If your son is shorter than average, how did you help him build confidence?

[Anonymous]

My 14-year-old son is shorter than most boys his age. His doctor said that he is projected to be about 5'7''.

He has never had any social issues at school and plays sports, but my concern is that being shorter than his classmates in high school may affect him negatively in terms of self-confidence.

He has mentioned to me that all of his friends are taller than him and is now trying to increase his height by working out, going to bed early, and drinking milk. I'm supportive of all of these things for health reasons, but I told him that they might not necessarily help him to get taller and that he doesn't need to be tall to be successful (it doesn't seem like he believes me).

[Anonymous]

So, he has not suffered in any way and has no self confidence issues but you want to project your fears onto him and then get tips for easing those projected fears? WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, he has not suffered in any way and has no self confidence issues but you want to project your fears onto him and then get tips for easing those projected fears? WTF?

+1 OP, just leave it unless he shows signs of concern. Otherwise, you are going to MAKE him lose confidence.

My ds grew about 6 inches from grade 8 to grade 12. This was unexpected and we had always assumed he would be on the short side of average, based on the heights of his dad and maternal uncles. He's now 6 feet exactly. He was a health nut, due to his hockey coach's influence: the hockey coach somehow convinced his entire team of boys that soda of any kind was verboten because it is so bad for bones, and ds used to lecture me about my diet coke addiction issues I have no idea if this contributed to some extra inches, but ds consumed a lot of whole milk and lean protein at every meal, and insisted I buy only organic fruit and veg. He was also into protein powder supplements. But we never pressured him and didn't care how tall he was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14-year-old son is shorter than most boys his age. His doctor said that he is projected to be about 5'7''.

He has never had any social issues at school and plays sports, but my concern is that being shorter than his classmates in high school may affect him negatively in terms of self-confidence.

He has mentioned to me that all of his friends are taller than him and is now trying to increase his height by working out, going to bed early, and drinking milk. I'm supportive of all of these things for health reasons, but I told him that they might not necessarily help him to get taller and that he doesn't need to be tall to be successful (it doesn't seem like he believes me).

My 14 yr old son is 5”4. Be glad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14-year-old son is shorter than most boys his age. His doctor said that he is projected to be about 5'7''.

He has never had any social issues at school and plays sports, but my concern is that being shorter than his classmates in high school may affect him negatively in terms of self-confidence.

He has mentioned to me that all of his friends are taller than him and is now trying to increase his height by working out, going to bed early, and drinking milk. I'm supportive of all of these things for health reasons, but I told him that they might not necessarily help him to get taller and that he doesn't need to be tall to be successful (it doesn't seem like he believes me).

Napoleon biography should fix that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 14-year-old son is shorter than most boys his age. His doctor said that he is projected to be about 5'7''.

He has never had any social issues at school and plays sports, but my concern is that being shorter than his classmates in high school may affect him negatively in terms of self-confidence.

He has mentioned to me that all of his friends are taller than him and is now trying to increase his height by working out, going to bed early, and drinking milk. I'm supportive of all of these things for health reasons, but I told him that they might not necessarily help him to get taller and that he doesn't need to be tall to be successful (it doesn't seem like he believes me).

Napoleon biography should fix that.

Fix what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 14-year-old son is shorter than most boys his age. His doctor said that he is projected to be about 5'7''.

He has never had any social issues at school and plays sports, but my concern is that being shorter than his classmates in high school may affect him negatively in terms of self-confidence.

He has mentioned to me that all of his friends are taller than him and is now trying to increase his height by working out, going to bed early, and drinking milk. I'm supportive of all of these things for health reasons, but I told him that they might not necessarily help him to get taller and that he doesn't need to be tall to be successful (it doesn't seem like he believes me).

How tall is he?

[Anonymous]

Krav Maga or any other activity that helps build confidence in general. Toastmasters. It doesn't have to be physical.

[Anonymous]

He has never had any social issues at school and plays sports, but my concern is that being shorter than his classmates in high school may affect him negatively in terms of self-confidence.

High school students come in all different heights, especially at 14. My son was about 5'3 at the start of 9th grade (he was not quite 14) but looked like a 10 year old for much of 8th grade so that was a big improvement. He ended up being 5'9 by graduation (about average for a U.S. male) - some of his friends are shorter and some are taller. The shorter ones are comfortable with themselves and weren't forced to join Toastmasters against their will to compensate for their height. Most 14 year olds choose their own activities based on their interests.

95% of DCUM posters claim to have a son who is over 6 ft, but if you look at an actual high school class, there are plenty of boys who are 5'7. They don't really stick out as being particularly short.

Are you and your spouse very tall? I can understand a kid being disappointed in a projected height of 5'7 if their parents are really tall, but if you're not, then 14 is old enough to grasp genetics. It sounds like maybe he's still waiting for that initial adolescent growth spurt, but it will likely come soon enough (with or without the milk and extra sleep).

[Anonymous]

Hi OP -- my son was shorter than average too at 14, he was one of the shortest kids in his 9th grade class. For him it was later than average puberty so he did later go through a growth spurt and has now, at 17 years old, reached average male height. But I completely understand where you're coming from. And it was tiring for my son to be called "short stack" in school, and his height to be commented on regularly by his peers.

