How do you deal with extra time off for your nanny

[Anonymous]

My nanny get 4 weeks pto a year - 3 our choosing and one hers - plus holidays. She generally ends up getting additional days off as well due to visiting family etc. She used her one week off back in March. Since then she’s asked for several parts of a day off (eg leave at 3) as well as two half days. I’ve paid her for the full week for all of these and it’s been clear she expects that. She never comps those hours when she works an extra hour or two (which is rare) and always asks for payment for them.

She’s now asked for a week off after her wedding in October. On one hand it’s her wedding! And we are in a pandemic! Throw her a bone and pay her without question. On the other I’m starting to feel taken advantage of that she just a expects a lot of extra paid time off for no reason and it’s all take a no give. I see 3 options

1) pay her with no comment
2) pay her and say the additional pto is her wedding gift
3) raise it that it should be unpaid / offer to pay her but expect occassional over time other weeks without additional charge

What should I do? I like her overall, not love..there are a few other small issues, but in general would rather not find a new nanny

[Anonymous]

This has to be a troll, assuming it isn’t- insist she take DD on her honeymoon and stop being a slacker

[Anonymous]

When are you scheduling the other 3 weeks of her leave? Why don't you schedule one week for her wedding?

If not 2 or 3 sounds fair. I wouldn't pay her for a week if you don't intend to deduct that from the leave. That said -- if you had her before COVID-19 I hope you recognize nannies are a hot commodity and she was given a suitable raise during these times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll, assuming it isn’t- insist she take DD on her honeymoon and stop being a slacker

Not a troll and of course giving her the time off, just resenting that she’s expecting I’ll both pay her and pay for back up care (I have a major meeting that week and can’t take any time off). She was engaged when she picked her time off in March and didn’t save her pto for honeymoon. It’s not like my job just randomly lets me take extra paid time off over my pto

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When are you scheduling the other 3 weeks of her leave? Why don't you schedule one week for her wedding?

If not 2 or 3 sounds fair. I wouldn't pay her for a week if you don't intend to deduct that from the leave. That said -- if you had her before COVID-19 I hope you recognize nannies are a hot commodity and she was given a suitable raise during these times.

Yep I’ve given her a big raise and she’s had 5 weeks off total this year plus a planned week off over thanksgiving and 2 over Xmas. None of which she owes me for / I expect anything in return for beyond her hard work, but is part of the reason this additional week that she expects pay for when she’s already used up her pto seems a bit taking advantage

[Anonymous]

I think that her leaving early and the week in October should all come out of PTO. Why not count that as part of the “3 weeks of your choosing”? It’s not like you’re going to take a big vacation this year anyways.

Though I would ask her to quarantine for a week after she comes back from her wedding and vacation. I cannot believe she’s traveling right now!!!!

[Anonymous]

OP, the problem here is that this is an issue that has bothered you for a while. The requested time off for her honeymoon only bothers you because you feel taken advantage of for these other time where she has left early or taken the odd day off. Please don't force a confrontation over it for her honeymoon by choosing #2 or #3. It will poison your relationship.

If you like her as your nanny and want to keep her, just pay it. Maybe get her a less extravagant wedding gift than you might otherwise, but don't tell her specifically that you consider the PTO to be a gift.

Then separately, set up a meeting to discuss 2021 scheduling, specifically time off. At that meeting, let her know that you want to make sure you are on the same page with regards to PTO. Be clear about your expectations. Maybe you need to adjust expectations -- it sounds like it's hard for her to be limited to only 5 days of PTO that are on her chosen schedule. Maybe you could allow her more flexibility with scheduling as long as she gives you plenty of advanced notice, or doesn't conflict with certain parts of your family's schedule. Or maybe your expectations are fine and you just need to be more clear. But it's clear that right now you guys are not on the same page and haven't been for a while. Better to deal with it when the stakes are lower and not right before her wedding/honeymoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that her leaving early and the week in October should all come out of PTO. Why not count that as part of the “3 weeks of your choosing”? It’s not like you’re going to take a big vacation this year anyways.

Though I would ask her to quarantine for a week after she comes back from her wedding and vacation. I cannot believe she’s traveling right now!!!!

Unfortunately neither of us can take this week off so we will need to find backup care. It’s a particularly busy work time in the fall until the holidays start

Also yes...don’t love the traveling, but obviously can’t tell someone what to do for their wedding / honeymoon and if we do ask her to stay home after it we will pay her (and other childcare l) bc it’s our choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the problem here is that this is an issue that has bothered you for a while. The requested time off for her honeymoon only bothers you because you feel taken advantage of for these other time where she has left early or taken the odd day off. Please don't force a confrontation over it for her honeymoon by choosing #2 or #3. It will poison your relationship.

