s coming, largely because neither of you have ever been so contentedly, unproblematically happy with another person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The longer you stay with him, OP, the harder you make it for the RIGHT guy to find you (or you to find him). Start packing tonight. Line up a place to crash. The rental market hasn’t looked better in years — take advantage of that!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Sooo... you’re going to waste more time on him? Girl, he’s not going to propose for YEARS!!!! And that’s IF he proposes at all!

You need to move on with your life NOW. You don’t have years to waste if you’re in your 30’s and you want marriage and kids. MOVE ON. Next time, don’t date anyone for more than 6 months without commitment. Timeline should be maximum of 1year to get engaged.

I’ll let you in on a secret, living well is the best revenge.

What? People date longer than a year without getting engaged ALL the time. Where'd you come up with this?

As one data point, I might have been skeptical of the year deadline too, when I was still in a relationship with the person I dated before my husband.

But with the right person, you know within a year that your relationship will go the distance. Maybe you don’t get engaged within that timeframe — but you both definitely understand that it’s coming, largely because neither of you have ever been so contentedly, unproblematically happy with another person.

Yeah, the right relationship is easy. And it has to be, so when life hands you a bowl of crap you have enough bandwidth to tackle that while your relationship can go on autopilot for a little bit. If it’s already difficult when you are dating and you are spending all this energy to keep the boat afloat, you have nothing left when life gets hard. And now you are dealing with a bowl of crap and a sinking ship.

OP- DTMFA!! Relationships shouldn’t be this hard.

[Anonymous]

Sweetie this is twisted. Next! Get your calendar out and write down something to do every day for the next 60 days and get yourself happy, hot, and busy.