But as some PPs have mentioned, try not to project your concerns onto him. Your son has realized he's shorter and he's trying to grow taller, and if that means healthier habits, that's great. But being projected to be about 5'7", this is something he's going to have to accept and deal with and he'll figure it out. It is hard because height is a thing for men, absolutely. My average size son is surrounded at home by the men in the family who are all over 6' tall and I see how they enjoy the benefits of that height. But I've also seen some of them not reach their potential in education and in careers, which I discussed with my son back when he was 14 and he'd tell me his life's goal was to be 6'3". Now my son's goal is to have a bigger paycheck than these tall guys. But at 14, it's hard for boys to see beyond tomorrow. But he'll get there. Keep supporting him, you're doing a great job, Mom!

[Anonymous]

5'7" is fine. I'm 5'6" and didn't even realize I was short until I was like 30 years old. I was overweight in middle school so that was kind of my main focus on my body and I got bullied for that. So when I lost 50 pounds in high school and suddenly became "attractive," it just never occurred to me that being short was something people worry about. Almost all the girls I dated were taller than me (I ended up married with kids to a woman who was 5'9"). Looking back I can now see why some girls turned me down - I never realized height was something that entered strongly into the equation. Now I have two kids projected to be 5'11" and one kid projected to be over 6'. I don't think you should say anything to your son. Life is not all about height, not even 5% of life is about height unless you make it that way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP -- my son was shorter than average too at 14, he was one of the shortest kids in his 9th grade class. For him it was later than average puberty so he did later go through a growth spurt and has now, at 17 years old, reached average male height. But I completely understand where you're coming from. And it was tiring for my son to be called "short stack" in school, and his height to be commented on regularly by his peers.

But as some PPs have mentioned, try not to project your concerns onto him. Your son has realized he's shorter and he's trying to grow taller, and if that means healthier habits, that's great. But being projected to be about 5'7", this is something he's going to have to accept and deal with and he'll figure it out. It is hard because height is a thing for men, absolutely. My average size son is surrounded at home by the men in the family who are all over 6' tall and I see how they enjoy the benefits of that height. But I've also seen some of them not reach their potential in education and in careers, which I discussed with my son back when he was 14 and he'd tell me his life's goal was to be 6'3". Now my son's goal is to have a bigger paycheck than these tall guys. But at 14, it's hard for boys to see beyond tomorrow. But he'll get there. Keep supporting him, you're doing a great job, Mom!

Wut

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP -- my son was shorter than average too at 14, he was one of the shortest kids in his 9th grade class. For him it was later than average puberty so he did later go through a growth spurt and has now, at 17 years old, reached average male height. But I completely understand where you're coming from. And it was tiring for my son to be called "short stack" in school, and his height to be commented on regularly by his peers.

But as some PPs have mentioned, try not to project your concerns onto him. Your son has realized he's shorter and he's trying to grow taller, and if that means healthier habits, that's great. But being projected to be about 5'7", this is something he's going to have to accept and deal with and he'll figure it out. It is hard because height is a thing for men, absolutely. My average size son is surrounded at home by the men in the family who are all over 6' tall and I see how they enjoy the benefits of that height. But I've also seen some of them not reach their potential in education and in careers, which I discussed with my son back when he was 14 and he'd tell me his life's goal was to be 6'3". Now my son's goal is to have a bigger paycheck than these tall guys. But at 14, it's hard for boys to see beyond tomorrow. But he'll get there. Keep supporting him, you're doing a great job, Mom!

So he's still insecure?

[Anonymous]

My kid is 5'10" and probably won't grow anymore. It is ok.

Here are things your son can do to build body confidence and good health -
1) Posture correction
2) Fitness - Yoga and stretching exercises and lengthen the spine adding up to 1 inch in height.
3) Build Muscles
4) Good hair (no dandruff etc_
5) Good skin - no acne, chestne, backne - clear, blemish-less, glowing skin.
6) Good teeth - get him braces or whatever he needs - also clean, bright teeth and good oral hygine.
7) Shaving when he gets facial hair.
8) Nice hairstyle, clothes etc - things that suit him and make him look good, Not necessarily expensive things
9) Cleanliness - of himself, clothes, surroundings
10) Take care of body odor, bad smells from throat (throat stones), underarms etc.
11) Foot care. Clip nails regularly. Keep nails short. Make sure that your feet, socks and shoes are clean and don't stink.
12) Good sleep. Take magnesium. Bags under the eye is not attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 5'10" and probably won't grow anymore. It is ok.

Here are things your son can do to build body confidence and good health -
1) Posture correction
2) Fitness - Yoga and stretching exercises and lengthen the spine adding up to 1 inch in height.
3) Build Muscles
4) Good hair (no dandruff etc_
5) Good skin - no acne, chestne, backne - clear, blemish-less, glowing skin.
6) Good teeth - get him braces or whatever he needs - also clean, bright teeth and good oral hygine.
7) Shaving when he gets facial hair.
8) Nice hairstyle, clothes etc - things that suit him and make him look good, Not necessarily expensive things
9) Cleanliness - of himself, clothes, surroundings
10) Take care of body odor, bad smells from throat (throat stones), underarms etc.
11) Foot care. Clip nails regularly. Keep nails short. Make sure that your feet, socks and shoes are clean and don't stink.
12) Good sleep. Take magnesium. Bags under the eye is not attractive.

Great advice—but that isn’t short!