If you like her as your nanny and want to keep her, just pay it. Maybe get her a less extravagant wedding gift than you might otherwise, but don't tell her specifically that you consider the PTO to be a gift.

Then separately, set up a meeting to discuss 2021 scheduling, specifically time off. At that meeting, let her know that you want to make sure you are on the same page with regards to PTO. Be clear about your expectations. Maybe you need to adjust expectations -- it sounds like it's hard for her to be limited to only 5 days of PTO that are on her chosen schedule. Maybe you could allow her more flexibility with scheduling as long as she gives you plenty of advanced notice, or doesn't conflict with certain parts of your family's schedule. Or maybe your expectations are fine and you just need to be more clear. But it's clear that right now you guys are not on the same page and haven't been for a while. Better to deal with it when the stakes are lower and not right before her wedding/honeymoon.

That’s a good point. Trying to reset over a wedding wouldn’t be ideal and if she’d said to me “can I have it off unpaid” I’d still have paid her. It’s just the assumption that bothers me so much, but it’s not the time to fix it

[Anonymous]

Whatever, tell her no and she’ll just find someone else. So easy right now. Because, as you say, we’re in a pandemic! Hell, I’d hire her right now and pay her double if I knew she was halfway decent. So go ahead, play hardball. You’ll only be $crewing yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whatever, tell her no and she’ll just find someone else. So easy right now. Because, as you say, we’re in a pandemic! Hell, I’d hire her right now and pay her double if I knew she was halfway decent. So go ahead, play hardball. You’ll only be $crewing yourself!

This is the current reality right now. I know 4 people who have “stolen” nannies by offering 30-40 percent more than market rate plus a big bonus at the 1 yr mark just to get someone in and take over this online home school mess. We’ve had our nanny for six years and pay market but truly can’t afford much beyond market and I’m terrified. We literally are giving her as much time off as we can bc it’s the only thing we can add on top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever, tell her no and she’ll just find someone else. So easy right now. Because, as you say, we’re in a pandemic! Hell, I’d hire her right now and pay her double if I knew she was halfway decent. So go ahead, play hardball. You’ll only be $crewing yourself!

This is the current reality right now. I know 4 people who have “stolen” nannies by offering 30-40 percent more than market rate plus a big bonus at the 1 yr mark just to get someone in and take over this online home school mess. We’ve had our nanny for six years and pay market but truly can’t afford much beyond market and I’m terrified. We literally are giving her as much time off as we can bc it’s the only thing we can add on top.

+1

Nanny moms don't think twice about poaching, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whatever, tell her no and she’ll just find someone else. So easy right now. Because, as you say, we’re in a pandemic! Hell, I’d hire her right now and pay her double if I knew she was halfway decent. So go ahead, play hardball. You’ll only be $crewing yourself!

This is the current reality right now. I know 4 people who have “stolen” nannies by offering 30-40 percent more than market rate plus a big bonus at the 1 yr mark just to get someone in and take over this online home school mess. We’ve had our nanny for six years and pay market but truly can’t afford much beyond market and I’m terrified. We literally are giving her as much time off as we can bc it’s the only thing we can add on top.

+1

Nanny moms don't think twice about poaching, OP.

Yep, I’d take her in a second, and I don’t event care if she’s taking advantage of me. I’m at my wits end! So give her two weeks off for the honeymoon, send her business class, and be happy she even wants to work for you! That’s where we are right now, especially if she has any kind of college degree. How do you not know this?!

[Anonymous]

LOL, looks like OP needs deeper pockets or else she’s def going to lose her childcare! A traveling nanny is the least of your worries. Ha ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll, assuming it isn’t- insist she take DD on her honeymoon and stop being a slacker

Not a troll and of course giving her the time off, just resenting that she’s expecting I’ll both pay her and pay for back up care (I have a major meeting that week and can’t take any time off). She was engaged when she picked her time off in March and didn’t save her pto for honeymoon. It’s not like my job just randomly lets me take extra paid time off over my pto

No offense but its a pandemic so maybe she needed some space to breathe (literally). And most jobs give you at least 2 weeks PTO of your choice. So really by only letting her choose one week it seems you're being selfish.

It should be 2 weeks your choice, 2 weeks hers or 2/2/1 unpaid hers.